I'm a junior in high school currently, but in junior high i was bullied for being a lesbian - an idea i vehemently denied at the time. Now, as i'm contemplating coming out, i feel ashamed to think that my former tormentors will know that they were right. I know it shouldn't matter because in the long run they will not play a major role in my life, but i can't stop the feeling of fear and shame i get when i think of them knowing... after all those years, they were right. and that really bothers me. So what should I do? How do I get over this fear?
Yes - I can see how you'd want to keep them from getting any satisfaction from 'being right'. It's a tough spot to be in. But what comes to mind is that someone who is a bully is never 'right'. They're wrong. And even if they were right about your orientation, they were wrong to have picked on you because of it. As such, I'd say that you need to just forget about it. Don't let the bullies get a rise out of you - because that's what they're looking for. Instead, don't give them the time of day. Certainly what would also help is to have a network of supporters. You indicate that you're out to friends, so presumably they've got your back. Is there a GSA in your school. I think they're a great way to combat bullying. You build a critical mass of people in the school who believe bullying is unacceptable. Others who are still in high school (or have been in the last 2 decades!) can perhaps offer better advice than me.
I'm not sure what it's like where you are, but between junior high and high school where I am, people mature vastly-- opinions changed in the staunchest Christian kids, let alone those people who wavered about anything. Has the bullying subsided yet? Some of them may even support you now. Like one instance where one particular person called me a faggot day after day (I hadn't come out to ANYONE at that point). The next year he wore a purple shirt one day in one of those things to speak out against LGBT bullying. Maybe you could discretely find out people's opinions before you act?
