this is going to ruin the most important friendships I have... :(

Are you sure that they wont accept you as gay? We are in the 21st century,that has to count for something.

 

Remember what you say in your signature. If you're as good friends like you say, than even the religious aspect of your friendship shouldn't be affected. So you might have a different view on this one point. Take their faith as examples-- you know who you are, so follow it like a faith.

 

There's no point in lying or being dishonest, and there's no point in committing to doing something that you don't want to do and won't do you any good.

I'd say either plan to be blunt and honest or plan on not going to see her.

Have you considered attending other denominations? The United Church is accepting of gays and lesbians, as is the Anglican Church. If you're comfortable in the Catholic Church - Anglican is very similar I'm told. So do yourself a favour and go to one of these other churches some Sunday and give them a try.

If you're in the Toronto area and want a church that is extremely accepting - try out the Metropolican Community Church (MCC), which is lead by Rev. Hawkes. He's the minister that spoke at Jack Layton's funeral. I thought he was wonderful on that occassion and I know of people who attend and love it there.

Being gay and having a relationship with God are not mutually exclusive. It's just some religious denominations like to think they are.

 

Maybe you could even wait until you're ready before you say anything. And when you are, mention how important your friendships are and how painful it would be losing such amazing friends and guides. It might be wrong of me, but I've become able to manipulate friend's emotions with what words I choose.. able to approach almost any subject. That's one of the only ways I could have come out to some people I did-- people I thought would hate me for the rest of our time together. Your situation is really delicate; you have to do it with the utmost precision, if you choose to tell them at all

 

Have you thought about either starting or joining a ministry of gay Catholics? You have a very powerful and personal story to tell. It's also one that has not ended. Your testimony can be just what other closeted Catholics and other Christians need to hear right now. As gay Christians, we are so very keen on beating ourselves up over our faith and our orientation. I know you probably don't feel that strong yet to stand on your own as an independent, fully out lesbian, but we never know our true strength until we are tested. I've longed been amazed by the secret, silent strength that women have. By removing yourself from the Courage program, you're starting to show yours. You can be a source of inspiration for many others. I know it sounds like a lot and certainly a bit overwhelming, but we're all here for you. Stay strong.

 

Chely Wright Keynote and Q&A at the Symposium on the Evangelical Church and Homosexuality - YouTube

 

I guess I was coming from the perspective that you only joined the Catholic church 5 years ago. You were 19. And you've made some really good friends.

Who's to say that if you were to attend the Anglican church in your home town that you wouldn't make some even better friends? Better because you'd get to be exactly who you are, and they'd (presumably) accept you exactly as you are.

(I say presumably because while the Presbyterian Church isn't as supportive, it's supposed to be more supportive than the one I attended. When I came out I was asked to resign as Treasurer. Other leaders in the Presbyterian church, when they heard this, were outraged. So it depends on the minister and the congregation I guess.)

 

As per my own struggle with admitting to a friend that I have a crush on him (which took me about a month to come to terms with), I'm not here to judge your situation.

I told him what I needed to, and he reacted in an extremely non judgemental, compassionate way. If anything I feel like an idiot for thinking he would have reacted poorly.

If this has been 5 years, chances are they already know. If you think they do not know, tell them. If they truly love you and want to be a part of your life, they will accept you.

The people who truly love you will stay with you after you 'come out'.

 

No - it isn't. But these friendships that you're worried about losing seem to be causing you stress. That's not what a good friendship is supposed to be about. If you're really just good friends then you should be able to say "Let's just agree to disagree on this one and leave it alone." so that the topic of your orientation doesn't come up. There must be other things for you to talk about.

But if your sister friends can't let it drop because they're 'hell bent' on "saving" you then I'm not really sure they're your friends in a true sense of the word.

 

For years I had a good friend that was very devote to the Penecostal (whatever that means) church. We were good friends. We worked together, hung out all the time, had many similar interests, and on a few occasions told one another we loved each other. It was great.
He was straight and with a girlfriend (but she was a whack job) and I was openly gay, and we promised that we would understand and care for one another regardless of our belief system.

However, every now and then, he would say something utterly ignorant, or ask a question that I felt was inappropriate, and I'm a pretty open minded guy. One lovely summers day, we were working together and we got on a silly religious themed discussion. Basically at the end of it he said that while he loves me for who I am, BUT if I ever decide I want to change, be straight, go to church and try something different, to let him know.

To me, that basically says, "well I like you, but I can also improve you, as per my religious beliefs". To which I replied "if you ever want to try sleeping with a dude, loving a man and have an amazing orgasm caused by prostate stimulation, you let me know", we never had that discussion again. Over time, our friendship kind of fell away, simply because after that, I started noticing the other ignorant, one sided things he said and did, and eventually the gloss of our friendship wore off.

Why don't you look into 'non church' communities for some friendships, new faces and fresh ideas.

Agnostic and Atheist people are in every bit as kind, compassionate, loving and well adjusted as every other person in the world, and usually lack the stringent, archaic, tired old attitudes towards gays and lesbians as those who devote themselves to Western organized religions.

Just a thought.