It's been over a month since I last spoke to my former roommate, and yet I still can't get over her. For a summary of what happened up until the final day, see this thread. The day after I posted that, I tried talking to her, but it didn't go well. She said that I was making her uncomfortable and that she was moving out, and then literally ran out of the room. That was the last time we spoke. Needless to say, that wasn't a very satisfactory ending, and part of me suspects that this is making it more difficult to move on. I wish I could talk to her -- really talk to her, not like last time -- one last time, to get a sense of closure, if nothing else. The friendship can't be salvaged, that's for sure. There's a few problems. To start off, she has anxiety (both social and generalized). This, when combined with my own social ineptitude, means that the probability of any effort at communication going well is low. This not only defeats the purpose but also has the potential to leave both of us in a worse position than we were in before. However, even if everything went as perfectly as possible, I'm not sure that talking to her would actually make me feel any better. While I rationally know that our friendship is over, emotionally I don't think I've come to terms with it yet. So, is my motivation in talking to her to get closure, or is it to try to do the impossible and resurrect our friendship? There's only a month left of school. I think I could make it to the end of the semester doing what I have been doing so far -- doing everything possible to avoid her (I can't eat in my dorm's cafeteria anymore), go to counseling, try to get out and meet people, etc. -- but I'm worried that my emotions will explode at a bad time. A lot of other bad stuff happened this semester, including my dad getting cancer and my cat and favorite professor dying, and sometimes it's overwhelming. I break down and I can't focus on school. Last week, in fact, my inability to study cost me my grade on two tests. This is not a good situation to be in when finals roll around. What do you think I should do?
I think that you should get closure in whatever way you need to if your answer to the following question is yes. "Will you regret not getting closure?" Regret is a really cruddy emotion to be carrying around, and I avoid it at all costs. Personally, I think you should talk to her. Since you haven't spoken in so long and you feel that there's no way to salvage the friendship, what's the worst that could happen?
Thanks super_confused. I know that I will definitely regret not getting closure. As for the worst that can happen, she could refuse to talk to me, which coincidentally is also the most likely outcome, but so it goes. I also have no idea how to approach her, or what I would say to her if she did agree to talk to me. For the former, I have four options: sending an email, texting, writing a short letter, or trying to talk to her briefly during breakfast or lunch (both of us hate talking on the phone, so that's out). I'm thinking of going with the letter because it's a little more personal than email or texting without being intimidating like face-to-face contact. As for what I would say to her, I guess I just want to know what happened, to hear how she felt about what happened, and to tell her how it made me feel. That sounds reasonable, doesn't it?
It absolutely sounds reasonable. And I think that writing a letter is the best way to do it, given your reasoning. I really hope this works out for you.
Thanks again. I'm still going to give it a few days to talk to my counselor to see what advice she has, but I think I will go through with it this time.
