Hi, My name is Josh, Im 26. I have always questioned my sexuality, even when I was young, but I just glossed over it. I don't subscribe to labels, but recently i have been wondering if I am bi. Historically i am straight, I have had 4 gfs, 2 serious, one of which I loved, for real. I have fantasized about having sex with a man, used toys before and enjoyed it. However, I know that this by itself could just be my curious/adventurous sexuality. I don't know whether I am having an identity crisis or not. I do find some men attractive, and the idea of having an intimate relationship with a man is appealing but...I think what I really am searching for is understanding. I yearn for somebody man or woman who is like me. Am i really bi? Or am i just looking for love? I like the idea of finding strength in the arms of a man, and I don't feel like I can be strong for a woman. I find the typical social stigmas of male/female undesirable, I just want somebody who is kind/compassionate and non-judgmental. I find fit bodies sexy, male or female. Im complicated lol, sorry . Generally speaking I can walk through a mall and find many more attractive females than I can males, but I don't know if this is just because I have not accepted that part of myself or not? My personality is generally soft-spoken, perhaps a little effeminate. One of my girlfriends used to joke that i was her lesbian friend . Im very emotional, I cry easily, especially during movies, I love animals, im just not a regular manly guy. Perhaps I am just lonely, seeking companionship, and this is the last thing I want, because i don't want to hurt anyone, by me suddenly realizing that its not something i want. I can look at pictures of attractive gay men and its like my mind acknowledges that they are attractive, but recoils in fear of it... If anyone has any advice for me it would be amazing, thankyou. This is difficult for me, so please be understanding. Thanks
The best advice I think I can give to you is, "Give yourself permission." Give yourself permission to look at guys and permission to be attracted to them. Give yourself permission to have those awkward new thoughts about dating and loving another man. Give yourself permission to think of yourself as bisexual if it feels right. Because you know what? If you give yourself permission to be that guy, you will only become him if he is already you. Here is an example of what I mean by that. I have given myself permission to look at and be attracted to girls, but because I am not that person, no attraction presents itself. Just like allowing myself to be attracted to girls doesn't make me attracted to them, allowing yourself to be attracted to guys won't make you attracted to them unless you already are. I really hope that made sense, because for me it feels like I just typed a bunch of gobbledygook... Good luck on figuring things out!
hi josh, let me put in it terms you may understand.... imagine that you're in a city you've never been before. you have your trusty GPS on your phone to help guide you to restaurants in the area because you are STARVING. everything is going well until all of a sudden your GPS dies. OH NO. now you have no signal on your phone. you don't know anyone, you don't know the streets, you don't know what restaurants is good or bad, and you don't even know how to get to a good restaurant. so what would you do. well, you would probably "explore" you would walk down some streets to see if anything looked good to eat down there. if not, you would walk back and go the other direction to see if you liked anything in the other direction. there woudl probably be tons of options and since you never really tried any of those restaurants before you would not know if it was really good or not. there would be all different types of restaruants too (chinese, italian, soul food, sushi, bar food, etc.). sooner or later you would be so hungry and you just take a risk and go into one of the restaurants and order something off the menu. maybe the food woudl be great. maybe it woudl be terrible, but atleast you would know and you could cross that place off your list and look for something else the next time. your sexuality right now is a lot like this example. I can tell you with certainty that you probably would not sit at the corner of the street with your hands folded up saying that you weren't going to try any of the places and starve to death. woudl you??? NO. so just like the example, you have to get out there, explore, use your senses like you would in a restaurant....what smells good, does it look ok on the outside? how does the inside of the place feel. is there a good vibe in there. is this a place you would want to stay for a while and eat a nice dinner or just grab a quick bite adn get the hell outta there. if you are really really hungry for food, it really doesn't mater if it is asian, american, italian fare, or seafood. you just really want to eat somethign good that fills you up. so remember this when you get hit with fear of labels. whether you are straight, bi, trans, curious, questioning, or wahtever, at the end of the day, we're all just hungry for food and the "label" of what is is, doesn't really matter if you enjoy what is being served. deciding if you like men or women or both is kinda like that. good luck.
Thankyou Cloudbreaker & InsideHappy! Thats what it comes down to I guess, you can wander in circles all you like but until you actually experience something you won't really know. You have to allow yourself to take that step. I think your right Insidehappy, enjoying the food is what matters, not what restaurant you are dining in . Made perfect sense Cloudbreaker .
