Okay, so for those of you who are not familiar with my situation (basically all of you unless you just have an awesome memory, so if you do, +10 points for being awesome), I'm the girl who kissed my two best friends, Alice and Josh, to figure out my orientation. Only here's the thing: Alice is bisexual, and Josh is straight. That's fine, it works for them. But they were both hoping that I'm bisexual, too, because they want a third person to be intimate with. I really don't care about that part; it's not my thing, but if it'll make them happy, what do I care? The root of my discomfort is the fact that after I kissed Josh and did not like it and did not want to do it again, both Alice and Josh kept saying things like, "are you sure you don't want to try it again? Just to be sure?" or "you know, in science classes, when you do experiments, you have to do three trials to be sure of your results." Always with a joking manner, but underneath that, I could tell that they were both dead serious, and wanted me to kiss Josh again, and that they want me to be their mutual love-monkey (yea, I made that up to be funny to them, "find someone else to be your mutual love-monkey, you guys" It was pretty funny). And they both flat-out said that they were hoping that I would be their third person. Apparently I'm more attractive than I give myself credit for (or they just want a third person and don't really care who it is. Yea, that's more likely.) However, the three of us have always been so cool with each other, especially Alice; she has never been distrustful of my relationship with Josh. In other words, when we cuddle, or kiss on the cheek, or hug, she doesn't get all jealous and possessive, and she doesn't try to make us not do those things (in fact, it always made her so happy, because he's the kind of person who doesn't feign niceness or liking someone). But now that I know that Josh is attracted to me as more than just a friend, should I put a stop to the cuddling and cheek-kissing? Because I really like those things, but now I'm wondering if it's going to mean something different to Josh than what it means to me. Especially considering how truly disappointed Josh was when I said that I'm not bisexual, and the fact that he urged me to "not give up on guys, because it may be that you just don't like kissing me specifically." And especially considering that sometimes, when we cuddle, his hand is on my leg or my ribs, or he'll use my chest for a pillow (even though I can't fathom that it's anywhere near as comfy as an actual pillow). I never thought anything of it before, but now I'm wondering if I should put an end to the cuddling. I still like it, I just don't want to give the impression that I might change my mind and kiss him again or be their third person. And I DEFINITELY don't want him to kiss me again. I guess my question is: Is it fair for me to still be physically close to Josh the way we used to be? And if I stop the cuddling, will that just make it awkward? :confused2: By the way, sorry for the novel, I just needed to get it all out.
Ummm wow, there's not a lot i can really say except, if you don't want to be intimate with Josh, then you should not feel pressured in any way to do so. If the cuddling is uncomfortable for you, tell him. He seems nice enough to understand. Either way,you need to let him know that you DON'T want to be their third person. You shouldn't give them the wrong impression. I'm sure they'll understand. hope that helps xx
I think you should get out of that situation. It seems like they're pressuring you to do things that you're not really interested in doing. Plus if this Josh guy is so insistent and he likes you a lot, then you should end it now before more feelings get hurt. If you're interested in experimenting more, you should probably find someone who is unattached as to avoid these complicated issues. Yeah it might get awkward if you tell them no but it's making you awkward that they keep asking. So put your needs first, tell them no thanks, and carry on.
I'm all for trying new things, experimenting and having fun. However in a situation like this, there is no right or wrong, and there is no way to encourage you and promise an outcome you want. You could go through with this, and it could be a fun 1 time fling. Or it could be an ongoing friends with benefits situation that would be great sexual fun and learning. Or things could go horribly wrong and over time (or in a short time) you may have to say good bye to Alice and Josh as friends. That's the reality of 3somes. I know of a few couples that actually tried a '3 way relationship' and some lesbians that tried a '4 way' inter-dating thing. It was fun for a while, but in the end, it was a disaster of emotions and now none of them are together. So just be aware of that. Perhaps you could sit down, talk it out and set some rules/expectations.
Regardless of whether it's what you want or not, I can't say anything particularly great is going to come out of a 3-way with your two best friends who happen to be in a relationship. Couple this with the fact that you don't want to participate, I don't see why you would. Might you hurt their feelings? Possibly. But the bottom line is, they were your friends first before anything escalated. If they're still your friends (and want you more than just a 3rd for their fun), they'll respect your decision. And well, if they don't... then I guess they aren't really your friends, are they? It's harsh, but those are the kind of people you don't need in your life, if it comes to that. :/ EDIT: Let me add, not only should they respect your decision, they should have your best interest in mind, being your friends. And who knows what's in your best interest better than you?
I agree with the above posters who said you should try to get out of this situation. It sounds like there is a very good chance for this whole thing to end quite messily, especially since it sounds like you're very uncomfortable. You will probably have to stop cuddling with your male friend for a little while, and generally put a little bit of distance between you and your friends. Not a lot -- you still want to be friends with them -- but you need to make it clear that they have to respect your choices and feelings.
I could foresee trouble if you entered into the 3- way. *Especially* if you're not interested in being intimate with one of them. It sounds like it is something *you* don't want. If that's true, go with it. You will likely be upset with yourself if you do it just for them. Although I could understand how you may be afraid it could hurt your relationship with both of them if you don't do it. But it could also if you do. Hopefully they are good enough friends to understand whatever it is you decide *your* comfortable or not comfortable doing. ::hugs::
