Ok I haven't come out or anything but I AM SO HAPPY!! I am so happy now that I know I'm gay!! I have been walking around town - sometimes skipping - with a huge smile on my face because this is all *so right*. I am so so so happy, it is unbelievable!! And it's not drugs or anything like that, and I don't suffer manic episodes or any other mental illness or anything - it's the REAL THING!! For the first time in my life, I'm like, I like women, like really like them, and I love being able to think that to myself!! I just want to tell the world. Finally, I feel happy. I am so happy, I cannot even describe it. I know this feeling won't entirely last, and that I've got a way to go, but you know, I've been thinking about my life, and this is such a small thing - I have been through worse - and the happiness I am feeling far outweighs everything else in the entire world. I am so happy, I am indescribably happy. I am still not totally out, but I am just really really happy because I've realised I like women. I mean, before I wasn't happy about it, but it is all just so right. And you know, if I wasn't at least bi, then why on earth would thinking I'm gay make me feel happy?? I cannot wait to tell all my friends. The time is still not quite right, but I am confident, and I am so glad that I realised all of this now rather than 20 years down the line. I'm still unsure how much/if I like men, but I know for certain that I love women, and this realisation makes me so happy. I am so very happy. I have just been speaking to friend (who knows) and I cannot stop smiling. My heart is singing and I am just bursting with happiness that I can finally be who I am. I have been looking over the last 12 or so years of my life and have realised the amount of pain that got all caught up in the denial and I don't want to go there again. I am so happy. Just so happy. I know this completely elated mood won't last (and luckily for me I know when it goes I won't sink into depression or anything, I'll just feel moderately happy again), but I am so happy. I am so happy that I am gay. I am even happier that I realised it. I am so happy that I just wanted you all to know. I wanted you all to know because I always post here when I'm feeling a bit down (when I'm not in complete denial). But how can I not be gay when thinking I'm gay causes me such happiness? I am dancing inside. I am completely elated. I am what I am, and what I am is gay. And it so ROCKS.
This sounds so stupid but - realising I'm gay is like the best thing that's happened to me. Or at least one of the best things! It sounds crazy, but actually it's not!! I just want to share my happiness and joy, and not keep it to myself. I wish you could all feel as I feel now, as though you are floating on air, and that nothing, absolutely nothing, no hardship or problems, could cancel out the brilliance of being yourself, and knowing yourself. I want you all to feel like this, please, I want this wonderful joy and happiness to spread! I just know that I like women to the very core of my being, and saying and finally knowing this makes me happy!! Today is a very good day. I wish you all a part of my joy!!
I have to say, this thread made me laugh. In a good way, though. Congrats on figuring this all out, and best of luck when telling everyone!
Oh, ccdd, you make me smile. (*hug*) I remember feeling that way from time to time too. In fact, I keep a daily journal on my computer at home and I probably have a half dozen entries in it that read just like that. Most of them are right after positive coming-outs. But I'm glad that this piece of you has finally fallen into place and it fits perfectly. Now that your mind's at ease, I think things will get a lot easier for you. Knowing you love yourself for who you are is a wonderful thing. I hope that you have many other moments in your life like this. Let us know how the clouds are when you dance upon them. We hear so much rain that it's rare to see the sunshine above the storms. Thanks for sharing your happiness!
I remember feeling the same way! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you. It isn't a curse or a 'life sentence' at all! It's great! Woo hoo!!!
ccdd, you are so sweet :icon_bigg i'm so glad you had a moment like that. i haven't ever felt like that, but maybe i will one day. you deserve to be so happy. thanks for posting about it!!