Don't want to lie to her... but she's Christian

[Trixxster]

So here's how it works. My mom has a friend that she is very close too and has known since she was my age. My mom is godmother of her friend's oldest son. They are so close that I think of my mom's friend as an aunt and her kids do the same with my mom. Basically we consider ourselves cousins and they are probably closer to me than my real cousins, even though they live a whole province away. There are three of them, J the oldest and his younger siblings (fraternal twins D and T). J and D are guys T is a girl. T is the one I'm closest to. Now they are VERY religious and my cousin has even said (in regards to the fanfictions I've written) "I like them, but not ones about *whispers* gay people."

We mostly text, but I know she likes spending time with me when one of us comes for a visit. I do like spending time with her, but it's harder and harder, especially since I'm and atheist and leaning towards gay. I don't want to lie to her and because I'm often very passionate about my opinions I often keep things bottled up and don't voice my disgust or disagreement with certain things. I try not to be bigoted or stereotype people since I might be gay, but religion has always been a hard pill for me to swallow especially the few 'bad' Christians out there that spout hatred and bigotry. I'm am very much an atheist, very, very much. The thing I dislike most about their family is the things they don't allow. Bad words, anything that could be bad, like violence and sex. Basically that's another reason I don't like certain religious people because I can't stand people that shelter their children.

So what do I do? It's becoming increasingly more difficult to hang out with her and her family (especially when they talk about religion) and I do want to tell her I'm questioning - I've thought about it a few times before - but I doubt it will happen. I have feeling that if this isn't resolved then once I'm eighteen contact will gradually decrease to nil. It's already pretty small since they moved (we played together a lot as children) and I don't really want contact to go away completely.

Anyways, there's my long explanatory post, please ask if you need something clarified or if it's too vague.

*Sorry for the novel.

*Also just to note my mom, who knows I'm questioning, had asked my 'aunt' what she would think of someone gay and she said it woudl be fine. I know she would be fine with it. J would be fine with it or if he wasn't he wouldn't express it because he's a very quiet person. D and my 'uncle' are a problem as their very vocal about the whole religous thing and very stubborn - they refuse to lose an argument. T is the one I worry about the most. If the other's said anything I could handle that, but her pushing me away or being disgusted, disappointed or not understanding would be difficult, especially since I'm already always struggling around them since I'm an atheist.

I'd be curious to know what type of 'fan fictions' you write.

Also, if they are honestly that 'Christian' and 'devote' that they cannot even read gay related material without getting uncomfortable and stating their dislike, there is not much you can do.

You can spend the rest of your life trying to educate them, although you'd be just as productive beating your head against a wall.

If you are at the point where you feel you cannot even express your feelings without reasonable healthy debate, the sharing of information, and some understanding on their end, all you are doing is repressing to appease them. What's the point?

[Trixxster]

It's not like the fanfics are extremely dirty or anything. The most it goes to is kissing or just discovering and talking about their 'gayness' (if I may be so blunt as to put it that way).

I suppose you have a valid point. Thanks for the advice.

Originally Posted by Trixxster

It's not like the fanfics are extremely dirty or anything. The most it goes to is kissing or just discovering and talking about their 'gayness' (if I may be so blunt as to put it that way).

I suppose you have a valid point. Thanks for the advice.

I never suggested that the fan fics were extremely graphic, though its no surprise that people with this mentality would be off put but even the slightest suggestion of homosexuality. Its quite laughable really.

Also, 'gayness' is not an actual word, outside cultural/Internet slang. I think what you meant to say was 'sexuality'.

If you find anything that I have posted slightly aggressive, just know that this kind of subject matter (dealing with homophobes/worrying about the repercussions of dealing with homophobes) gets me into this mood.

[Trixxster]

Oh, I know it's understandable that you're agressive. I get that way too, it's just I hate starting arguments, so I just shut up online.