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This one's a little embarrassing...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by super confused, Apr 8, 2012.

  1. super confused

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    So, last time I posted about the "I kissed my two best friends" (Alice, who is bi, and Josh, who is straight, and they're a couple) story, Alice and I had decided not to go any further than kissing because she couldn't really be involved with a girl without Josh being involved, too (they made a deal that if she wanted to kiss a girl, she could do so without him being there or involved, but anything beyond kissing/making out, he wants to be involved), and I'm gay...so you can probably figure out why I don't want to be their third person. They are both fine with that, so everything just pretty much went back to normal.

    However, last night, Alice slept over my house. We were just goofing around in a kind of flirty way, but we've always done that. Alice was already in the guest bed in my room (it's a bunk bed) and I climbed in with her (again, we've always done stuff like that). Eventually, she said she wanted to show me what it was like in total darkness. I said okay.

    I'll spare you the details, but I'll just say that we were pushing the boundaries of the deal she and Josh made to the absolute limit, but we both wanted to go further.

    But I'm not posting this to brag.

    I actually do need some help, because she asked, "What if Josh weren't involved? If he were just there?" At that moment, it didn't seem like a bad idea, but I doubted my ability to make a good decision, so I said (the truth), "I don't know." She said to please consider it, because we could go further if he were there.

    That's my dilemma: we both want to go further, but we can't unless Josh is there. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with going further with Alice in front of Josh. But, if that's the only way to...then it might be worth it. It's just one of those times when my logic and reservations are at war with my emotions. :starwars:

    I just don't know what to do.

    Sorry if this is tmi, but I really need advice/opinions.

    :help:
     
  2. AJrooster

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    hey don't know if i'm that knowledgeable but if i was in that situation i wouldn't do it if i wanted to keep them as friends because if you start having feelings for Alice she's already got josh so it will end up hurting yourself if you love her and can't be with her unless you intend to see if Alice will leave josh for you in which case i feels there is better ways of going about this but this is all my opinion so disregard it if you wish
     
  3. super confused

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    I want to clarify something about that. I know that Alice would NEVER leave Josh, and I would never want her to (I'm going to be the maid of honor at their wedding). This is a purely experimental thing for me and a purely physical thing for Alice. Also, the three of us have been through so much together that nothing could make our friendship awkward. As a trio, nothing fazes us. So the friendship is in zero danger.
     
  4. silverhalo

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    I think it is a bad idea, I think you will just end up getting hurt, and the fact that you had to post to ask makes me think that you are not really comfortable with it anyway.
     
  5. super confused

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    Alright, I've been thinking about this all day. I don't think I'm actually ready to go any further at all; let alone with someone else in the room, watching my every move. But how do I tell Alice? I'm so confused and afraid that I just want to cry. Or scream. Or curse. Maybe all three at once. But the whole thing is moving way too fast for me because I've never been in a relationship at all (and this doesn't even count as that kind of relationship). But I don't know how to bring the whole thing to a stop without hurting Alice's feelings.
     
  6. TheAMan

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    I'm not sure that's a good idea at all. I think you'd be ruining what you already have with her.
     
  7. silverhalo

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    Sometimes its tough to say what you need to say, but you have to sit down with her at a time when you are not preoccupied with anything else or in the heat of the moment and you just explain to her that you really like her and its not that you dont want to do things with her but that its not fair on anyone in the long run and at least one person if not everyone in the long run is going to get hurt. Just explain to her that you havent been in a relationship and that you want your first time with someone to be special. There is no shame in not wanting to be intimate with someone whilst someone else is in the room. You wont be hurting her anymore than she is hurting you by stringing you on and having you on the side.
     
  8. greeneyes

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    Yea I think you're feeling too much of the blame here when really it sounds like Alice is more interested in you and is stringing around Josh or at least more interesting in being physical with you and stringing around Josh. It sounds like she's to blame here for stringing you both around. It has to be you or Josh. AND You cannot be guilted into a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable. I would talk now just as silver halo said before anyone gets hurt.
     
  9. Ianthe

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    "Alice, I'm sorry, but I have to think about protecting my own feelings. If I go further than I already have with you, I might become more attached than I should, more than any of us want. And when I share this with someone, I want it to be between me and her, I don't want to be putting on a show for someone else. I deserve better than that."

    In my personal opinion, having someone watch is worse than if he were a participant. At least if he were participating, it would be all three of you sharing something together. Having a spectator just cheapens the experience.

    And, seriously, don't do any more with her even if Josh won't be there. I think you should stop fooling around with her completely, and focus on looking for someone who will be your girlfriend. This is not what you really want.