....:dry: About 6 hours ago, my eldest brother and his girlfriend dropped by our house to celebrate Easter. We didn't do anything special, like... eat or anything. Just talked. For 6 hours. It was amazing. Quality family time. We did end up balling together, talking about the divorce and how... (my oldest brother often used the phrase "f***ed up") our family had become. Eventually we faced facts that we can't have an entire family once our parents had been divorced. Still can have a mom, dad, and siblings, but not all together in one place. :lol: So. In the 6 hours of conversation, the topic of sex popped up. Not sure how but.. x'D My eldest brother, Travis, told me about how "you better use protection or I'm beating your a** XD" he was joking about the latter, but the beginning part of the sentance was serious. My mom, you know, all the adults in the room are drunk... My mom goes "Ohmygod T! She's 13!" blah blah. Trav's all like "You'd be surprised. Eff!" and we laughed. But he kept on telling me about how I have to find the right guy who will like me for who I am and not just use me for sex... yatta yatta... Meanwhile in my head I'm thinking Son of a... XD I'm gay bro! Don't worry about that, like, at all. It's fine. I was almost tempted to say it aloud but then of course my mom says, "Actually she really likes this boy, he lives in our neighborhood..." and you know, like I said, she was drunk so she was ranting and raving. Bunch of bullocks. :lol: But thing is, I'll be honest, when my mom asked me if I liked any boys, I told her I liked my best friend (he's a guy) because I didn't feel it was the time to come out. Of course I had to lie to her instead of just saying "no". God, I really feel awful about it. Honestly. She doesn't deserved to be lied to. Basically what I'm saying is that I'm really uncomfortable when my family and or friends talk about boys. What can I do? I'm not ready to come out, I still have a lot of soul searching to do. And you know, I don't wanna come out as Lesbian then later on find out I'm actually Bi. That's like trying to un-spread jelly on a slice of bread. Once it seeps in, it's hard to get out. So... What can I do or tell people so they don't keep asking me about something I really don't like? ... That sounds impossible now that I read it. 'Can't tell people not to say certain things, right? Meh. I guess I'm just asking for tips, guys. Really. This is getting insane. :tears:
I think the only possible way to stop it is tell them you don't like talking about these kind of topics...or just walk out the room that usually works for me and just say the computer needs me!!
Actually, it makes much more sense to come out as a lesbian and then as bi, then the other way around, which is how a lot of people end up doing it. You know you like girls, and it would be fine for you to tell people that, and then if sometime there's a guy you like, you'd be able to say honestly that you were just as surprised as anyone. Whereas if you say you are bi first, that implies that you have already liked both guys and girls, and to retract it you have to either explain that you didn't REALLY like those guys that you thought you liked before, you just THOUGHT you did, or else admit that you were lying. That's much worse than just discovering something new about yourself that you didn't know before. You say that you aren't ready, but you don't say that you think your family will react badly. Assuming that you think they will be accepting, you might want to think about what you need to do, in order to get ready. Having them accept you in fact (rather than just your hypothetical belief that they will) will make a big difference in how you feel about it. You won't just feel more ready spontaneously. The longer you keep a secret, the harder it is to tell. What do you think is preventing you from being ready? What will it feel like, when you are ready? How will you know that it's time?
One way or the other, you are going to be cornered into either coming out of the closet or dating guys, even though you are not interested in guys. My first boyfriend ended up in a marriage with a woman, thanks to Mr. Social Pressure, and both he and his wife spent much of it feeling unhappy, unfulfilled and clinically depressed. Mixed orientation marriages do not work, no matter how you try to make them work, and they only lead to emotional confusion. If you let it happen--which is the direction you are going in by lying about yourself--you will end up in a similar situation. If your family wanted to and you kept up this appeasement, they could pressure you into consistently dating some guy by your junior year, and they would have you walking down the aisle before the skids on your sheepskin has cooled from its trip through the printer. If you don't develop enough cooter right now to stand up for yourself, your life will not be pleasant. I think that a lot of gay people get this idea that coming out is a potential conflict or something, and it doesn't have to be that way. When you come out, your family is going to be more scared than you will be at the time: unlike them, you will have had time to think about it. For your family, it's new territory. They will need YOU to be the guide. Parents don't come pre-equipped with a knowledge of how to deal with this sort of thing. What brings on the conflict is kids THINKING their parents understand this, and all their parents have ever really heard is church propaganda, dumb-sounding ultra-liberal claptrap, and whatever sensational nonsense is in the media. You will be ready to come out when YOU are prepared to take a position of leadership. When you know you can keep a cool head when others are not so cool, you will be ready. When you are ready to smooth the way for others on the road to understanding, you will be ready. Leaders are not people who hide behind fabrication.
You can ask them to not talk about romantic topics. My brothers and I NEVER talk about any of that with our parents. EVER. We draw a line. And they're both straight. It will not come across as being gay. Just say you have the right to privacy. With my brother, we sometimes talk about it, but we don't go too far as well. We have a line (aka we may talk about whether a girl/guy exists and whether you've gone on a date or something, but we don't talk about the details). The point is, you don't have to lie. You're thirteen, and it's perfectly reasonable to set boundaries and ask them not to bother you on this. If they continue to do so you can still say "it's not of their business" and be a teenager aka slam the door and avoid the conversation. Honestly I don't remember liking anyone at 13, male or female. I was too busy dealing with the strugs of being 13 and the lovely thing that is called middle school.
It really does suck. I get asked about girls all the time and it's the most awkward situation ever. I just want to shout 'I DON'T F****** LIKE GIRLS!', but I don't of course. I sometimes just say mind your own business or I don't wanna talk about that with you. I sometimes say 'all the girls at my college are ugly...' (they're really not, but I'm obviously not sexually attracted to them!), that usually works as an excuse. Luckily your only 13 at the moment, as you get older, it gets worse. The older you are, the more they wonder why you're still single. Don't sweat it though, think about your education and other things in life before dealing with all this crap.
