Hey im having a hard time right now just because all my friends are strait and im only out to one person but unfortunately she lives three hours away. I know i cant be mad at them because they dont know im gay so when they say things that offend me i just wanna give them my actual two cents. I live in a house with 9 room mates so its hard. There problems seem so silly an inconsequential to me. Has anyone else gone through this and what did you do about it. I'm not really sure i am able to come out to any of them i need to be more accepting of myself first but this is tough since i dont have any gay friends to talk about it with im kinda taking a shot in the dark at the moment.
I'm not out at all and everyone I know and hang out with is straight. You'll always be in this bind so long as they're unaware that you're offended. It really depends on who your room mates are. Are they just room mates? Or do you consider them friends just to make living together easier? Or are they actual friends? When you're living with 9 other personalities, you need to set some boundaries or you'll become a grumpy mess, like a lost house plant. When my friends say something offensive, I just point out that what they just said was 'messed up' or 'unfair' or just plain 'wrong' and I try to bring up a similar example non-gay related. They won't know it's offensive unless they're told so and understand how, so you can't blame them entirely. I'm usually the moral compass with my group of friends so they're pretty understanding. I also work in service, so I deal with offensive comments on a regular basis. If the comment's not directed at you, but in general, take it or leave it. If it's about a blatant misunderstanding, help them understand. If they're just jerks or being a jerk, leave it and take the high road; Superman can save the entire planet, but he can't save each and every individual nutcase jumping off a skyscraper. Just take a breath and assess the situation properly. Name calling and/or losing your cool won't help you either. Hope this helps? =D
I don't think having straight friends is an issue, especially if you're a gay male and they're straight females. When I came out to my straight, female friends, my bonds with them grew and I've become closer to people who I barely knew on a first-name basis. Coming out to straight girls is...well, for the most part, great. There's definitely truth in the annoying saying that a girls best accessory is a gay best friend.
Most of my friends are straight too, at least the close ones, and they aren't the most accepting of gay people. The only friends I've told so far are my close female friends and a couple of bi guys I hang out with but aren't interested in. It's a good first step that's made me feel a lot better. I can talk to them and it gives me more confidence. But my best friend isn't homophobic, but he feels a little uncomfortable around gay guys. I feel like since it's me he'll be ok and not worry about it so much, but I don't know for sure, and it's kind of scary. I'm still way too scared to tell him right now. So it definitely depends on what kind of people they are, how homophobic they are, and how much you trust them. If you are really good friends, I'd think it would work out ok but like I said, I understand why it's still hard to do.
Well I think hes mainly talking about guys and guy/guy relationships are often different to some extent than guy/girl relationships, especially if you haven't been out to them for along time. As for advice, you might want to try to make a few gay friends or at least meet some new people that you can be yourself around more easily. A new environment might give you some perspective and some confidence to tell other friends.
if there were making black jokes and you had a nephew or niece that was half black, what would you say? if they were calling each other retards and your brother was mentally challenged, what would say? if they called gay women dkyes and your sister was a lesbian, what you would say? my point is, at some point, you would stand up for the people that you loved and tell them it wasn't cool to say or do that. so hopefully soon, you will love yourself enough to stand up for yourself and tell them its not cool to do or say those things. but everything takes time. i had a situation exactdly like this with one friend that always had something homophobic to say, i challenged him on it passively but not really assertively because i did not want him to think i was gay. i eventually stoipped hanging around this guy and he cut me off too. problem solved. since you live with these people, maybe you can find an environment that is more conducive to you feeling good about yourself (moving away from them). if tehy are your true frineds they will suppoort you once you come out but coming out to 9 people at once culd be hard. just do what's best for you right now
