So my step dad, P, outed me to my mom and has been verbally and emotionally harassing me for as long as he's suspected I was into girls. Now, I WAS going to tell my mom once he found out, but he thought it would be better coming from him. The thought of this tool telling my mother something like that literally made me faint. Once I came too, he called and was "playfully teasing" me about how much my mother was going to HATE me, and how much HE hated me, and how I would get kicked out, and how I would NEVER see my girlfriend again, and how I wasn't even gay but he was telling her and it would be SO FUNNY. And so he hangs up and I hear my mom answer her phone with the most innocent "Hello?" ever. Later, he called back sounding GENUINELY PISSED OFF that my mom didn't hate my guts or care if I saw her. Then he started the lecture again about how I wasn't gay. Here are some of the comments: "Just wait til you find a man with 11 inches to shove in you. Then you'll change back." Uh, no thank you, that sounds disgusting, especially coming from my step dad. "You're SO desperate for attention, aren't you?" Coming from the man who has to hog the spotlight at all times. "Be bi. Guys like bi girls." Well I DO live to please men. Oh wait, no I don't. "When you masturbate, what do you imagine?" EXCUSE ME?! "At least get a hot chick." Just because YOU like skinny girls doesn't mean I'm going out of my way to leave the woman I love for your amusement. "Have you and V had sex yet? Did you go down on her?" If my mom knew a 49 year old man was asking her daughter this... "You're mom HATES you for this. If you ever say V's name again... well, just make sure it doesn't happen. Got it? Disgusting, both of you." "I have nothing against gay people." :tantrum: "Gay people make me sick. They shouldn't be allowed to (insert American rights here)." "LOL I'm just joking! ... no I'm not. I'm fucking dead serious. HAHA, no I'm not. I HATE YOU FOR BEING GAY. EVERYONE DOES!.... LOL, jkjk... disgusting." :bang::bang::bang: My mom doesn't stand up for me. Ever. I'm assuming she's terrified of him. As for me, other than being driven almost to suicide 3 times in one week, feeling suicidal and helpless for months, crying myself to sleep every day he's here (as a truck driver, it's only during the weekends thank GOD), and driving me to the point of blind, ginger fury as he constantly insults my girlfriend, I will be fine. I'm used to him insulting me and calling me names (worthless, stupid, retard, fat, faggot, goat, etc). However, I don't know how long my mind will take this. I've tried telling my mom and she always brushes it off.
Oh my gosh, you shouldn't be put through that. I dont have much experience with abuse but have you thought of having a 1 on 1 discussion with your mom about these sort of things? I know you've said she brushes it off but if it is stern enough she will help you. To me it sounds like hes abusing her. Im very sorry you have to go through this, I wish you the best of luck...
This. What you're going through most certainly sucks. I say about this situation, talk to your mom. I don't even know why she would be with your stepdad who has that kind of attitude. You need to talk to your mom about this. She needs to know what your stepdad is saying, and she might even help you if you're dead serious about it. She doesn't care that you're gay, so it might just work out, and neither should your stepdad.
Your post infuriated me to no end. He has absolutely no right to subject you or your mom to his bigoted, misogynistic, and homophobic rants and taunts. If you are able to, get out of there. See if there is a safehouse for teens or LGBT youth in your area and contact them for help. That man is pig and is using his power to dominate your life. I've sadly come across a few men like him before and there is no changing them nor is there any hope of them 'seeing the light' or finding the error of their ways. Don't let your precious teenage years be one of constant fighting and harassment. As sad as it is, I don't think your mom is strong enough to protect you, let alone herself. Your step-dad has too much control over her. For your safety and sanity, please try to find a different place to stay be it a safe house, a friend's place, a far away relative's house, or a community center. Talk to your guidance counselor or contact 1-866-488-7386. It's the Trevor Project Hot line. It's open 24 hours a day to help any one in the LGBTQ community needing help, assistance, or just someone to talk to. Be safe.
My suspicion, sad as it is to say, is that your mom won't do much about it. Women who are in relationships with men like that generally have really bad self-esteem problems, and tend to minimize any negatives they see. I hope that i'm wrong. I do think it makes sense to sit down with her -- maybe go out for coffee or something -- and calmly detail the key points of the things he's said, and how it's been affecting you. But be prepared for her to brush it off or minimize it or, worse yet, somehow make it your fault. The bottom line is, things like this absolutely suck, but you don't have to let them affect you. You can't stop him from saying such things, but you CAN choose to realize that he's an angry, hurt, homophobic guy with no concept of how to behave appropriately. And if you look at it that way, he's really kind of pathetic. So there's no reason to take anything he says and attach any meaning to it. Is there any possibility you can get out of the situation soon? Are you graduating and leaving home soon?
I'm a junior, so only another year. And sadly, Chip is right. I went from being Mommy's baby to the obnoxious brat that lives to ruin lives when they got married. We haven't been very close since then. Going out for coffee? With my mom? Just the two of us? Not a chance. It's been exactly eight months and 4 days since we've spent time together with just the two of us. Much of it she spent talking to her husband via phone, most was spent watching Josh Groban sing and be adorable, and for about 5 minutes we had fun calling her sister over and over asking stupid questions. Eight months. I laughed and cried at the "precious teenage years". I've wasted that while wallowing in depression alone with my Game Boy. I love the 2 friends I have and my girlfriend, but I've always wanted to be able to see my friends more than for one day every couple of months. P gets irritated when I leave the house when he's home and texts me frequently when I'm out. He does the same to my mom. He calls me up pestering me about where she is if she doesn't answer a text. I've almost had my phone removed from my custody for not replying to texts from him. (how does a suicidal girl respond to "are you dead yet?". The answer he always gives when I say no is "Dammit, hurry up.") And I DO feel bad for him, because he IS a pathetic old man. I can't tell if he's seriously emotionally abusive or what. I DID tell my counselor. I told my Grandmama and my therapist too, the latter two about the death threats I get whenever suppressing my diagnosed depression makes me go into a sort of mental meltdown. They all said I had to just rough it out.
That's really really awful that he would do that to you. And those comments he made are absolutely disgusting. You're 17 years old, so hyou only need to hang for a little while more before you can get out of there. In the mean time, I think you need to keep telling yourself he is a pathetic person, and that nothing he says is even remotely true. Try to hang on
^My words exactly, Does your mom take your depression personally, such as if you were feeling alone that she feels you dont wanna be with her, and so she treats you the way she does, if you can try to explain to her that your the victim in the situation that hopefully she can come to the realization that hes not worth either of your time and that you are right You are very strong for putting up with this at your age.. Dont commit suicide, its not worth it.
My mom calls my depression sulking and having a bad attitude. I get panic attacks in fear I'll have a panic attack in front of her. She flips out when I go into a "mood". My therapist calls it severe depression and anxiety disorder, but that's my fault. I need to learn to suck it up, but I'm so freaking weak I can't even force myself to do the things I love knowing damn well it'll make me feel better. Well that's just being lazy. And my school counselor just called. She just said to rough it out. I assume I will have long since gone insane by then, considering I already go into bouts of ripping my hair out when it doesn't fall out on its own. That or I'm being a huge baby and need to grow up. ---------- Post added 10th Apr 2012 at 10:14 AM ---------- If we leave P, we wouldn't be able to live in this city anymore. He is our sole source of income, apart from my mom and I babysitting. My brother is autistic, and his therapy is expensive. He needs that therapy. And my school counselor said that I couldn't leave before turning 18 unless I had their permission.
It sounds like neither your therapist nor your school counsellor is being helpful. In fact, I think your counsellor is just plain wrong. You've already tried roughing it out, and that's not working for you. There must be some better way. Have you tried the Trevor Project like JRNagoya suggested, or looked for queer youth organizations in your area? It depends on what city you're in, I guess, but some organizations offer housing specifically for teenagers in your situation. It would mean leaving your mom, but it sounds like you could handle that. Keep trying. We're all here for you (&&&)
