Recently, I've been going through a time where I'm curious, eager to learn about, and exploring my spirituality. As an atheist, this has gave me a lot of confusion and conflict. I'm not sure why this is happening now. Still, despite my exploration of these things, I can't bring myself to believe in a god. There's just something about deities that doesn't jive with me. There's just too much chaos in the world for me to think that one or more exists. I feel like I'm becoming a spiritual atheist, if that even makes sense. It's strange, but lately I've felt this bizarre connection to things I can't explain. I've been doing a lot of meditating. I always have as part of my program to combat depression, but lately my meditation has changed. Before, it was simply an exercise of to relieve stress, now it's taken on more spiritual aspects. Sometimes I have what I can only describe as waking dreams. I'll be conscious, but my mind feels like it goes elsewhere. To the point where I can see, hear, touch, smell, and even taste. They're vivid to say the least. Is there a scientific way to describe what's happening or am I really having spiritual experiences?
Being an atheist does not mean you cannot believe in spiritual things. I myself find rest in meditation, now I know this is due to the release of certain chemicals, but that does not make the experience any less spiritual to me. Ridding your mind of thoughts and stress does cause your mind to wander in a similar way that dreaming can, by exploring possibilities and looking at things from a new perspective. I'm sure there is a scientific explanation for waking dreams and heightened senses, alas I am no biologist, psychologist or expert on any of the other relevant fields. Trying to explore spirituality can only help you in the long run. Either you realise it's al based on personal emotion and introspection or you do find something spiritual. Either way if it does not harm you why not explore it? If anything in life, stay true to yourself, including your interests!
...I think that has something to do with Chakras - your higher being. You probably did Astral Projection without knowing it.
Atheists and theists have a lot more in common than most of us give ourselves credit for having in common. The difference tends to be that theists may attribute to a deity or supernatural force what atheists attribute to the vast potential within us all or the majesty of the universe. Our mind is an incredibly deep and powerful thing; the farther down you dig, the more you discover in yourself, and that can be hard to explain. We're often capable of way more than we think we are: a theist mights see this unexpected potential as a gift from God, while an atheist might see it as ability they had all along and just weren't giving themselves credit for. I guess it comes down to whether you trust that what you're experiencing can be explained without attributing it to something unexplainable and unprovable (a deity, a force of some kind, aliens, what-have-you) or whether you think you need those to explain your experiences. Either way, if any belief or lack thereof doesn't jive with you, don't think that you have to believe it anyway. You can't force belief in anything: belief, or lack thereof, a compulsion based on your experiences and values. Be true to those and you'll be alright.
Let me point out that this wasn't the first time I've meditated. I've got years of experience meditating, but this was the first time anything like this happened.
Then you are a Spiritual Humanist, and that is a good thing. Don't overthink this now, don't sell yourself short. Keep questing, questioning and learning. Buddha said "Right Wisdom", and that is what we all need.
