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My Story, Any Advice Appreciated

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by csocm, Apr 10, 2012.

  1. csocm

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    I am seventeen and I know I am definitely bi and most likely a lesbian. Last summer, I went on this church trip with my youth group and a group from another church. Most of the girls became pretty close on an emotional level and one of them came out to a bunch of the girls that she was bi. Within a couple of weeks after the trip I realized that I had feelings for her. But since I don’t really know her on that basic level and I am a pretty shy and quiet person it is hard for me to talk to her, let alone tell her I have feelings for her. It’s really hard when I go on facebook and it has that she is online in the chat sidebar because I really want to talk to her but I don’t know what to say. I am also always afraid of rejection or people responding to things badly.

    This past year I lost both of my parents to different illnesses a couple of months apart. Three of my best friends and a couple of my cousins have been amazing support through all of this. I have been wanting to come out for a while but as I said earlier, I am terrible with words and I get really nervous with telling people things. One of my best friends is lesbian and has been with her girlfriend for over a year now and everybody is totally cool with it. I have decided to come out to my best friend who goes to my church. I have known her for almost her entire life and I feel comfortable around her which I don’t normally feel when I am around other people. But I keep chickening out or not being able to find a good time. I know that the friends I am really close to and the couple of cousins that I want to tell would not have any problems with my sexuality; I just don’t know how to tell them or what I would say.

    My third problem is my family. I have this big family that I am pretty close with and I really do care what they think. One of my aunts is out and she and her partner have two kids. Most of the family is really cool with it and loves their kids. But one of her brothers has not talked to her in like six years. That same uncle happens to be one of my favorite uncles. He and I are pretty close and we can talk with out that awkwardness I usually feel when I talk to people. I have talked to him a bunch about glee, a show we both love, and I can talk about Brittany and Santana’s relationship. He doesn’t seem to mind and joins in on those conversations but I am not sure if it is different because they are fictional. I don’t really know what to do when I am with him now.

    I have a feeling that a bunch of people think I am gay because I have this extreme obsession with Brittany and Santana from glee. They also helped in my conclusion that I liked girls because I realized that I had massive celebrity crushes on both Heather and Naya. I really appreciate any help or advice that you can give me, because I really have no idea what to do.
     
  2. Mogget

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    This got stuck in moderation for awhile, so I'm bumping it up before it gets lost on the second page.
     
  3. sevinup07

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    It sounds like you would be readily accepted by most of the people close to you. I would definitely hold off on telling your uncle, just don't think of it as an important part of your relationship with him. As for your other family and friends, it's easiest to just be who you want to be and like who you like. Don't make it a secret and people will figure it out. If you really feel the need to tell someone (which I completely understand), tell someone you can really trust. You don't have to tell everyone at once, and you'll become more comfortable with it after awhile.
     
  4. Gravity

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out to everyone
    You could try first talking to the girl from your church trip. It sounds like she went through a similar experience, and she might be a good friend to have. Talking to friends, or even just acquaintances, first is usually a nice way to start coming out - it involves much less pressure. Obviously you'll want to be sure you can trust her with the information, but if she went through a coming out experience of her own like that, I'm guessing she would be a safe person to talk to.

    You might just start up a facebook conversation with her by saying you wanted to talk about how she came out on the trip (I would make a point of saying that you thought it was great of her up front, because she might think you're interrogating her :lol:slight_smile:. Once you broach the topic, it might be easier to talk about it.

    It sounds overall like you have a pretty welcoming environment around you. That doesn't make coming out any less scary, of course, but you can lean on that thought if it will make it easier for you. Take baby steps, start with low-committal revelations, and work your way up to best friends and then family. :slight_smile: