Okay, so this isn't exactly my problem per say, it's a friend of mine's and I really need help with it. So here it is: My friend has been depressed. I've always known this. She came in my school around the first/second quarter area, and is picked on by some really mean people. She has a wonderful group of friends (including me) who know what she is going through with her depression. For instance: I used to cut. I probably would still be doing this, and still in my depression, if not for my girlfriend, my friends, and family. Another one of her friends: used to cut/still is. You basically get the drift right? Anyway, she also can't seem to get a boyfriend, and blaims it wholeheartedly on herself, claiming she is "not as pretty as the other girls" and other stuff. On top of this, she has trouble at home. She dislikes her mother's boyfriend, her real father is in jail, and it just seems like her family never gives her a break. (Judging on what she has told us.) Today... She gave me her journal to read. Right in the front something jumped out at me. It was a bookmark type thing, more like a note, and on it, she had wrote: "Please, save me!" At the end of what she had wrote was something that scared me. I don't remember the exact words, but it was her saying that she might hurt herself. She used to cut, what stuck out at me was that she may do it again. That scared me. I read a little further and was really nervous. "Contemplated suicide. Even if I did, who would show up to my funeral? I bet no one would." Or something like that. It's terrifying me! I told one of our friends (one I can trust) about it, and she told me: "Don't worry. _______ just likes to over exaggerate." Or something like that. I was shocked. You don't "over exaggerate" about things like that! Not to mention, you wouldn't even be thinking about that if you were writing in someplace you thought no one would ever read! I'm scared and upset for her. I want to go to a teacher or someone, but she would be upset at me, and may actually think I "abandoned her" and that I "don't care", like she wrote in her journal. She wrote that no one cares, and no one would miss her. Or something around those lines. Then she might actually do something bad. Like suicide or cut. Then I think: "I knew... I knew, and what if tomorrow she doesn't come to school? What if she never comes back? I could have prevented that, if only I'd had told someone..." I really need help with this. Please. :icon_sad:
sounds like a really tough situation, I think your right to be worried as if someone is saying those kinds of things they need help. I'm not sure what I would do, my logical side says go to a caring responsible adult as her health should be number one priority and she will forgive you when she realises how you helped her, the hardest thing to do when you are in that mind set is to ask for help. Edit: It's a tough situation, you sound like your an amazing friend, try and not let it get you down aswell (*hug*)
Tomorrow I will go to a trusted adult, but I'm still terrified that she will get sent away to a mental hospital, or commit suicide, or cut. I'm still going to tell the teacher, but I'm really nervous. :icon_sad:
Oh my god, I am so sorry. Encourage your friend to get some help from the school counselor or whatever. Also, the thing you and your friend need to remember is: it gets better. Teenage years are the hardest, but pull through them! Hope I helped!
That is a really tough situation to be in but I'm glad that she has a good friend like you. Telling a teacher/school counselor/another adult is a great idea. I'd do the same. Make sure that you inform them that she is a suicide risk. Don't let them brush it off as teenage hormones. The way I see it, it is better to have her alive and mad at you. Depression is a tricky thing that should be dealt with as soon as possible
(*hug*) It's really tough, I'm sorry your going through this. Your friend is crying out for help and their are professionals who are paid to help with these kind of issues. I think your doing the right thing.
Thank you so much everyone who replied. I feel more confident that what I am going to do is the right thing, and I'm defiantly going to do it. As you said, better to have her alive and mad at me then the alternative. (*hug*)
Just another voice to encourage you to talk to someone - you're definitely doing the right thing. Talking to you in the first place is probably your friend's way of asking for help - it's possible that she might not even be mad at you. Good luck tomorrow!
Encourage your friend to seek help, and if she refuses, tell a teacher. She may hate you for it, but it's better for her to hate you and be getting helped than for her not to hate you and to get worse and worse.
even if she's mad at you, she'll realize eventually that you wouldn't have told an adult unless you cared. we can't really advise you, over the internet, as to whether or not your friend is suicidal. also, even as her friend, you are not a trained mental health professional, so you also cannot be expected to discern if she is suicidal or not. that's why they have a crisis nurse at the hospitals, or trained counselors. also, whether or not she is at the point of being suicidal, she sounds like she really does need outside help. someone who is a trained professional, who can help her develop a sense of self-worth, who can help her begin to see herself as someone valuable. if you talk to an adult about this situation, whether she's suicidal or not there is an increased chance that she will get the help she needs. if you don't talk to an adult about this, there is a chance that she could die. will you see her at school tomorrow? one suggestion I would make, depending on how strong you are and if you will see her or not, would be to tell her that what you read really makes you worry about her, and to warn her that you are going to tell a teacher. Don't give her a choice about whether you tell someone or not, but give her what choices you can give her - for example, if she wants to go with you or not. And maybe if she decides to go with you, ask her if there's a particular teacher that she would prefer to talk to. But if you do talk to her first, make sure that you make it clear that what is NOT a choice is the part where an adult has to become involved. I've struggled myself with suicidal urges in the past, and I've had friends who have made sure I've gotten the help I needed. I've been angry with them for it, grateful to them for probably saving my life and for caring enough to risk me being angry with them, and even more grateful to the ones who were able to get me help while still giving me as much power over the situation as they could while not allowing me to continue to be at risk. I think she is very lucky to have a friend like you, who cares enough to get her the help she needs. The relatively small town that I live in has had 14 teenage/young adult suicides in the past year or two, one of which was from my parish's youth group. So everyone here has learned the hard way, to take it seriously whenever anyone says they are feeling suicidal. Because of the sheer number of suicides (we only have, I think, 5 high schools in the immediate area), the local media has printed a list of specific signs to watch for that might indicate a person is considering suicide - and even in a school and in a tight knit group of kids who are all watching each other and are all aware of the most common signs that someone is a potential suicide risk, we still lost another 16 year old kid barely a few months ago. so your friend is lucky, that because of you, she will be getting help. her family, and everyone around her who loves her (however imperfectly), are lucky also that she reached out to you for help, and that you are wise enough to know that this is a sign that she needs the kind of help that only a trained adult can give. suicide ends in a dead kid, and a community around that kid that is changed forever. her parents, her siblings, every single person who knew her - even people who maybe only saw her in passing - would wonder forever if they were to blame for her death, would fault themselves in some way. if she has siblings, their chance of committing suicide themselves would increase by about 40%. if there were any media coverage of her death, which would be likely as she is so young, it would increase the chances that all the kids who read that coverage and are contemplating suicide might actually attempt it, and there would be some kids who are depressed who would see the attention her suicide draws and would begin contemplating it simply because they read about her. it would increase the risk of her friends, and also of the kids who are picking on her who would feel some kind of blame. suicide, particularly teen suicide, balloons out to impact the entire community in the worst possible way. but people who are thinking about suicide don't recognize that - they feel invisible, like no one would care, and they often forget that there are people who love them. yes, she will likely be upset with you. but you are doing the right thing by her, and the right thing by her family and by all the people who would be impacted by her loss. the right thing is sometimes the most difficult thing to do, and that is what you are doing in this situation. so do your best, be brave, and know that even if she is angry with you for it, you have done the right thing. good luck. I don't know if it's any comfort to you, but I'll be praying for both you and your friend tomorrow. ---------- Post added 10th Apr 2012 at 06:47 PM ---------- ps - I would advise against just accepting a promise from her that she will tell, as if she really is suicidal she could just decide to lie to you about it and not go through with telling anyone. either go with her while she tells someone, or tell someone yourself, but make it so that you know for sure that there is an adult involved.
