Losing my best friend...

Well as I said earlier when you posted on my post (Thanks for advice) Im not very good as this thing, But if you want my advice just hope for the best, or if your devilous you could be friends with one of his best friends OR you could just try and find new friends, Im trying to do that now :/ But I think it will work.

 

Obviously losing a friend hurts, but it happens. If they don't want to help you work on mending the relationship though, you have no reason to stress over it. You simply talk to different people, eventually you will find someone that you grow close to - a new best friend. If he doesn't want to remain friends, you can't force him....just hope for the best.

 

It happens, and truth be told, given it's gotten to this stage, there's not a lot you can do to stop it. You've just got to find a new best friend.

 

First off, that's a real bummer that he's basically demoted you to "just another friend".
I know the pain of losing a real close friend, and it's not exactly the greatest experience. -_-
Not a day goes by where I don't wonder what he's up too. :/
BUT, I'm getting off track here.... sorry.

I definately can relate to not having a large group of friends and it's not easy to make new
friends at this age... :/
If you do any sports or clubs, I'd suggest talking to the people there and try to make some
new friends there. It doesn't hurt to at least attempt to make some new friends... just like how
you met N. :3
This doesn't mean that you need to cut A out of the picture. Just still talk to him like normal...
whatever "normal" means for you, whether it be a few minutes or a few hours. This really seems
like one of those jealousy games where your friend N makes A jealous, and A's new friend makes
you jealous.
I'd suggest at some point to try to talk to A in person. You're gonna have to resolve this silly
little drama sooner or later. :\

Good luck, bro! *hug*

 

I'm sorry to be a butt, but these things do happen. It hurts, will bear heavily on your mind and heart for a long time, but sometimes friends give you up without even realizing it, or possibly do not even consider you as important as you consider them to be. A most likely doesn't realize he's hurting you so badly! You really need to further express your feelings to him, and tell him how hurt you are. Even if he thinks it's silly at first or in general, it's important that you air these grievances. It will help with re-establishing a bond with him or even "moving on" so to speak (I'm still moving on from the death of a friendship that was my fault completely, so I know what you're feeling in a way!).

Also, there's no need to be snappy at the other members here! They're only trying to be honest and helpful. >:::: ( Sorry if this comment is uncalled for but..

Edit: Okay, the totally macabre part of my mind is assuming that a friendship-death is happening here, and I'm so silly for thinking like that! Like Waffles said, this can most likely be settled under the "silly drama" catagory, and be resolved simply and easily without the loss of A's company. Derp.

 

I had a similar falling out with a past friend of mine, she was one of my best friends when we met in the 6th grade and we were in girl scouts together. Well we would always sit together on the scout trips and spend the night at each others houses and then in 8th grade when I came out to her that I was Bisexual I asked if she though of me any differently and she said no... well on the scout trips after that I began to notice she was distant from me, she would still talk and laugh with me but she wouldn't sit by me in the van or sleep next to me in the tent on the camping trips anymore and it was like she replaced me with a couple of the other scouts and it hurt...

We still talk but it's very rare, like once or twice a year. I think that all you can do is tell him how you feel, that you feel somewhat neglected by him and wish he would make more of an effort to be close to you. If he shrugs it off then part your ways and find someone who is worthy to be your best friend and if he listens to you and seems like he cares and tries to make an effort then there you go, you have your besty back

 

Hey,

When I was in year 9 my two best friends dumped me because they thought I was gay, previously the three of us had done everything together I don't think everyone was trying to be unsupportive, I think they were just trying to get across that we've all been there.

But things for you are a little different - you're still friends... can that be enough, even if you're not best friends? Blacksheep also mentioned that you can be completely honest with him, which I think is a good starting point. There's no use being jealous at each other without the other one knowing it, I think in the long term it would just be destructive to the friendship. If there's any misunderstandings or animosity, clear it up!

With guys though, talking things out and being completely honest doesn't always work out, cuz us guys don't always like talking about 'our feelings' It sounds like you did try to talk to him though (i.e. when you tried to talk to him and he said goodnight). I think you need to think about what that action means - does it mean that he felt awkward about discussing it, does it mean that he doesn't care about it enough, or does it mean that something you said annoyed him? Actions can speak louder than words.

Finally, I think it seems like you're very attached to your best friend A. You talk about all the good times you've had, and even when you hadn't seen him in awhile, you still enjoyed spending time with him. I think maybe you need to detach a little - that doesn't mean that you give up, but you just need to realise that it's an uncertain period in the friendship and that the future is uncertain.

Like I said earlier, we've all been there... I've been there... and I survived. You'll make new friends even if you lose some old ones. Hope I've been of some assistance, and good luck!

 

Losing a best friend isn't uncommon in someone's life, during my High School, I have tons of friends and I made a best friend. Now that I graduated High School, I feel like I have none. Now, all you've got to do is move on with life and find a new one. Do not stress a relationship when you know that the opposite side isn't trying to work out the relationship and bond with each other. It's like a task for two people where on ceases to function; it's hard.

And if you want a new friend, try someone with the same interests as you. It'll click.

Anyywaaysss, Good luck with A. I hope everything will end up well.

 

You're stuck on this idea that having a "best friend" is a binary choice: He can either be your friend, or D's friend, but not both. Why not?

There's waaaaay too much importance on the title of "best friend". You wouldn't be nearly as bothered if you didn't call him your "best friend". So do just that. You guys are now friends. You can have friends and not see them very often. I have friends, even really close friends (I guess you'd call them "best friends") who live hours away from me, that I hardly talk to or see anymore, but we're still really good friends.

At your age particularly (being a teenager), people's interests change. The friends you make there likely won't be around for the rest of your lives. Some might, but a lot of people will realize as they're growing up, they can find other people they connect with even better. People who share similar interests, goals, etc.

Do yourself a favour and make new friends. There is no reason you can't make new friends, you just need to push yourself out of your comfort zone. If everyone in the world who had trust issues never made friends, there'd be a hella lot of lonely people out there.

 

I'm so sorry that you've been going through this. I know what it's like to lose a friend. You can check my latest thread post, which has some to do with losing friends along time ago. As much as this sucks, it's kind of a part of life. For me, with a few exceptions, it happened after high school. People I'd been friends with all through junior high, and high school moved on. Had their own lives and families and jobs. I cried. Many nights, I cried myself to sleep. It sucks. It's awful. It's hard. You have to move on too. Find new friends. Stay in touch with him, see if he is interested in being friends still. But if not, if he's moved on, you should move on too. It's an awful facet of life, and I'm sorry it's happening. If you ever wanna talk, PM me. I know all about loss of people you love/loved. But keep your chin up. Cry if you need to. There will be new friends. I hate to toss "it gets better" around, but it does get better.

 

Again, why do you need HIM back? What makes him so special that you can't find in anyone else?

Evidently you aren't happy with the way he's treating your friendship. There isn't any surefire way to "fix" relationships; you kind of both have to be yourselves and let it run it's course. If it fizzles, it fizzles, and probably for the best. It's hard to accept, but that's kind of what it comes down to.

 

This is a tough time in life, and I'm sad to say that it is a time that happens. Can you guys just be friends, and leave the pressure to be 'best' aside?

But yes, it happens... Friends come and go, it's a hard lesson of life. But a very important one. I have a hard time making friends too, as I have social anxiety, an avoidant personality and trust issues, as you have, and when my best friend of 6 years decided to leave out friendship completely and stop responding to me, it was horrible!!! I didn't get over it for 3 years! But I was completely alone of the first time in my life, without friends at all, dropped out of school so total isolation basically for 3 years... These last 3 years I have finally found out who I am, what I want out of life, and that has given me the power to find deeper friends. Put yourself out there into group situations and you will meet people. I found one of my friends from a meetup at a meetup.com group, that's a great place to meet people. I don't even remember talking because I was so shy, but that doesn't stop the law of attraction

When I look back on that highschool best-friend, I feel like our friendship was not even that close compared to what I have now with my other best friends now, thanks to the fact that I went through that hardship of being alone and finding myself. This could be the start to a really timeless lesson that will benefit you in the end.

But for now, just focus on the fact that you don't have to lose this friend completely. You guys can still be friends, can't you? Just keep the drama on the downlow, make the situation seem not very intense, be very chill about it. You don't have to be besties, even just temporarilly! And by the way, once the drama is gone a few months or years away, you can meet up with him again, and there's that opportunity to re-friend him when you guys have both done some growing away from eachother. That's a wonderful thing, too.

 

I've actually had this happen to me 3 times before (how fun). The first two were in high school. I ended up becoming best friends with one of my friends friends, and we were really close. The friend who had introduced me to him ended up becoming his girlfriend, and after that we rarely talked or hung out. We'd make plans only for him to blow me off fifteen minutes before. It got to the point where every time we talked or were around each other it lead to big blowouts, and we just stopped talking. After things cooled down, we tried to fix things but it was just never the same and it died off permanently.

The third time was recently, when my friend Mia stopped acknowledging my existence after I helped her to get with her current boyfriend. After listening to her whine and pine over him, giving her advice, and spending two months of my life helping her whenever I could, as soon as I got her with him then she doesn't seem to notice me anymore. We never talk, and we we do it's about Marcus, and I never see her anymore.

For a long time, I was pissed at the first two friends. It got me to point where I was deeply depressed and felt alone, and it affected my grades and my life. But I eventually came out of it. Recently I've realized that I'm not the problem. The people who call themselves my friends are. If they can't realize how there for them I am, how supportive I am, and how good of a friend that I am, why should I care? They're the ones missing out, not me. And when they need something, then they'll turn to me for help. Losing friends happens. It hurts, and it's not a clean and easy process. You can either dwell on it, or move on and try to make new friends. You're only a freshman, and you've got three years to make new friendships and relationships with people. You never know what'll happen in those three years. You could find someone who's a lot better than A, someone you'll be friends with for life. Just don't think that you can't make it through high school without him, because it's not the truth.

PS - Sorry for the massive post.

 

I was in the same boat as you when I was a freshamn 3.5 years ago. I lost both my best friends and unfortunately for me, there was no getting it back. You know what I did? I just tried to be friendlier with kids I had multiple classes with, and since i play tennis I joined the tennis team. I made more friends, it turned out ok.
And you know what? When i moved after sophmore year, the vast majority of people I made friends with stopped talking to me. I talk to two out of the 75 once every 2-3 months. And its because I'm out of the loop of what's going on over there. And you know what I did? I just tried to be nice to people in my classes, and I have two friends who I love and care about a ton, and they are great (though maybe not very connective phone wise)
And at the end of this year I know what will happen, ill lose touch with them because I'm out of the loop, and when I go to college I won't have any friends, and I guess ill have to do what I did the last two times, and just make more friends.
And when you move to a new house or apartment when you're all grown up, your going to have to do it again, and again, and again.
I'm jot teying to sugar coat anything, this shit is hard especially when you are shy, during my freshman and junior year I spent many a month sitting by myself with no one around eating lunch until i made some friends. And i was angry and upset that my old friends stopped talking to me, you just have to face the facts that you will lose people along the way, and sometimes for no good reason, so what i suggest to you is to start being nice to people in class (very rarely are they all dicks) and keep talking to A just as friends, and bring up the situation with him at the right time, it will be awhile before you guys become good friends again.
Sorry for any typos this is on my phone.