Okay, so I've had homosexual feelings for several years but never came out to the people I love (and to myself) until the last two weeks or so. I never wanted to have homosexual feeling and for a long time I wanted to "correct" this problem. For as long as I can remember, I've been trying to "act straight" and apparently I've done a pretty good job at it. I came out as gay because I have been sexually attracted to males for as long as i've had sexual feelings, but I can have emotional attractions to males and females, and I have trouble romantically connecting to either gender (relationship anxieties?). Now I'm wondering if I really am gay. I mean, I love the male physique, mannerisms and attitudes but I easily connect to males and females on a personal level. But I can't imagine myself being in a relationship with a male or a female. I'm just confused. I guess I keep thinking that my sexual and emotional attractions should match perfectly and they're not. I'm kinda feeling like I'm going a little crazy about this... Could confusion like this be from being closeted for so long? Did anyone else go though feelings like this?
Hmm I have never been through this ordeal but maybe you are Asexual? I think that's what they call it when you are attracted to one or both genders physically but not sexually, unless there is another name for it that I have never heard? Or maybe you are Bisexual? I think all you can do is try and open yourself up a little bit and experiment sexually with guys and girls and see what you like or don't like, or if you even like sex with either gender at all. Good luck
well i cant speak for everyone but i never second guessed myself after coming out, been gay for as long as i can remember, and i even contemplated using bisexual as a label to hide from coming out as fully gay cause lets face it, being gay isnt the best of things to tell people. look, i can say myself that i can connect emotionally to both genders emotionally, if i were straight i would have had a girlfriend here and there, but at the end of the day i am not fooling myself to try and fit in with society, im going to be who i am, i came out so i wouldnt have to be something i wasnt, you need to remind yourself why you came out as gay also.
Blakqsh33p- Thanks for your response, I'm really hesitant to consider myself bisexual because I'm not really attracted to females in comparison to males. Also, I've thought that I was asexual before but I realized that I do desire sexual arousal and I am sexually aroused by attractive males (I just feel uncomfortable with the idea that something will happen one day with someone, preferably male). Experimenting may be a good idea, I just have no desire to experiment with women. If there is any shred of desire in me to do anything with a woman, it stems entirely from curiosity. sanguine- Yeah, telling people that you're (or we're) gay is uncomfortable... I almost know that I would have a girlfriend if I were sexually or physically attracted to females at all, but I'm not. And I feel like you should be attracted to your boyfriend/girlfriend in every way... Also, I agree that I just need to remind myself of why I came out in the first place; to stop lying to myself and others. It's a relief to be able to talk honestly with others about my attractions, it just feels so foreign though. Like it's not really me, but it is. (That's why I feel like it could be from being closeted for so long) I don't know if I'm making sense this late at night, I hope I am. (It's 3:52am here...)
The reasons why you can't connect emotionally to someone might come from being closeted and they might have another reason. You are really the only person who is able to know. I personally went through a phase right after I started coming out to myself where I honestly felt like I could never ever be in a relationship with a guy. I was sexually attracted to men, but I couldn't picture kissing, holding hands or dating a guy. It was something that used to actually disgust me. Turns out though, that it was all internalized homophobia. Sort of like a wall that my brain created in order to make it easier to hide the fact that I was gay. The more I accepted myself (it took around 4 months after I started accepting myself) the more those emotions came up. It took a while and even after I got a boyfriend it took me a while to get used to the whole idea of it. It took me forever, for some weird reason, to be comfortable to call him any corny pet names. Either way, the best advice I can give you is to try and be as honest with yourself as you can. Allow yourself to go through the emotions and try to shut the brain up just a little. I know it can be hard, but that is what helped me out a lot.
A deep emotional connection can be friendship/love, that doesn't make you "attracted" per se. The only difference between that and relationship love is that relationships usually have lust in them too. That's actually where I keep screwing up- getting involved with people that I'm attracted to on an emotional level, and then having to backtrack because the sex is empty and ruining what could have been amazing friendships.
Well, yeah, I've felt that confusion and self-doubt! I feel it all the time, as I'm still sorting through and organizing my feelings about who I am. I've got a lot of time to figure it all out though, if I ever really do! You clearly find men sexually attractive, I would say that makes you homosexual in a nutshell. You may have relationship-related anxiety issues, like you said. These two things are actually pretty seperate issues, but can affect one another negatively. I am not sure if being closeted for a long while can cause relationship anxiety, but it would make sense: If you're still anxious about how others percieve who you are, that can definetly get in the way of opening up and letting a potential relationship flourish. It's alright if you have emotional feelings towards both men and women, those feelings have nothing to do with your sexuality, by the way! It just makes you capable of caring for and platonically affecting towards both sexes, which is perfectly fine! Erm, I can't really think of anything else to say, I'm sorry! I'm also sorry that you feel this way, and I hope for the best for you! :::: ( Sorry again!
I'm in a similar situation as yourself, I am constantly debating/denying whether or not I am gay. Frankly, I know that I am gay. But the question is mostly regarding my views on women... Its very difficult coming to an understanding, and personally I wish there was no labeling on sexuality. Maybe I am saying that out of spite for my own sake :lol: Who knows! Good luck discovering yourself.
When I told my dad, and saw the look on his face, I suddenly felt this doubt because I didn't WANT to be gay, I didnt want to dissappoint him. Maybe that has something to do with it, yanno, like,perhaps this self-doubt has been influenced by the reactions or opinions of other people. The only way to truly tell is by asking yourself what you honestly feel and want, not what others feel and want for you. Just be honest with yourself, and stop worrying about the people around you, and it might help to answer your question good luck xx
Thanks for the input everyone! You guys are spot on with the stuff you're saying. It makes a lot of sense. I guess self-honesty is the key here... Thanks again everyone!
Speaking solely for me, no. When I realized I was attracted to guys, I sort of ran with that internally for a while. I just sort of liked guys mentally, but didn't date or hook up with anybody. The longer I did, the more "gay" seemed to fit. So I just finally came out to everybody. I don't know about relationships. I can't say I specifically pictured a relationship, or a "marriage", or anything along those lines. I just was interested in guys, and figured the rest would come. And it did. Lex
