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Okay: Problem or is She Just Adjusting?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by RainbowWolfie, Apr 11, 2012.

  1. RainbowWolfie

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    My Mother took my coming out pretty well.
    ...
    She did.
    Not me.

    Needless to say, I broke down and sobbed hysterically, because I wasn't yet ready to come out to my family.
    She had asked if I was going out with my girlfriend and I had said yes, because I'm a terrible liar.

    She had taken it fine, I realized this later on, and I was quite happy.
    But she, and my Aunt, keep dropping these... Hints...

    Me: .... *Daydreams in the car.* ....
    Mom: Hey look at that boy. I wonder if he is in soccer or baseball? (He is wearing a sports uniform.) Must be a team here. (More people wearing the same uniforms.)
    Me: Yep.
    Mom: Yep, all those cute boys.
    Me: *Knowing glare.* Yep.

    Mom: *Talks to my Aunt.*
    Me: *Watches my cousin playing on the TV.*
    (Don't remember the conversation this well through this part, so I'm going to skip a bit.)
    Me: Gay people can have relationships too you know. *Frowns at my Mom and Aunt.*
    Mom: Yes, but sex... (Again don't remember much.)
    Aunt: What about women that are in same sex relationships?
    Mom: Um...
    Aunt: They use toys, or strap on plastic dicks. (So sorry for this part, it's kind of graphic/odd. Subtlety isn't her strong point.)
    Me: Alright I get it!
    Aunt: Just letting you know what you're getting into.
    Me: :icon_mad:

    Me: Hey Mom! Guess what happened today?
    Mom: What?
    Me: A and B are going out!
    Mom: They are both girls?
    Me: Yep! And they are so cute together!
    Mom: Is everyone at your school Gay? :dry:
    Me: :icon_sad:

    I can't tell what these things mean. Any advice?

    :help:
     
  2. Phoenix91

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    From reading the conversation it seems to me like though your mother took your coming out pretty well she might be thinking like many others do that you are going through a "phase" and that maybe as your older you will change your mind. She's probably not very versed in the gay lifestyles and has no point of reference to know how gay relationships function. I guess this is the point where communication with your aunt and mother will be important. The hint dropping about boys can get annoying but it's your moms and aunts subtle way of hoping a boy will get your attention and not a girl. It's a tough situation but dont let that get you down and I wish you the best.
     
  3. RainbowWolfie

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    @Phoenix91:
    Thank you for the advice and the well wishes.
    :slight_smile:
     
  4. Pilgrim is hot

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    it sounds like your mom just doesn't know about how not being straight works :rolle:, I'd just keep reminding her that your the same as any other person your age except you find girls attractive.

    It's probably just going to take some patience.

    Oh and I would of totally just said yes to that :lol:
     
  5. RainbowWolfie

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    Thanks for the advice Pilgrim.
    :slight_smile:

    And I laughed when I read you would have said yes.

    x3
     
  6. Ianthe

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    ROFL. Some lesbians use toys, but it is NOT a requirement. There are plenty of things to do without them, although I won't be graphic about it. And straight people can use toys too, and do, often enough. Gay people do not do anything sexual that straight people don't do. Rather, straight people do ONE thing that gay people don't (can't). And, I don't think there is ANY sex act that all gay men, or all lesbians, perform. Literally none, while some are more common than others. In same-sex relationships, there is actually a lot of flexibility and freedom regarding what you and your partner do together, while for straight couples there is almost always at least one thing that it is presumed you will eventually consent to.

    (Not consenting to vaginal intercourse would almost certainly be a deal breaker for any straight relationship, while in same-sex relationships, you can find people who, for example, don't go in for any penetration at all. There is much less advance presumption of what you will do sexually with a same-sex partner, and you and your partner get to decide that together.)

    If your mom and aunt were as ignorant about gay male sex as they clearly were about lesbian sex, you should probably take everything they said on that topic with a grain of salt.

    Your profile says you are bisexual. I presume that's what you told your family. So, your mom is trying to relate to your "straight" side--she's encouraging you to like boys. If you were out to her as a lesbian, I would think that was more offensive. Don't get me wrong--it's still offensive, just not as much as if you had told her that you don't like boys.

    Tell your mother that, no, everyone at school is not gay. Most people aren't, which is why it's worth mentioning that A and B are dating--it's unusual for you to get to see a relationship that you can relate to as a girl who likes girls, and it's exciting for you.

    Unfortunately, it's unlikely that your mother will adopt a truly neutral stance to the gender of the people you date--she would clearly prefer that you date boys. Since that is an option for a bisexual, you can probably expect her to go on encouraging you in that direction for some time, at least whenever you are not in a relationship that she thinks is serious.
     
  7. Farouche

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    Hopefully your mom is the one "going through a phase," and she'll be less annoying eventually, but she'll probably never stop trying to influence you. That's what parents do. If she says anything really clueless, you could suggest that she do some research on what it means to be bi. A normal mother will respond to that by saying she doesn't have to, but then trying to learn more when you're not watching. An awesome mother will say that's a good idea, and ask where she can find helpful information.