Well. Maybe that is an exaggeration; being only 31. Its more I feel alone. Ive had three relationships, total; I have utterly abysmal luck with women. And that is the thing - I get trans (MTFs) and men tripping over me. But honestly? I want a relationship that I can have a family in -- IE, continue my bloodline. It doesnt help that while I am close to my family; they dont know. I feel resigned to keeping that aspect of me tucked away, for...well a long while anyway. I moved back up north so I could help THEM out - but I wonder what the price to myself is. And really? overall Id not mind it - if i wasnt so damned alone. I know what, in a woman, it is i need too - a mentally strong, intelligent woman, capable of handling my MANY quirks (and kinks), who savors my femme aspects, is as open as I am -- and ALSO wants to have kids. The last is really important to me - I want to continue my family's bloodline. My sibling can't, and while it is important to my parents too - its more important to ME. I dont wish to adopt, though I would consider if there are children from a previous thing -- IF the option for our own kids were there. And yet.... Seems like i cant turn around without seeing another woman, either with kids, or so blitzed off her rocker with any and or every drug you can imagine; it drives me batty. Am I being too fussy? I dont know. But the drugs, i think, are a fair requirement to be clean and clear of. Blah, this sounds more like a wanted ad. Ugh. I do find myself asking - is who I want, hell, NEED, does she really exist? 20+ years ive been hoping, for what more and more seems like a dream... And no, Im not suicidal or such; depressed, yes, but not suicidal. Just bloody frustrated. Thanx for reading, anyway...
It's your life, you should be able to rant all you want about what should be happening in life and try your best to accomplish those things including having a family. I know when you reach a certain age you feel like you want to do so many things but have no idea where to start or how to begin them. Today I got a haircut and all the hair that my barber snipped off I saw many grey hairs and I'm only 27 years old. Seeing those grey hairs showed me that I need to start enjoying life and starting my future with my husband. I have brother's who have been able to continue our family bloodline because they now have kids, and those kids will have their own kids in the future. I know it can be a bit depressing seeing other families and knowing that you want to continue the bloodline. Just gotta do one thing at a time, trying not to feel overwhelmed at the hurdles you have to leap over, just find the one thing that you feel is easy to accomplish first. If you decide to take all the hard hurdles first you'll find yourself stumbling over them and feeling like it's hopeless to accomplish.
I don't think it's a good idea to exclude potential partners because of fertility issues. You CAN get a surrogate, if you have to, and have kids, your own kids, that way. It's not a good reason to turn away from a relationship that is otherwise what you want. If your reason for not being with a transwoman or a man is that you won't be fertile together, I think that's not a good enough reason to turn away from a relationship. (Of course, I am not suggesting that you should date anyone that you aren't attracted to--but from what you said, that didn't seem to be the issue.) I mean, if you married a woman who was everything you wanted, but she turned out to be infertile, would you leave her? Or would you find some other way? Not wanting kids is another matter, of course--if a prospective partner doesn't want kids, your goals aren't compatible with hers. My suggestion is to look for the right person to spend your life and raise your children with, and then figure out how to go about having the kids. Surrogacy should be an option for you.
^ I totally agree with the above post. To be honest, I'm confused with what you really want. In your gender you put yourself somewhere between male and female. OK. But physically, if your objective is procreation, you must be one or the other. I'm assuming you're male. Then for your orientation you say you "prefer mostly fems, ish". That's pretty wishy washy. Does that mean you prefer fem guys? Of females - sort of? Could it be that this ambiguity is scaring people off? Because all this ambiguity and non-traditional gender and orientation positioning doesn't really compliment your objective of having a family in a very traditional way. I'm not really sure that you can have it both ways. That you can 'have your cake and eat it too'. The other thing I'd say is that if your primary purpose for dating or being in a relationship is procreation - that's likely to scare off potential partners too. I don't think many women want to be thought of as baby-making machines, and that seems to be your primary concern here. Especially if from an emotional and physical level you're not really interested in being with a traditional woman. You're not talking about finding a life partner so much as carrying on a blood line. And in my opinion, unless you're part of a monarchy somewhere, this seems a little silly. It isn't your job to pass on your mom and dad's DNA to the next generation. That's not necessarily what you're here for. I do have children myself, and my ex wife and I are good parents who are able to provide a safe, stable and nurturing environment for our kids. Raising healthy, well adjusted children is more of a social responsibility than a hereditary responsibility. This might be something that you need to let go of. In the end it might not work out - and maybe you need to be preparing yourself for that realization.
Weeelll... as far as gender goes, I muchly prefer the femme spectrum. That is to say, femme-y women AND men are what I prefer to be with, associate with and so forth. Butchy females im not particularly fond of (though it is a case by case thing) and masculine men or women, gaaaaggg. What title this gives me? You tell me. As far as kids go - I look at it as simply being honest. Why would I hook up with someone who hates kids, or the idea of having kids? That isnt fair to either party. Im not saying the SOLE reason for wanting a relationship is to have kids - Im saying I want to have a stable relationship, and part of that would be having kids. One aspect, but not the single aspect. Im just extremely honest about how I am and what I want eventually. Does that make it any more clear?
Maybe it's the way you structured your original post. I got: "I'm not really into women, I am into men, but that doesn't work because I want to have kids." So when you say you have utterly abysmal luck with women what do you mean? What do you think is the driver behind that? And if you have trans women and (presumably) gay men falling all over you, what do you think is behind that? If you're in Canada's north west then you're not exactly in a region that is rich in diversity like some of the urban centers are. So your potential mates are fewer in number for sure - which will make finding them difficult. I guess my other concern is that if you're not out to your parents (and again - I'm not sure what you're not out about - being bisexual?!?) then I'm assuming you're not out to the general public either where you live. Will you come 'out' to the people you date? Or is your intention to marry a woman and not tell her that you have interest in men?
