So I'm worried tha I think I'm gay for a reason other than I'm actually gay. Even though I'm very confused about my sexuality when I'm feeling confident and good about myself I tend to think to myself "I'm gay". I'm wondering if I'm associating gayness with confidence and I'm not actually gay, just making a weird association. Also, I fin guys really sexy, and yet the thought of actual sex with a guy slightly disturbs me. Almost the opposite I don't find girls all that sexually attractive (usually) but I can easily imagine sex with a girl. Idk if this is bargaining or denial or me actually not being gay. I'm afraid that I want to be gay (I kind of do, which is a bit weird itself) becuase of all of the support videos and forums and all of that gives me a feeling of belonging and love that I don't have elsewhere. Anyway, I have all these thoughts and idk I they are denial or legitamate concerns.
Hi, Although I am a female, I can relate to you completely. Being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I have had a difficult time determining which feelings are real and which are false. But if you look back on your past experiences and behaviours, it might be easier for you to piece together that your sexual orientation has existed like that for awhile. I also understand the slight apprehension over fantasizing about the same-sex. Even if our families are liberal, we were still raised in a homophobic society. That sentiment is deeply ingrained and we internalize it. And it's good that the forums give you a feeling of belonging. In psychology class I learned that you have to feel in control and at the top of an area that matters to YOU and not others, because it will provide the most self-confidence. And that self-confidence comes from recognition of truth. So if you derive that from this community, then it seems like you know who you are.
I've had similar feelings..is it denial or what?? As far as the not being able to imagine sex, etc....I'm able to imagine it, but I then begin to feel wrong about it. I think it's just denial, but I'm not sure. I have begun therapy and it has really helped! I suggest it!
Are you attracted to men? Do you look at men and feel anything? If you aren't sexually attracted to either sex you may be a-sexual.
You might just be someone who has romantic attractions to men and sexual feelings toward women. All things are possible.
I think the stigma that much of society places on homosexuality (even on sex in general) is a very powerful thing, as is the little censor in your mind. I was very sexually repressed growing up, but as I worked on removing the stigma that sex had in my mind I found that my feelings changed and I became more comfortable about the idea of sex, even gay sex.
