I have been a member of EC for a while now. But have yet to really make all the use that I can of it. I have been questioning myself for sometime. I have jumped back and forth from thinking I am gay to bisexual more times than I care to think about. When I first came out to my girlfriend I believed I was bisexual. I believed this to be true. But I seem to be stuck in a rut at the minute and can’t seem to move forward. The bottom line of everything is that I get turned on by men. I have little problem now in admitting that. I have done a bit of exploring and have started to identify what kind of person I would be attracted to. I also get turned on by my girlfriend. We got a new place together about a month ago so that I could get the space to get to know myself. Being accepting of myself and my same sex attractions has really opened my eyes in more ways than one. Not only am I figuring out what kind of guy I might be attracted to. But I am also learning new things with my girlfriend that really get me going. I have tried many things to help me through this period of my life. I am on anti depressants because I was not able to cope in work. I didn’t find that exercise stabilised my mood enough to be affective. I have been talking to a counsellor for a couple of months now. I have been writing a journal. I have even started doing a bit of song writing. It’s a b*tch getting words to rhyme though. Makes me wish I paid more attention in English in school. Thing is that I don’t much feel like any of it is helping me anymore. I have tried working on my self esteem more and accepting of the possibility that I might be gay. It is what I fear the most, well some days. Some days I could probably tell people I am gay and not think twice about it. I just feel a bit lost again. Me and my girlfriend have also talked about me experimenting abit physically. Fortunately for me she is ok with that. At least until it actually happens. I enjoy being intimate with my girlfriend and having sex with her. But I often worry that if I got together with a guy it would feel so much better. That would be the end of us and it would devastate her. Although its certainly better than the alternative of getting married to her and then coming out as gay. I just don’t feel like I have found myself yet and it is stressing me out. Can anyone offer any advice? Something that may have helped them work through this? I do have an added question. I was fooling around with my girlfriend the other night.(don’t worry I’ll keep it clean). A few minutes before orgasm my legs started shaking like mad. I don’t mean a little tremble. The closest thing I can think of that was similar was the studio tour in Disney Hollywood studios in florida. The bit when the wagon goes on the earth quake simulator and they set the cannon on fire. Anyway I digress. I know that this can happen when a person is really sexually excited. But could it still happen with my girlfriend if I was gay. Bit of a fishing questioning I know but its been praying on my mind. Sorry for the brain dump. Thanks if you’ve held in there to the end.
Well if you want to get really technical about it, you cannot be gay if you're sexually aroused by your girlfriend. I personally don't care much for labels, you are who you are. What you should do and already appear to be doing is a bit of introspection about who you are attracted. Let me put it like this: Are you romantically and sexually attracted to your girlfriend? To the extent that you would like to spend the rest of your life with her? If so, I'd say go for it. Sure it could happen that you see attractive guys, the same thing happens to married men, they don't stop seeing attractive girls. Also you don't need to 'prove' you're gay/bisexual by having sex with a man, all you need to do is be honest with yourself. Are you attracted to your girlfriend AND to men, then you are technically speaking bisexual. In the end what matters most is being honest with yourself and your girlfriend. Do you want to spent your life with her or do you truly feel more attracted to men, labels are unnecessary. I wish you lots of support and good luck in finding yourself! Thomas
No worries. I know exactly what you are going through :icon_bigg First off, I don't think you are gay, I think that you are something that we call a kinsey 4 or 5 even. Basically what i am saying is that sexually you are more attracted to the same sex than you are sexually attracted to the opposing sex. You can look at guys and be like "oh damn he is sexy", more so than you would with women right!? You get turned on by your girlfriend because you love her or have deep feelings for her, but if it were another woman you probably wouldn't be sexually attracted to her right?! I don't know if that makes sense but this is the way I discovered I am. I consider myself a Kinsey 4. I regularly get turned on when I see attractive women as opposed to 85% of men I see of my age aren't sexually appealing to me at all. Now, when it comes to dating, you will never catch me dating a woman, I will have sex with them because they sexually stimulate me visually and in other ways, but never date or marry one. Even though sexually i may not be attracted to guys, emotionally I NEED a guy. My boyfriend turns me on soo much sexually, but if it weren't for my deep love for him, anything sexual would just be gone. I don't understand it but the only guy I am sexually attracted to is the one I am with. I will occasionally come across an attractive guy but I don't think of him sexually, compared to every hot girl I see I think of sexually. I hope you kind of have a better understanding of yourself now. I feel like I understand you completely because I am the same way. If your girlfriend turns you on that's all that matters, when you figure out she doesn't turn you on sexually anymore and all you want are men, then you have to worry but until then I think you will be just fine :icon_wink Hope this helped... sorry it was so long, I can get a little carried away (*hug*)
Blakqsh33p I was abit taken back by how on the money you are. When I see guys in public I might say stuff to myself like “he’s hot” but it feels weird. Could just be I need time to get use to saying that to myself. My girlfriend is the first girl that I feel I have truly been turned on by. I do love her, especially for not running for the hills the second I told her. If I think about being intimate with a guy in the same way it certainly doesn’t feel wrong. Nor does it really blow my mind either. I take abit of time out every night by myself in my “man cave”.lol. Lets me explore what I feel the need to. I have watched gay porn and yes it gets me going but I sometimes think to myself during “Maybe there’s something good on TV”. But other times I might watch something and a herd of wild horses couldn’t drag me away. As far as women go when I think about it you might be right aswell. Women do catch my eye and I think they are good looking. But it rarely turns into thinking anything sexual. If I see a guy I think is hot my mind will start to wonder. But it’s the emotional connection with my girl friend that I really love. Aswell as the funny leg shaking sex.lol. Im really glad to hear someone understands what it’s like.
Daveyboy... I am in a similar situation. For a long time, I have been sexually attracted to men and would watch gay porn, etc. but that was the extent of my acting on my gay feelings. About a year and a half ago, I met a girl and fell in love with her. I was attracted to her sexually, but it always felt like it took more work for me to be sexually attracted to her, and sometimes I had trouble in the bedroom with her. I loved her so much emotionally that I thought my gay attractions would go away. However, once we started talking about marriage, I realized that I needed to figure this out. So, I asked her for a break. I explained the situation, and she was very supportive and wanted to stay together because she though it was just me being anxious. However, I told her we needed to break up because I couldn't be influenced in my discovery of myself. I'm still not sure what my love for her means, but I know that is might be more of a deep friendship, because sexual things were not always satisfying, and I would get nervous and not always want to do things. I'm currently in therapy and it has been really helpful. All I'm saying is, take time to get to know yourself.. I wouldn't go and have sex with a guy because chances are your anxiety and stress and confusion about the situation will not make it very satisfying until you are comfortable with yourself. As far as your girlfriend, you need to think about what is fair for you and her..maybe being together right now isnt the best idea because if it turns out your gay.. the longer you stay together, it may be more difficult to break up. Just throwing some thoughts out there.. good luck and let me know if you want to talk more.. I GET IT!
Your situation sounds so much like my own I could have written it myself. I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years. Other than still being with her my realisation happened the same way. I all intended to break up with her. But what we decided was to move away to have more space from everyone else. I told her that I needed to be honest and open with myself and that I may discover I am gay. If that's the case we would break up. I made my position clear as much for sake as my own. But she made the decision to stay with me. Personally I am glad she stayed. May have been the easier choice in retrospect. Having her to talk to is a big help. Your 100% right in saying the sex was not always satisfying. Over the last 6 months that has changed for the better. Perhaps because we are actually giving more of ourselves to each other. I'll not be running out to have sex with a guy just for the sake of it. More for a friendship and then see what develops. My girlfriend is also aware of this In case you think having my cake and eating it to. Perhaps I am. I have been lying to myself anyway I could to avoid dealing with my same sex attraction. I am working on trusting myself again. That is the main reason why I feel I need to experiment. A time may come when I feel not attraction to my girliend anymore. At which point I will do the right thing, no matter how difficult it may be. After 4 years together it will be brutal. But i have also let good relationships fall apart in the past because I refused to deal with my own feelings. As difficult it may be to discover myself properly in a relatioshiip. I would regret loosing the most treasured relationship I have ever been in. Like you said I may to just be describing a deep friendship. I completely understand what your saying and why, I think in such a similar way. Seems like we are both quite similar but travelingtwo different paths from the same start.if you wanna talk at any point, compare notes so to speak. May benifit the both of us. Thanks for reply
