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friends and drugs

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by inevertoldyou, Apr 12, 2012.

  1. I get a text from my friend at 5:22 am saying "didn't mean to blow you off yesterday". I woke up, saw it, ignored it until now. I just got a message back from her saying "i was awake because i'm still coming down". my heart is kind of broken right now. When she does drugs, she does meth. My cousin is a meth addict. He's been in jail more times than anyone can count. She's obviously stoned out of her mind, because she's throwing herself at me via text, and I'm just really, really upset right now. I don't know how to deal with this. I've never been confronted with someone who was high on meth at this time. I want to cry.
     
  2. IamwhoIam12

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    Are you saying that she's coming to see you? I'm a little confused.
     
  3. Sorry, I was really upset when I typed that out. She's not coming to see me. She told me to go out to the bar with her tomorrow ( i'm not a fan of going to the bars and especially not that bar ) then she said she'd put out, as in sleep with me. I told her no, obviously. She's my dear friend and even if I was interested in her in that way, I couldn't take advantage of her in this state. This just couldn't come at a worse time. I was just getting to where I could focus on myself and my emotional well being, and now I'm worried about her.
     
  4. IamwhoIam12

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    Well, I don't know about you, but sometimes I find that I can't help people as well when I haven't been taking care of myself. Just take some you time. It sounds like you could use it :slight_smile:

    Also, if you can, just try to avoid questionable or uncomfortable situations with her. If you can't, it may help to have a close friend/family member (that's going to be a good influence, of course) around when you're around each other... you know, more support, less awkward, a smaller chance that anyone will do anything stupid, etc. I would image that would help a face-to-face confrontation with her.
     
  5. Chip

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    One of the most difficult things about being around people struggling with addictions is that you really are powerless to help them. I can totally relate to what you're saying because i've had multiple people in my life over the years who have struggled with addictions, everything from alcohol to meth to heroin to cocaine. And it can be heartbreaking and upsetting.

    But you have to come to the place where you can just say "There's nothing I can do to stop this person from continuing this path." And sometimes the best thing you can do is to actively not do anything, because it is very, very easy to become codependent and inadvertently enable their addiction... by covering for them, loaning them money, giving them a place to stay, lying to their employers, or even by begging and cajoling them to get help.

    The issue is... people with drug dependencies will not stop using drugs until they are ready, and usually that means only when the pain of the addiction is worse than the fear that comes of facing letting go of it. Often times people have to lose everything... money, family, friends, even a roof over their heads... before they are willing to get help.

    So the best thing you can do for yourself (and for her) is to focus on yourself and your own health and well being. One other option is to set clear boundaries (something addicts hate) and say that you don't wish to hear from her when she's high, you don't want to be around her when she's high or after she's just been high, and that, while you care about her, you just can't watch her make continued bad decisions. Often it is the loss of the enabling people around them that finally encourages addicts to seek help.
     
  6. She's getting ready to move, so I'm gonna go see her tomorrow, then let some slack out in the line. I need to...no I must focus on my well-being and health.