1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Out of the closet at work?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Thoughtsrus, Apr 12, 2012.

  1. Thoughtsrus

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2011
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario, Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I need to rant about my need to be out of the closet and how at work, it seems such a risk to come out.

    I feel like taken between 2 possibilities: being closeted and sick about it or being open about it and being rejected.

    In fact, I've lost my interest in 'having a career' or anything like that would make me kinda laugh bitterly and cynically because I feel gays really don't stand a chance in certain jobs like financial services not to name it.

    I'm tired of having to come out all the time. I wish I could just look for a job that makes me happy rather than pursuing a stupid career that makes me feel miserable.

    Anyways, job done because I quitted my job and I'm now a lonely and broke business owner who is fighting against its business partners.

    I feel f***d up now because what I studied - maths and statistics - and everything is really not what I want to do... I would like to be a hairdresser or something totally gay and that doesn't require me to put with corporate bullshit or real estate crap (I'm in real estate crap right now).

    I know I`m all over: it just needs to blow off some steam.
     
  2. Okay. If you want to do something else then by all means, go for it. If you want to be a hairdresser, go to school for it. There's no time like the present, they say.
     
  3. EM68

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2008
    Messages:
    3,265
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Stoughton, Massachusetts USA
    I'm sorry you feel that way. I know its hard to be in the closet at work. It can be lonely. There are risks in coming out. But it is all in how you approach it. I worked at a car dealership. Not the most gay friendly environment, or so I thought. I was in the closet and miserable. I was open to only a couple of people. Another gay coworker and a woman who was my BFF at the dealership. One day at work one of my coworkers who I was friends with on FB showed a picture of me and my bf (now my husband) to everyone. Then people started to ask me. Instead of hiding, I owned it and said yes I'm gay. It was hard and I felt violated but also I felt free. My coworkers were so supportive and turned the tables on the woman that outed me. If anything I gained the support of my coworkers and became closer to many of them.

    My new job is an insurance broker. During my interview the head of the office saw my ring and asked if my wife supported this opportunity and I corrected him and said my husband. He said ok and 10 minutes later I was offered the job. I am totally out to my managers and coworkers. It is great to be totally open. You shouldn''t have to give up career choices just because your gay. It just depends on how you handle the situation.
     
  4. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've got a degree in mathematics and statistics. I haven't used it once since I graduated. And I'm out at both my jobs. It IS possible. There are plenty of jobs and careers and offices where people just don't give a rat's ass about your sexuality. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  5. insidehappy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2012
    Messages:
    346
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Closetville, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    you have two separate issues:

    1. Career
    2. Self Acceptance of HOmosexuality.

    lets tackle career:

    1. you are not happy with the career. you studied something, you excelled in the field, but you hate it. you quit your job and you're miserable and broke and hate the fields you're in.

    solution: take up the study of hairdressing or whatever else you want to do. you excelled in something you hated, so why not excel in something you love. stop ranting and enroll in a program that will give you the skills needed for your passion. pursue your bliss.

    2. Self Acceptance: You do not have to be in a "gay profession" to be gay. not even sure what that means because there are many "straight" guys that hairdess and style. the point is, you have to learn to accept yourself so much that you can be yoruself and not feel like you're in hiding in teh corporate world or working at a bar in boystown. let me use an analogy. imagine you were mixed race (black and white). imagine that when you were around all whites they made jokes about blacks or and you always felt you weren't white enough. imagine that when you hung around blacks, they made jokes about you and you always felt you had to prove your "blackness" around them. that woudl be very hard after a while...right? after a while you would just have to start to love yourself and comes to terms with the totality of who you were and feel free to BE YOURSELF around whatever group you were around and if they did not like you, screw them. same with your situation. you do not need to butch it up to be more straight around the straights or gay it up to be more gay around the gays. just be you, do you, do what you want and live your life.
     
  6. Thoughtsrus

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2011
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario, Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Right now, I'm feeling that I did real progress in terms of self-acceptance. I'm actually thinking that I can accept being gay and I've been thinking like that for only 2-3 months! Before I was like OMG, how on earth am I going to accept myself? That's a big step for me...

    Now for the work. I think I have some serious anger issues around the corporate world - I lost my lawsuit to my first employer - and then I did better - like the bosses were happy kinda thing - but I was in the closet and miserable.

    Probably, I should let go and move on rather than hanging on to that, change the attitude and all that.

    And maybe it's different in Canada, what I'm talking about was in France, Holland and the UK... well, except the real estate part.

    Where I live, the best paying job is at the gold mines, and I don't wannabe a fuckin' miner because I feel I'd have to be in the closet again. Whatever, I don't need to be the richest and most miserable gay guy in town. Hairdressing is good!
     
  7. dano22

    dano22 Guest

    I am currently living in my small hometown and I choose not to come out or have a reason to come out because I just don't really trust people in my hometown. I am sure there would be people who would accept it there but it would just be awkward for me and I just don't want to deal with that right now. Not to sound closeted or anything a few people know I am gay in my hometown actually there is this gay nurse who works there at my nursing home who messaged me awkwardly in gay dating site and said he keeps checking out at work. Kind of funny but kind of creepy at the same time. Luckily he did not make it anymore awkward.
     
  8. Thoughtsrus

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2011
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario, Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    At the same time, Dano22, doesn't that feel good to come out once the awkward moment is gone?

    I know I said that to my Real Estate Agents, that was awkward but I felt better after doing it because it's liberating: one of the RE Agent has a gay uncle so they were cool with it + they won't try to find me a gf or that shit.

    Now, I'm sayin' that but I struggle 2 at the moment. I'm at the local Toastmaster - the communication training - and I would like to share it at the Ice breaker but I'm feelin' that they're not too much into sharing... I figured I would just say that I'm interested in 'The Real Housewives', 'Interior Design' and 'Fashion' so pretty much I like gay thing you see my darling.

    I wouldn't feel comfortable underground in a mine with miners that know I'm gay... An accident can happen, especially in a remote mine where nobody is around, if u see what I mean.
     
  9. dano22

    dano22 Guest

    Yeah another factor is my job is just a temporary thing and I'm leaving this summer so coming out is pretty much pointless. i just don't have a big reason to come out at work.