By my own admission I have been acting like a cow to my family recently. I have been moody, getting stressy at them all the time and generally distant. I work long hours and the time I have off I spend out of the house with friends. I feel so horrible but they don't understand the reason I'm acting like a bitch is because I'm unhappy. I don't feel comfortable in the house or around my family anymore. I used to have a good relationship with my family. We spent time together and did fun things. Now I feel so uncomfortable and awkward. To cut a long story short my family don't know i'm bisexual/gay. I don't expect a warm reaction due to openly expressed homophobic comments, my father's religious beliefs and the way my mum constantly seeks affirmation that I like men (I think she suspects). As I've got older and become a bit more certain of my sexuality, I've got more and more worried about their reaction. I feel like I can't be myself anymore with them. I spend so much time with my friends because they embrace me for who I am, I don't have to self censor, I can relax. When I come home that feeling of pressure returns, the fact I'm hiding this part of myself from them. I realise now I've almost unconciously started avoiding their company. When my sister and my mum are together they turn into gossiping schoolgirls. I feel constantly scrunitnised. They ask if I seen any men I like, they'll point out guys in the street and say how about him? My sister laments over my lack of boyfriend status. My outifts are looked up and down before the usual sigh "why can't you dress more girly" or when I do go out in something more feminine it's "you look much nicer when you actually dress like a girl" It's no excuse to treat them the way I am and I know it. But I've been trying to be nicer and less moody with them but it's not happening. I love my family I really do, I appreciate them so much. I feel awful for being a bitch but there's so much they don't understand. And I don't know if they'll ever understand it. I wish I could talk to my mum but I don't know how. I don't know what to do. My mum got really angry at me today because I was rude, she was stood in my bedroom doorway asking why I'm acting so uncomfortable. So she's noticed at least. I wanted to tell her but I don't know how
Hey there. It's perfectly natural to act like a cow when something as big as this is on your mind (hell I know I've acted the same way many times over the same subject). It's down to how something sensitive such as your sexuality will appear to your family and you are genuinely concerned about telling them something so personal about yourself. What I would do is try and get on your own with your mother sometime and tell her. It'll be hard, but it might make you feel less unhappy about the situation and even if the worst comes to the worst, at least you've been honest. Even so, you'll still have your friends to turn to. All the best of luck.
I completely get what your going through. Being distant and unhappy and feeling unable to express your feelings to your family. I felt that way for a long time and sometimes I still do but just takes times and it will get better as time goes on. In your situation I would probably wait until I moved out of the house but the thing is you never know what their reaction is gonna be. A person's reaction can surprise you even if they seem very homophobic or not understanding of gay people. I was not out at college last year because of homophobic roommates and some other people who i thought would not accept me and it turns out some of them did not care that I was gay. It really surprised me. I don't much about taking those steps to come out because I was kind of forced out of the closet a long story short. it was very awkward but I did not want to lie about the situation. Just take it one step at a time and if your gut tells you to do it than you should do it.
