Hey everyone. This will be lengthy, but I anticipate your responses. So just this Spring Break, I came out to my crush of three years. I initially didn't consider him that special, but after our day out together, I realized he was my first genuine crush (as in I am/was interested in both his personality and physical appeal). From the beginning... Freshmen year: He's a very liberal/tolerant guy. He would express and argue his support for gay marriage. In our classes, he would tell people he'd date me if he were gay. He would also tell me I'm cute/adorable and would attempt to hug me (which I declined (though secretly wanted)). Throughout the year, he showed a genuine interest in me..he tried chatting me up on Facebook, asked me about my life, bothered me. Sophomore year: This year is a bit fuzzy, but I remember distinctly he asked me to a concert with him. He continued to bother me throughout the year, but nothing big happened. Junior year (now): I've been lonelier than usual (being a teenager with raging hormones and no relationship experience), so I began texting him this Spring Break. The chats consisted of small talk about our days. I eventually asked him if he wanted to hang out with me. He accepted and told me, "whenever you want." We scheduled a hangout and I asked him questions about what we should do, and he asked me, "what do you like to do?" I was completely obsessed with pleasing him so I just asked to go to the beach (his favorite place). He offered (even insisted) to come pick me up at my house (even though my house is in the opposite direction of and far from his house and the beach). I told him to pick me up at the library (which is closer) and he told me, "whatever you want." Our day was really fun and he drove me around to wherever I wanted (except I didn't have much opinion and just allowed him to choose). The day was mostly him (successfully) trying to entertain me. So with my built up emotions, I was impulsive enough to come out to him. He let me down nicely (still :icon_sad. He told me he was honored that I liked him, but he was battling for the other team and that he understands. So now, I'm completely confused about what happened. I really did believe he was coming onto me. I find it odd someone would spend their whole day trying to entertain a random classmate. Maybe he was just bored? or he's just friendly? He was also considerate and willing to please me throughout the day. I'm still reluctant to accept he's straight. Maybe he's still hiding? or bicurious but not sure? or maybe I just like him so much that I misinterpreted all the "signs".. So what do you guys think?
wow. yeah that is confusing. i had similar signs somebody likes me, and have said nothing. i am hoping to not get the response you do. you didn't say he is jehovah witness so guessing he isn't trying to convert you. so it seems like genuine want of a buddy. he knows you are not straight so he knows by being around you a lot and chatting a lot it could happen that you would like him. so he asked for it. let me know how it works out, and if he stays just a friend, hey, looks like you got a good one! can i borrow?
Welcome to Empty Closets! :smilewave First off, congrats on being able to come out! :eusa_clap Well it's hard to tell, he does seem a bit confusing. It could be that he is just very friendly, and he really is interested in being good friends with you (which is better than nothing, right? :icon_bigg). There also is the chance that he likes you, but hasn't accepted himself as bisexual, and was too scared to tell you. But since he let you down nicely, don't push it anywhere right now, and just try staying friends with him. Who knows, it could lead to something more in the future. But misinterpreting signs is possible since you like him, I've done that many time myself. Good luck with whatever happens! :icon_bigg
It proves the good, positive emotions are strongest. It sounds to me as if he's possibly gay and in no way ready to come out- but he loves you. The alternatives: he loves you anyway and is only saying he is straight because he's afraid, or he loves you and is straight. It is the love that matters! His actions: I'm not really sure, I don't know how teens handle themselves nowadays because every boy looks gay to me, compared to the way we had to act when I was a teen. Just LOVE him and be glad you have such a loving friend who wants nothing from you and gets joy out of being your friend. Be prepared and be strong, because you may love him even more deeply and he may turn out to be straight, and that will hurt like no other wound you'll ever experience.
This. @OP: I'm in exactly the same position as you..although i get more and more signs and i'm like "is he really into me?is he straight?/gay/bi/bicurious? just overly friendly??" it's really killing me lol.But i just that i can't do anything about it. Age gap issues, you see. It's really, REALLY frustrating and i'm getting depressed over it sometimes but i can still manage. No matter how many times i try to shut him down, or ignore him completely he still calls me back, texts me when i ignore him (without any particular reason) and it makes me wondering really. I know he had a few relationships with girls and that he still loves his ex and he's into girls in general but i dunno...i'm kinda confused. I'm going to leave things as they are since i really value him as a friend and i'd never want to lose him, ever. He might be into me, like a few of my friends say but due to age difference (17, but still legal in greece) i'm not going to do anything despite how i feel since it's inappropriate and unfair. So OP, if he likes you, i think he'll come out to you eventually once his ready. If he's straight, well then, you should just enjoy the friendship you have with him because it's really hard to find a person that genuinely cares for you nowadays.
Aww, I'm sorry he wasn't gay and into you too, but congrats on coming out! Like Eww said maybe you can still enjoy his friendship, although I know that could be hard. I've had several friends that, of course, turned out to be straight and it's really discouraging when that happens over and over. Good luck finding a nice gay guy
Hey everyone! Thanks for the replies and suggestions. I just wanted to keep you all updated.. I decided to remain friends with him, although I avoided him at first (because it was awkward and painful). I realized ignoring him would be extremely selfish of me; we're on good terms and hopefully we'll be good buddies in the future. Is it odd that I'm okay with my strong feelings for him, despite the fact that I know he'll never return them? I guess I just enjoy his presence and it's kind of awesome having someone who will do whatever you want (I have a minion ). I'll just let my romantic feelings die out on their own, but I'm fine with liking a straight man for now(I don't expect anything out of it other than his wonderful presence).
Lol, it's just like i'm listening to myself right now. I also tried avoiding him for a number of days but more than a few times so far..always felt bad about it because it was selfish of me and unfair for him since he didn't know the reason i was doing this and despite the fact i treated him like dirt, he always came back trying to make contact with me. Yes, it's really awkward and REALLY painful but instead of telling him how i feel and getting crushed (despite the mixed signals and the possibility of being bi or w/e the label u want) i'll just keep the friendly relationship we got at the moment because i really like it. I guess i'd rather be ignorant than really depressed. I'm pretty sure the crush will fade away but it will take a long, long time.
