Ok so this may sound strange but I need to start at the beginning because i feel like an ass for feeling this way even though i don't like the person im wanting to attack right now. I have a good friend who lives in another state...a couple months ago i went to a college theatre festival and during one of the days i was there i diverged from the festival and went to talk to him. It was my original intent to come out to him. I felt obligated to tell him in person because he has been the one friend I have had since grade school and is very much like a brother to me. But when i went off to meet him a girl from my college, we'll call her K, followed me. at first i was fine with it cause i said i was meeting an old friend at a food court and then taking off. and she had said she was hungry so i figured she would eat there. I never said anything that me or any of my friends could find to be an invitation to come with me and a friend from my childhood....NEVER!! This girl is very open about her belief that "homosexuality doesn't exist" and i already didn't like to be near her before this. She ended up following me and my friend for the entire day...and even when i tried to get her to go back to the school i could not. granted i was trying to be polite and such because while i hate her she is like a coworker and i would rather not have to work with so much tension between two people so i try to be friendly. but even what i consider being friendly at some point became almost down right rude to say in front of her to other people. we ended up in the mall at one point and ran into other people from my school while i was there. I ended up just flat out saying to everyone we met "please just take her" I guess she didnt catch it cause until the very last moment i couldnt even break away from her for a few moments. normally i would just tell my self to tell him the next time, but the worst part is i don't know when the next time is. He is moving to Illinois tonight and I haven't been able to talk to him since that night. granted he knows now i still feel like i was cheated out of my one chance to tell him that i am gay in person because of her. and i also feel like even if that wasn't my intent i feel like she intruded on something she shouldn't have because I know it will be awhile before i can see him again. I've tried not to let it get to me but lately its bothered me more and more and i feel like i should push her off a cliff or something to satisfy the intensity of these emotions that im trying not to let myself have....is it wrong to feel cheated and wronged for this? :bang:
If you think about it, could it be possible this girl was trying to 'save' you from 'exposing' yourself? You know what I mean. Otherwise, I counsel you to be much more firm with her. You need to tell people when they are crossing the line. My generation, we like that when someone says, "You've gone too far, pal."
I would love to do that but the last few times I've ended up telling people they have gone too far after something it has ended up biting me in the ass
That expression, 'biting me in the ass', means what? That you ended up sorry for telling them off, or they made you pay? At some point, my good friend, enough is enough. You have to dictate when that is.
It's not that they got back at me or anything but its more like it has no affect no matter how harsh, blunt, coolheaded, or other method of approach i can find to make them stop doing things that i rarely let anyone do to me. this was one of the places where i felt like i was saying their is a line here that you shouldnt cross and your doing it anyways but i guess i could be a bit more direct about it. also i forgot to mention this before but she didn't know that i was going to tell him i am gay...its not something i generally discuss with her and when i say something she seems to just ignore it.
It's no fun to finally work up the courage to do something so difficult, only to have your plans changed for you by someone else. However, there isn't much you can do about it now. Learn from it, but don't dwell on it. Instead look toward the future and work on accomplishing the goal you set out to achieve. Do you have a way to contact your friend? Maybe you could get in touch with him and let him know that you wanted to tell him something important, but K made it impossible. If he hasn't left yet, maybe it would still be possible to meet up somewhere. Or if not, then it would still open the door for you to come out to him via other means, even though it might not be as appealing. He would probably understand. At any rate, I wish you the best of luck and hope that everything works out for you in the end.
fatal, you said, "this was one of the places where i felt like i was saying their is a line here that you shouldnt cross and your doing it anyways but i guess i could be a bit more direct about it." I'm sorry, I think I missed something but if I offended you or made a bad move here, I truly apologise. I have no right to be so dictatorial. Or were you referring to yourself? I think the trouble may be you are too sweet(*hug*), did you ever let that thought cross your brain?:tantrum:
no, no i was reffering to the time with K. nothing you said offended me in any way and i actually thought it was right. I just have times in my life where i feel like im saying stop verbatum and people dont understand that im about to punch them if they dont stop.
