goodbye empty closets

Yeah, it does suck being gay. It also sucks not being able to walk, it sucks losing a family member, lots of things suck, but you have to fight through them and find your own bliss. Being gay or bisexual or lesbian or transgender or any of that is not the be-all end all. You don't have to be masculine to hold a good job, you don't have to be masculine to dress nicely, and you don't have to be straight to have something going for you. You think straight people don't have problems? You're creating this problem for yourself.
You probably won't read this, but I will say that running is wrong. It's like running from having blue eyes, you'll get caught up in the end. Fighting a losing battle isn't worth fighting, you're not supposed to fight it, you're supposed to give in and accept it, and once you do...this attitude, this degrading self-hating attitude you hold will disappear.

 

It sounds like you just need to find better people to associate with. Stop doing drugs and hanging out with prostitutes and maybe your life will stop sucking so much.

I don't see how you hanging out with the wrong sort of people and doing questionable things is in anyway the fault of this community or about you being gay. It's about you making poor decisions. Your life sucks because you made it that way. Stop using your homosexuality as a scapegoat.

 

What are you going to do then, insidehappy? There is one thing you need to work on for sure is self-acceptance.

Do I think it sucks being gay? Actually, yes, if you can't come to terms with it, accept who you are because you're going to try to be something you're not.

Does it suck being a corporate slave, working 80 hours a week and being straight and not being able to quit because you have kids and a wife, and the mortgage? Think about the advantages of being gay and the reality of being straight!!! I was in this world so I know, I'm educated and all that (and French is my first language). When you're gay and single, you're less stuck with these funky expectations.

It's not easy for me at the moment because I started a business and all that, you read my post, but I really don't think life is that great for str8 people with all the expectations they have to deal with.

With hindsight, the worse thing I did in my life was not to accept myself fully for who I was early on because I ended up with a life that's not mine.

Do I think that straight people are all better than gay people? No!

Now, if you think having a good J.O.B. (making someone's else rich with your work), dressing well to conform so society is happy and having a mortgage and having a line of credit on the house and credit card debt to look the part is great, go for it but it's all an illusion!

 

lol

anyways your probably reading this insidehappy and id like to say i sincerely hope for the best for you, goodluck, your probably gonna come back anyways so id like to say not to be a stranger and you need to stop the self hating, its not healthy.

 

If the only gay people you've found in your part of the world are unemployed, uneducated, drugged-up sex-fanatics, about the only thing I can suggest is that you move. Because Denver isn't exactly a gay mecca, and that certainly isn't the case here. And from most accounts, it's not the case pretty much anywhere in the United States. Yeah, I've got gay friends that are un- and underemployed, but in this economy, I've got plenty of straight friends who are, as well. I can't say as I know any truly "uneducated" gay guys, although I'll say the two guys I know whom I pray don't text me much (because I can't read their atrocious spelling) are both straight. And I know a few gay guys who enjoy partying and/or hooking up, but again, that just puts them in the same category as some straight people I know.

That said, I don't think I can change your mind with counter-examples. You're not the first to get stuck on the idea that gay = drunk/stoned, jobless, stupid slut, and so you don't want any part of it. But if you've spent four months here on EC and still think that's the equation, then I really don't know if I can help.

Lex

 

I think by leaving this place you're only doing yourself a disservice. It is clear from what you've written that you have a lot to work on. You need to get out of the area your in and the groups you are associating with. I am a successful gay male who is masculine and doesn't sleep around or do lots of drugs. I am proof that you are wrong about gay people. Being gay is amazing. Think of all the shit you don't have to put up with! Pregnancy being a huge one, and also, you don't have to have sex with women! It's great! You're missing the whole point of coming out! It's not to get a hot piece of ass that is everything you've ever dreamed of, it's about accepting yourself and having the integrity to make other people at least tolerate who you are. I'm a little offended that you might think that I am a whore, queen, drug addict, or any of the other terrible things you just called your own people.

Honestly, you sound like you could use my degree project, which collects the experiences of other people and lets you see people for who they are by what they've done and not by the stereotypes you put on their associated groups. You might find that after reading a few stories that there are plenty of gay people out there who fit your standards. Just remember, we are all individuals. There is nothing wrong with people not being your ideal, and there are people out there who will meet your ideals.

You may leave if you wish, no one is keeping you here, but since you posted, you clearly want to hear what people have to say. There's a lot you can learn by staying here.

 

Hot Pink said what I was thinking. Does anyone know where insidehappy lives? If all the gay people in his area really are this bad, it's probably because there is nothing but hatred toward GLBT people so they all feel like shit and don't think they deserve respect and dignity. Or it's not really like that and he's made bad decisions and doesn't want to take responsibility for his own life. It's hard to get out of a cycle of despair especially if that's all he's known and has a long family history of that.

I wish you the best, insidehappy, take care and come back if you want.

 

If the gay people you are seeing all hold these negative qualities, then it's not your fault or your sexuality's fault that they are this way, it's their fault. You clearly don't feel comfortable hanging out with them and I'm sure most people, myself included would feel the same. Distance yourself from them, go and find some other people to get along with, straight or otherwise and be yourself.

You can still be gay and not have to hang out with people of the same sexual orientation and be proud of yourself.

 

I'm sure you've heard it in another thread (if not one of your own), but OF COURSE you're only seeing the stereotypical gays. It's what you're hardwired to look for. Are you going to find the gays that look and act like an everyday straight guy? NO! Because they look and act like straight guys, so you don't even bother to ask. And I'll bet you any money that you don't even try with them.

That becomes an issue of you being fearful and uncomfortable with yourself, not a lack of "acceptable gay people" by what you're looking for.

Other than that, I suppose I wish you the best of luck in whatever you do. But to be honest, I don't think you're really gone for good... if you didn't care about being here, you wouldn't have bothered to say goodbye. :smilewave

 

I agree with you, it does suck. I am a pretty average guy and I like normal guy things. And if I dated a guy I would want them to be like that too. I'm not really into guys who act feminine. Although one of my good friends is like that, it's just not the type of person I would want to date. The problem is like you said that all the people I meet like this are straight (or at least so I think?). I also do meet a lot of people who are going nowhere in their lives, or just want sex, but honestly I am bi and I can tell you it's girls too. It's not just guys. I think finding decent people is just hard in general, and I guess I just attract a lot of the ones I don't like.

But i've realized that i'm 22, and unhappy, and that if I just give up, then i'll just be unhappy the rest of my life, and that's not a good place to be. I've also realized that some of it is me, and that there's some things I need to change.

I guess what's the point in giving up? What do you have to loose if you're already unhappy?

 

I think it's sad that you feel that way, but giving up a support network can't help anything. The people here only want to help.

 

Insidehappy, I'm pretty sure a lot of people here have told you a lot of times that what you need to do is stop making the club scene your only connection to the gay community. It's not a healthy one.

There are lots of other ways to connect to the community, ways that will be much better in terms of fostering meaningful connections with people. You refuse to seek out those ways, whether it's, as you say, a bowling league, or by volunteering with an outreach organization, or whatever. I'm in a choir, as I believe I mentioned to you before.

On some level, you don't want to find what you say you are looking for. You are falling prey to your internalized homophobia, and feeding it by only exposing yourself to aspects of the gay community that will reinforce your negative stereotypes and prejudices. This will only make you more and more miserable.

Just to be clear, the clubbing and party scene is as unhealthy in the straight community as it is in the gay community: in both cases, it is all about sex, drugs and alcohol. If you don't want those things, you should leave that scene, and seek the type of people you are looking for in a place where you are likely to find them.

And I think I've mentioned this before, or something like it, but there is really no need to devalue people by calling them whores just because they have more sex than you might prefer they did. There are more polite ways of saying that.

And if you are talking about people who are actually prostitutes, you can at least say prostitutes instead of whores.

Most sex workers come to that life through some kind of disaster. For example, a young man who is thrown out of his home at 14 because his homophobic parents have discovered his sexuality may end up hustling, and subsequently on drugs, because he has no other means of survival. There is really no call to dehumanize and degrade them even further.

I hope you find what you need, even if it isn't here with us. Good luck.