This has been killing me for months. I know a guy in a few of my classes, but I can't figure out if he is gay, much less into me. We have known each other for a couple years, but I've only had feelings for him for a few months. While in class, I'm usually staring at him, and occasionally I'll catch him doing the same and he'll look away quickly. There was one time in class where we retained eye contact for several seconds. He had his head on a desk, and I couldn't really tell if he was looking at me, but I was pretty sure. We have had a few brief text conversations, but I'm always the one starting them and keeping them alive. We've never been GREAT friends, but we know each other. He says hello to me here and there, but sometimes that's all the conversation we will have in a day. The other thing is that sometimes he will say things that make him sound like a completely straight dude and it will detour me for the rest of the day. I really like him and I want to know if he likes me in the same way. Can you please help me, advise me? Thanks! PS: I'm not an out bisexual. Adds to my worries of everything going wrong should I ask him directly. :icon_sad:
Oh, and I think we're both afraid to hang out with each other because we know that if we do, it'll just be all awkward and nervous. This is SOOOO frustrating!!
What kind of things does he say? A lot of what reading people comes down to is that when we're emotionally involved, our judgement can sway A LOT from what is actually happening, particularly when we have to interpret signs by ourselves and have no way of verifying anything. This can go either way: "oh, he's looking at me, he MUST like me!" and "aw, but that means he's straight, there's no chance now...". Neither is bad, they're just probably both a little far from the truth Beyond anything else, your age makes a bit of a difference here (minimally though). As in if you were in college, I could suggest you might be more comfortable coming out, but if you're a freshman in high school, the same advice might not apply. Otherwise, I think that the best step is probably to focus less on getting a relationship with him, and more on coming out. If he's interested in you, he'll find a way to let you know. It's quite possible that he's just as closeted as you, in which case, neither of you are going to get anything accomplished staying where you are. If you come out, it gives him the opening to come out to you (if that's the case). And beyond that, you could just hang out with him. Get to know him as a friend first; build the relationship afterwards.
Hello there, welcome to Empty Closets. It seems you and he only know each other in a just passing (no pun intended ) sort of sense, but you seem to get on quite well that way. One suggestion I could make is go and ask him if he wants to hang out sometime away from your classes and see if you can get more of a friendship building up. If you hit it off through friendship, then I would see about going for the sexuality card, whether it's by asking him or admitting you're bi-sexual. Good luck.
Can you maybe hang out with him without pressure of having to do anything in this direction? Just go have a coffee, pizza, share a walk, sit in school park, whatever, in a simple friendly way. Tell to yourself that you are not going to try anything in terms of outing; that way you will be relieved of most tension. And then maybe you even get some answers (if he for example says "look at the tits on that one"). At the very least, you'll get to enjoy some alone time with him. Although, from the little you wrote, it seems he might not be gay.
Oh, I forgot to add, he has a lot of, while not out, obvious gay friends One's crazy gay. It's funny too, 'cause I'm the only one who sees it. He's nice and everything, but man, he is super gay. I mean, really.... I hide it better than he does and I'm near rainbow flag dress if it weren't for the solid Kinsey 4.
Is this the same guy with the pretzels in the other thread? Anyway--If you aren't comfortable coming out to him, maybe you could just start by talking about gay issues in a more general way, and make it clear that you are supportive of gay rights and everything like that. Then, you can not only get a sense of where he stands on these things, you make yourself an obvious safe person to come out to, in case that's something he's looking for. Hopefully, you would eventually get comfortable enough to come out to him. As a bonus, of course, you'll be advocating for gay rights at the same time. Yay! (Regarding the guy who is "obviously gay," I just want to point out that there really ARE people out there who "seem" really gay, but actually aren't, just like there are people who DON'T seem gay but are. I've known a couple of pretty gay-seeming guys who were totally straight, including one who thinks the way people always think he's gay is completely hilarious, and he often makes use of it to make homophobic people extremely uncomfortable, and/or to make fun of them. By playing along while they think he's gay, and asking them to cuddle with him on the sofa, and things like that. Really NOT the behavior of a closeted person, honestly. Gender variant people, such as masculine women or feminine men, might be a little more likely to be gay, but you really can't assume.)
