There is this guy that goes to my school who is really really homophobic. We are in the same UIL together and have been for practically 5 years yet we still don't really talk to each other. We will only really talk for practical purposes (where something is, question, time, etc.). Lately, I have just been being friendly and stuff and I'm starting to think that he is gay. He is ALWAYS making gay jokes to other guys (like a ridiculous amount) and is always doing questionable things, like laying on other guys and kinda thrusting them. Like I know that guys do play around like this for some reason, but it just seems he is different. I guess my question is, should I confront him on it like ask him or something. If so, what should I do because he is really masculine. Like he plays baseball and stuff. He also is super Catholic.. I guess I'm just asking for general advice on what I should do or if you guys think he might be gay as well.
If he is gay and acts that why (i.e. making homophobic jokes) it means he is really insecure about it and confronting him might be a really bad idea. That's my thought at least.
Really deeply closeted people can get kinda scary when confronted about it... The kinds of activities that he's into don't mean anything, except that it's much harder for a jock to be honest than an artsy kid. How many openly gay athletes do you know? The Catholic thing is complicated- there was a boy in my sister and my grade who we're pretty sure is gay, and know that if he EVER comes out, he'll lose most of his family.
I feel like I should help him though since he is so closeted. I just don't know how I should do that, or if I should do it at all.
Well, the best that could happen is that he could admit that he's gay. The worst that could happen is he could beat you up.
I think the best thing that you can do is just be a friend, get his trust, and that way if he ever needs help you can increase the odds that he will want to talk to you about it. I personally don't tell anyone anything until I get their trust and they earn mine, and if he's really deep in the closet then that's probably how hes going to treat this issue in particular.
Does he know you are gay? Your out status says "almost everyone", does that include school? Also, I didn't get that, do you find him attractive or are you just altruistically interested in helping him in case he is gay?
Yeah, I'm out to everyone at the school. And I guess kinda both, I do find him attractive and I do want to help him.
I think you're best bet is to lead a positive example and show him that its possible to be out and happy in high school.
Ok, so he already knows that you are someone he could talk to if needed. The question if he actually will depends on how trustworthy he finds you and how deeply closeted he is. You can't really influence the latter. If he is closeted, confronting him in any way would take him way out of his comfort zone. You maybe could force a conversation on him indirectly, for example by asking him why he jokes so much about gays. If you get him to say there's nothing wrong with being gay, even if it is only for your benefit, that will already mean something. Although, for that you should probably be accidentally alone. Oh yeah, and congrats on both being out and secure about it so young and wanting to help others. That's really great
