So I was having dinner with my family tonight, and for the first time in my entire life probably, the topic of LGBT was brought up at the table (not sure how). My parents are VERY conservative (which seems contradictory because they're atheists) and are NOT AT ALL openminded about things like this. Then, they basically said that they felt bad for parents who had gay children, because that is "such a disappointment". Then my mom went on to say that she'd so much rather have a "normal" (by which she meant straight) child who was average instead of a gay child, no matter how successful they were in life. First of all, that sounds RIDICULOUS. Second, I don't understand why they think this way- like I said before, they're NOT RELIGIOUS. Basically, they think all LGBT people are "weird and different", and they get disgusted by 'those people'. Then, I said something along the lines of "in this century people don't care about stuff like that"- which shocked them. They found it weird that I could be so okay with "people like that". At which point I finished up and left the table. Honestly after this conversation I have no idea how I would ever come out to them...It's not like they think it's wrong in the religious sense or that they would try to convince me that I'm straight or anything...like they know gay people exist and that they can't change their ways. But, they would be really disappointed and embarrassed of me, which is something I really don't want.
Ennnhh that's harsh... That's really confusing! Atheists, with anti-gay, conservative sentiments? Those sound like the beliefs I've heard from children in primary school! I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. It really does complicate matters for coming out to them... I hope there's some kind of breakthrough for you, at the very least!
Thanks, hopefully there will be at some point!! I know, it's hypocritical and I don't even understand how that works- they say themselves that they're conservative, and they don't see anything wrong with being that way (conservative atheists or whatever). I just can't understand the way they think...
You don't have to be religious to suffer from ignorance and closed-mindedness. There are open-minded religious people and there are closed-minded atheists. They probably have had very little exposure to actual gay people and likely have some major misconceptions. Good for you for what you said in response. Maybe use the conversation you had as an excuse to further the dialogue with them?
One of my dad's closest friends is a conservative Atheist. They usually have debates on religion since my dad likes to think he's right and his friend likes to think he's right but on one thing they both manage to agree on... that gays are unnatural and disgusting. Hatred of gays doesn't come from religion alone. One of the main reasons my dad's friend doesn't like gays is because of gender roles and the fear of being made into less of a man by being gay. Also another part comes from the fact he just doesn't like people who are different and a lot of people are like that. I agree with social guitar guy. Maybe you can start some debate with them and see if you could change their minds with some of the facts. If not, just ignore them for now. They may change their minds when you come out to them since they seem to not have had much exposure to glbt people. I can totally relate though(*hug*) So stay strong. I know it's hard. I've heard a lot of comments like this from my family but one day you'll find the strength to come out to them and get through this.
Sorry to hear that. I can't imagine how that made you feel when your parents revealed their feelings. Stay strong and don't let what they said tear you down any. Like others have said, there are all kinds of people with all kinds of beliefs. Even within our own LGBT community there are those that passionately hate gays/hate being gay. Certainly sounds a great opportunity to enlighten your parents, but make sure you have a great outside support system in place first. Don't want to be caught flatfooted and unable to back up your beliefs, feelings and who you are. Those with the lowest opinions tend to yell the loudest.
Do they have any reason to suspect you might be gay? Sometimes when parents have a suspicion, they will "act out" in the way you're describing. It serves as a defense, and usually isn't a conscious behavior; they fear it, so they vocalize how awful it is in the (mistaken) hope that by vocalizing it, it won't happen. I know it sounds ridiculous, but that's sometimes how it works... and in those cases, at least, once they do know, they are usually a lot more accepting than their initial words would lead one to believe. Of course I can't say this for certain, but I have observed that to be the case in a number of similar situations.
Hey my friend, Im sure its hard hearing that from your parents. Yet I have to agree with Chip from above. Sometimes when parents think their children are gay . They make comments hoping it will scare ya straight are something like that..Then when tell them over time they come to accept it.. Well for me any way ,Over time Im learned to make my own path in life.. And come to understand familys come in more ways than blood ..I have made my own family ----thought my friends ---they are my by choice not by blood....well good luck my friend..
I know that it's hard. When I came out to my mom, she tried convincing me that people will try to beat me up and try to molest me because of my sexuality. If you want to talk about this further, just send me a message.
Thanks so much to everyone for all the advice!! My parents are both pretty stubborn people, and I'm not sure if I could casually bring this up again (I don't even know how we got onto the topic, I would've thought they'd be too uncomfortable to even discuss it). I don't THINK they suspect anything (at least, all of the people I've told have been completely surprised and told me that they hadn't seen it coming)...And yeah, they don't really know anyone personally who's gay, so that's probably one part of their narrowmindedness. But we do live in a big city with a pretty large LGBT community, so I don't understand why they aren't more open.
I just read an article today about a recent research study. A psychologist from Eastern Kentucky University found that people who oppose gay marriage and view it as a threat to heterosexual marriage tend to be high in a trait that he called "right-wing authoritarianism." The article said that people with high scores on that trait tend to dislike people in groups outside their own and also put a lot of value in authority and tradition.
