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I can't open my closet door

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by rocketgirl1, Apr 14, 2012.

  1. rocketgirl1

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Illinois
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I have finally accepted my sexuality, but I still haven't told any one. At first I wanted to wait until I went off for college. I'm in college now , and I still don't have the courage to be out. I'm tired of pretending , and feeling like I'm the only one. I don't have any one to talk to about this. Even if I come out I couldn't tell my mom. Because she wouldn't pay for school any more. And how would I tell my friends that I have been lying to them. I'm use to being strong , but this is just something I'm having trouble with. :bang:
     
  2. Of Mice and Men

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    First of all, don't worry. Everybody feels like this, I know I do. I guess you could start by trying to determine your friends' reactions to your coming out? Do they accept gays/gay rights? If you realize that they do, you can at least begin to mentally prepare yourself. It will take some time, but think it through and things will work out. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Atticus

    Full Member

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    If you tell your friends, I don't think they will feel as though you have been lying to them. I believe you could tell them and they would be alright with the fact that you have not told them sooner. In fact, I believe that some of them would be very understanding. I don't know your friends, but I know about people and I believe that the worry you are feeling is mostly in your head. It's okay. If you want to start telling people, do it casually. Maybe mention a girl you like. If you act like it is a big deal, they will start thinking that it is a big deal. I hope some of this helps. I feel like I'm just a part of a babbling bumbling band of baboons.
     
  4. dano22

    dano22 Guest

    My first year of college I lied to my friends about my sexuality mainly because of my homophobic roommates one which was a physical threat to me and after college I came out to them and they all understood why I lied to them. They knew my roommate and his attitude and that is why there are no hard feelings. So they will probably understand if they are those kind of people and hopefully they will accept it.
     
  5. Ianthe

    Full Member

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    You feel guilty because you feel like you've been lying to people. But you don't actually owe it to anyone to tell them your private feelings, anyway. It's not required.

    It's better for you if you tell them, so that you don't keep reinforcing the idea in your unconscious that it's shameful and something that has to be hidden. But they really don't have any kind of "right to know." It's your business, and yours to share with them when you are ready to do so.


    Telling them is something you can do with the idea that it deepens the intimacy of your friendships with them.

    "Susan [or whoever], we've been friends for about a year now, and I feel like you're a really good friend. So, I want to tell you about something that I have a hard time sharing with people."


    (Things are slightly different, of course, if you've been dating someone, or something like that. That's a whole other can of worms. )

    I suggest starting with just ONE person. It may or may not be your best friend--sometimes, it's hardest with someone you are closest to.

    Is there any one that you know is very comfortable with gay people? (Comfortable, as opposed to just having an abstract belief that gay people are ok, or whatever. This would be a person who has direct experience with someone close to them being gay. You might not know anyone like that, but that's the ideal situation.)