Well I don't know where to start. I've never done something like this so here goes: I'm 19 years old, and I've dug a pretty big hole for myself. In July I confessed I liked this girl Laura who I've known since I was 12 but I didn't realize I liked her until I was 17. I was with a boy for one year and we broke up this summer. I had a friend gathering (I don't consider it a party) right after we had broken up and I invited Laura over with no intention of anything happening. Teenagers and alcohol, a bad relationship in general. Yes we had a been drinking a bit and I confessed that I had a crush on her, keep in mind I had just broken up with my boyfriend a week ago. I never thought it was a big deal to have a crush on this girl. She didn't say much about it but basically said that perhaps it wasn't such good idea to pursue anything because I had barely gotten out of a relationship. I didn't think anything much of it. But then I kept thinking about her more and more and I really wanted to be with her. And so did she. We met up a week later and we started dating, now we've been together for 6 months and this my first relationship with a girl. And well as corny as this sounds I'm in love with her. I don't know if my "case" is unusual because I never thought I was a lesbian and I never had a single thought about being with a girl before her. This isn't denial, I genuinely liked boys. The she came along.... I must now rewind and explain the main dilemma (well technically one of many). In August when we were still dating my step-dad apparently heard us kiss in my room. To hear someone kiss sounds ridiculous but I guess we were somewhat noisy. I denied for a few minutes but eventually just confessed that we had kissed and it wasn't a big deal. But he thought otherwise not because he disapproves of homosexuals but because he doesn't think it's right to just be "messing around with people". We talked for a while about if I was a lesbian and I just kept saying no. And he said that if I wasn't then I shouldn't be pursuing this. I don't know why I said I didn't want to be with her, I was just scared of him telling my mom (who away at the time). I promised I wouldn't see her anymore, but I kept seeing her behind his back. One day he found out that I did see her while on a trip to the beach with my friends. And he was disappointed in me as he should've been. I said I wasn't going to see her anymore and I that I just saw her that day to tell her that we couldn't be anything; that we had to stop hanging out. My relationship with Laura became more serious as we grew closer. My step-dad said that if he ever found that I was seeing her that he would tell my mom. Like an idiot I just decided to keep on lying. He confronts me all the time when he thinks I'm lying, and it always scares me but I wanna be with her. Everything I do is completely hidden now when it comes to her: -I change her name on my phone -She can only talk to me on the phone at certain times -I say I'm going to see my friends when I go to see her, and they're usually very intricate lies -I come home before 8:30 because that's when my mom goes to bed and I don't wanna face him alone -I never go anywhere in the house when I know it's just him there so that I don't have to face his questions -there are other things but off the top of my head I can't remember It's quite sad, I lead this completely different life than my parents expect. But what else I'm I supposed to do if it's gonna upset my mom. She has all these expectations for me. In the past and right now I never had acted like someone she would suspect to be a lesbian. I must also now tell of another event: Sometime also in August I was at my best friend's house where she had a gathering, my Laura was there and at one point we stepped out of the house and she kissed me on the porch. Unfortunately there's a window looking out to the porch and my best friend's mom happened to be looking out and she saw us kiss. My best friend's mom wasn't angry or anything, she was just shocked. Laura and I felt embarrassed but we weren't in trouble. Now my best friend's mom (because of that) knew we were seeing eachother. She became concerned about me seeing someone (but I think it's because I'm seeing a girl mainly) without my parents knowing. The mom also found about all how much we had to sneak around. Now back to the present: My best friend's mom wants to have a gathering of all of our mom's (who aren't even friends in the first place) just to talk about me and my friends and my best friend told me that if I was to come up as a subject that they would tell my mom (one of my other mom's friends also knows) that I'm with a girl. And well I'm completely freaking out. I thought I could come out at my own pace not be outed by a bunch of women who feel I'm there kid. I understand their point of view: that as a mom they would want to know if their kid was seeing someone. But I feel they don't understand the number of problems they're going to create. It makes me so mad that they believe it's some light problem. How can they not see how stupid, embarrassed, and shocked my mom is going to feel finding out from these woman she doesn't even know. I've cried so many times today and last night. I want to go to my best friend's house and beg her mom not to invite her mom. Laura and I want to be together, why can't anything ever be simple. We just wanted to be together without any trouble. I rather my mom hear it from me when I'm ready. Everything is about to be ruined. I'm not completely sure what I'm asking, I just want some advice. I don't know what to do. And thanks for reading my story (if you got all the way to the end-cuz I think it's kinda long)
First off welcome to Empty Closets! :smilewave I'm kind of confused on why your step-dad is being like this. "But he thought otherwise not because he disapproves of homosexuals but because he doesn't think it's right to just be 'messing around with people'". After seeing that you guys are actually together, that you must really care about her since you're so intent on sneaking out with her, he knows that you're not just messing around. So why would he disapprove of you spending time with her then, if he does not disapprove of homosexuals? Even if you didn't admit that you were bisexual then, it should be quite obvious you aren't straight. I think you should talk to him about this. It may seem necessary to avoid him, but the way you are living currently isn't right. And avoiding him is just going to keep it that way. Ask him why he cares if you're together, because you truly are in a relationship, not just 'having fun kissing'. I understand that you want to tell your mom yourself, and since you aren't at the moment, I'm guessing you're not ready. So you shouldn't feel pressured to do so. But is she homophobic? Because if she isn't, I'm sure she'd love you just the same, and even if she is she may. Her 'expectations' will have to be 'let down' eventually anyway. Even though she shouldn't care. Even if you aren't ready, you may be better off telling her yourself than having either your step-dad or friends' moms tell her. If they do, she'll find out now either way. But I think you should talk to these moms when you're hanging out at your friends houses. Tell them that you don't want her to know yet, that you will tell her, but you aren't ready. Say you're glad they want to help, but that if they were to tell her it would only make things worse for you, your mother, and your girlfriend. I wish you the best :icon_bigg
There is this thing called "bisexuality." It is a real thing. It means that a person is attracted to people of both genders. It is perfectly common to discover this during the teenage years: there is no reason you would necessarily have noticed it before. Thus, both you and your step-father are wrong in approaching the situation as if the only possibilities are that you are actually a lesbian, and would never want a relationship with a guy, or that you are straight and therefore couldn't possibly really be serious about a girl. You can be attracted to a girl, and very serious about her, even if you also like boys. There seem to be a lot of really nosy, interfering people in your life. I'm sorry about that. I kind of understand about your step-father feeling like he should tell your mother--she is his wife, after all--but the other people should mind their own business. You have some choices, obviously. You can't control what other people do, so you have to decide what you are going to do, given the circumstances which are out of your control. I think you should really consider talking to your mom yourself. Do you have any reason to think your mom will respond badly? If not, maybe you should ask yourself why you feel like you can't tell her. What will it mean if you do?
