Yo all I've asked my psych about this issue before, but i am not seeing him at the moment and i didn't really know enough about my own feelings at that point to ask more specific and useful questions. I don't like receiving compliments. In a vain way i do, and my ego loves it when someone compliments me on most things (there are exceptions of course), but i don't know what to say. Usually i act really stupid and embarrassingly, and i always tend to think back on my reactions and think "what a jackass". I'll give two contrasting examples (in spoiler tags for those of you who couldn't be bothered reading; they're a little wordy) Spoiler First - I've played competitive snooker for 8 years. I'm okay at it, and win more frames than i lose in competition, so i guess better than average for my area of Sydney. A perk of incessant snooker practice over 8 years is that pool, by comparison, on a table a quarter the size and with gaping wide pockets becomes so easy it's just childsplay. To the average joe who plays pool in the pub, i look like some kind of prodigy, but the truth (and this is not false modesty) is that i have no natural talent for the game at all. When i started i was a complete muppet, i've just stuck with it and really tried to develop a solid technique. I won a game convincingly in a pub against some random fellow recently, clearing my balls and the black at one visit. I am always sheepish and a bit embarrassed when i win anything. He afterward was graceful about being beaten, but a bit awed and wide eyed when complimenting me. My natural reaction was to assure him it's not through any real ability, just playing snooker and practicing all the time. I think i referred to pool as "like playing hungry hungry hippos" and had a laugh. In retrospect, i think instead of appearing self-effacing, i may have come off arrogant, as though i was trying to downplay pool as a lesser game and not worthy of serious consideration. Second - I have a bit of a prodigious memory for trivia. I remember just about everything really well. I'm interested in everything (it seems), i read a lot, watch a lot, and don't forget much. People tell me i should go on quiz shows, and in all honesty i think i'd do rather well, but whenever i get complimented on it i have nothing but a lame denial; something like 'oh, not really' and a sheepish look. It must be said, i have a HUGE ego when it comes to trivia, i'm good at it and i know it. Who was it that said 'false modesty is the worst kind of conceit'? I know there are a million more appropriate things i could have done to appear more graceful, but the core problem here is my attitude when being complimented. I need an adjustment, i think, but i'm lost. I just can't conceive of a way to respond to compliments like this. I've never been very funny, humour never came naturally to me, is there any standard joke that might work? All i want to do is respond with grace, without outright contradicting their compliment, and without just saying "yeah, i'm awesome" and looking like a tool. How do people respond to compliments gracefully??? ---------- Post added 16th Apr 2012 at 03:48 AM ---------- Oh and an addon - people tend to think i'm handsome, which i both like and dislike. I'm glad of it, but i also consider it an absurd concept. When someone compliments me on my looks, i genuinely dislike it. First of all i wouldn't have a clue what to say to it, second of all it just makes me feel less like a person and more like a decorative object. I've done some modelling and i don't honestly know whether or not it has gone to my head. Because people have been saying it to me my whole life (not least my mother who every time we speak seems to forget she's told me what a handsome boy i am the last time we spoke), i guess i kind of believe it and take it as a given fact i'm a good looking person, but i'm really sick of hearing it because of my own reaction to it. It seems that as a result of it that i'm already someone who considers himself good looking, and i can't STAND people who have that kind of conceit and treat themselves like dolls or show animals. As a result, i disregard my own clothing and appearance, often don't shave for far too long, and lately am finding it hard to find motivation to stay fit.
Don't worry, everyones ego loves a compliment whether they admit it or not It depends on the scenario, but usually you just respond with a thanks, maybe a little continued and maybe a compliment back. In your example, I would probably have responded "thanks, I've been playing for a while." That way it's not too short or arogant, and might make him feel better. In other cases, a scenario might be a friend compliments you on your looks, I get this occasionally, when a friend will call you "hot." - If called hot I usually respond to it with something like "aww thanks, if I'm hot then you're lava." Or something lovey-dubby like that. If it comes down to it you can just say "thanks," just that one word I know it's hard for some people but once you learn how to take one, you won't forget. All the best.
I feel that the best way to take a compliment is to say "thank you," smile, and then move on. It gets you past any awkwardness quickly, and is an acceptable response in most situations. One response to compliments that I really hate is when the person I've complimented immediately attempts to say something nice about me. It's not about me, and they diminish the compliment and themselves that way.
I used to always have the same problem as you. I found that my solution wasn't to joke about the compliments I received; if the purpose of the joke is to just refute the compliment, it doesn't make you seem any less ungrateful for receiving the compliment. I found that my solution was to just say "Thank you." No matter how I feel about the compliment, no matter whether I agree with it or I think it's ridiculous and am going to drop it from my mind once the conversation ends, a "Thank you" is never an inappropriate response to a genuine compliment. You can use "Thanks" if you want to make it sound less formal.
That's just what my psych said! I guess it must be the best advice... it's just going to be really unpleasant. I'm going to feel like a wanker doing it
Think of it this way: no one who compliments you does so because they think you're full of yourself and want to see if you really are. They compliment you because they think you have done something or are something praiseworthy. And if they think you've done something praiseworthy, they aren't going to think you're a narcissist because you took their praise.
