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Where to find gay guys looking for a relationship?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by spidermaninnc, Apr 15, 2012.

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  1. spidermaninnc

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    I had a very hard time accepting who I am. It took me a very long time because of my religious beliefs. It has been about three years now that I have accepted that I am gay and that can not be changed. I live in the Bible belt area of the eastern US. So, it is very hard to know where to look for guys like me. I live in a small rural town that is very anti-gay. I listen to people cut down and talk trash about guys like us. So, yeah, it is not easy here. Plus holding a great job I can not let it be known. Here is the problem that I have. I like the younger legal type guys. They tend for the most part have the same kind of personality that I do. And I know there will be probably be very few of them that are looking for an older guy to be in a relationship with. And I understand that. I do not think that gay bars/clubs is the place to look for a relationship cause I am not looking for a hookup or anything along that lines. I have tried online chatrooms and sites but all I get is those looking for sex or guys looking to use me by wanting me to give them money all the time. They lie and tell you what you want to hear when they are not even looking for a relationship. So, I need help very badly. Can anyone suggest places to go to meet guys that is looking for a real relationship? Where younger guys go when they are looking for older guys that wants a relationship? Maybe there is an online site that I have missed. There are definitely no places in this area tailored for guys like us like support groups and so on. And I am very bad at knowing whether someone is gay or not. So, I am not the type that just walk up to someone that I may think is and start a conversation. So any advice/help that anyone can give will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading this.
     
  2. Ianthe

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    Hi, welcome to Empty Closets!

    While I realize that you are mostly attracted to younger guys, you might want to approach the dating scene with an open mind. I mean that you might want to try meeting some people, and seeing whether you are attracted to them, rather than starting out with a set idea of what kind of guy you are looking for. Be willing to like whoever you like, even if it isn't who you think it will be.

    Is there a city in semi-reasonable driving distance, that has a decent-sized gay community? If so, you might want to see if there is some kind of weekly activity you could join in, to get to know people more casually. This is a better way of meeting people for friendships AND serious relationships than any kind of dating website.

    By activity, I mean something like an interest-based club or sport. Ideally, it would be something you actually enjoy, so that you will genuinely have something in common with the other people you meet (other than just being gay, of course).

    If there is no kind of community involvement within driving distance, I'm afraid to say you might seriously want to consider moving.
     
  3. BudderMC

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    Just by reading (and assuming some things, sorry if I'm wrong), I feel like, like Ianthe said, you're being a little closed-minded to this dating thing. I don't know the age difference between you and the range you're interested in, but if you're interested in this type because of personality... well, personality is one of the things LEAST limited to age.

    From what it sounds like, if you're looking for a younger guy, there's probably another reason for it. Which is probably fine, but if it's strictly on the basis of personality, you need to get over that block.

    And going off of that, no wonder the guys online are doing nothing but wanting hook-ups and asking for money. From the sounds of it, you're older and more financially independent than all of them... why wouldn't they use that to their advantage? Chalk this up to another reason you'd want someone closer to your age range; they're likely in the same part of their life as you are (older, wanting a relationship, secured job, financially independent, etc.).

    This isn't to say you won't find a younger guy that has all of those qualities, but it's like looking for a needle in a haystack (when you're already looking for a needle in a haystack, being a gay guy in a conservative area). Don't make this harder on yourself than you have to. :slight_smile:
     
  4. spidermaninnc

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    Yes, I am mostly atttracted to the younger guys. And I know it is possible for a younger/older type of relationship cause I have seen guys that are. How they met, I have the slightest clue. That is why I posted on here asking for advice. Because hopefully someone will read this and share some ideas.
     
  5. spidermaninnc

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    Does anyone have any other suggestions? Please help, thanks.
     
  6. edwin ng

    edwin ng Guest

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    I'm sure there're plenty of Gay finder apps around? Where by you can seek whoever that switched on the app. Hope that helps
     
  7. Night Rain

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    I'm sorry but if you're looking for a long-term relationship with a certain personality in mind, your best bet is to get to know people without expecting from them first. Besides, it's not like you just know if someone is gay or suitable for you. You have to, let's say, experiment until you find the right one. I like to add romantic and traditional courtship in the process, but maybe it's just me. :wink:

    If you set out looking for a date, you're just gonna find guys like that. If you stay where you are now, a relationship will not work out. I suggest moving to another state, get to know new people and you may find the right person. Oh, and about the younger guy interest, I think you should keep your options open. You never know who you will fall in love with, not that it can't be a young guy. :slight_smile:

    Edit: Gay finder apps are for hook-ups. Better steer clear of them.
     
  8. Ianthe

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    Thread is old and OP has not been on since April. Just sayin'.
     
  9. jason32nc

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    1st: I find it very hard to believe that I'm so old now.
    2nd: I was their for 10 years and you broke my heart into pieces and reading this just made me think about it again.
    3rd: I'm fully aware I'm not easy to get along with, but I'm a very committed person and was more than happy to be with you.
    4th: I have a lot more positive points than negative ones.

    I don't mean this to be harsh, but you are sounding like the victim, when I was there the entire time and obviously in love with you. Maybe I'm not the most warm and caring person, but their was a time when I was happy. You didn't want me and I felt devastatingly rejected and spiraled out of control. Reading this just irritates me and makes me wonder why I continue hanging out with you. It makes me feel rejected, old and unattractive more than I already feel. It's ironic beyond belief and just hurts my feelings. Yes, I have feelings buried beneath all this craziness I exude. Anyway, just remember you didn't want me. I still care deeply for you and it's not because you help me when I'm in trouble. Isn't that what love is anyway? I guess I am partly to blame, because I am a difficult person. Isn't that part of the reason you like me and find me interesting. Would you have been around me for so long, if I were just average and boring. Anyway, I had to get that off my chest. It's been eating at me for years. Cuz I know that handle is you and the courteous manner of type is you. You know where to find me, if you ever decide that I'm good enough. Obviously, you have accepted being gay. I could say so much more, because this has built up inside of me and ate away at me for 10 long years and I'm glad I read this and can express how I feel.

    ---------- Post added 28th Jan 2013 at 09:27 AM ----------

    He doesn't need to move to a different state. Maybe I'm just a forceful type and have a large personality, but no one in Charlotte or the town he lives in is against me at least. I go anywhere and people like me for me. Granted I do force myself on people and I'm not shy like he is, but it's not like that here. I've been around his family and I'm certainly not fooling anyone and they like me. All his neighbors think I'm a trip. Does he really think he was fooling anyone anyway. If he told his mom he was gay, I doubt she'd be upset. She just seems like the kinda lady that would love having a gay son and his Mom likes me. I swear my Mom wishes he were her son. LOL I have my faults and yes I sometimes can be a manipulative monster and wear on someone's nerves, but he knows if I were an average Joe, he wouldn't want to hang out with me. Anyway, I can't begin to put my thoughts together on this. I was so damn mad when I read this. He had someone within inches of him all this time and I'm guessing I'm just no good enough I suppose. :icon_sad:
     
    #9 jason32nc, Jan 28, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2013
  10. Zaio

    Zaio Guest

    Firstly: This is not a love forum, if you and the OP had some form of relationship that apparently ended badly, then this is not a suitable medium to speak to them with.

    Secondly: The OP has not been on since April 2012 and has not posted anything since this post, I highly doubt he uses this site anymore.

    Thirdly: Unnecessarily bumping old posts is something frowned upon.

    All the best.
     
  11. jason32nc

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    I have a suggestion, how about you stop acting like I don't exist. I see you every Sunday and I even complain about this openly to your face. Hello, wake up and smell the Gay Coffee!!!! I still care for you very much, if you hadn't noticed. I may have a difficult time expressing myself verbally in these types of situations, but you could have a relationship right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    ---------- Post added 28th Jan 2013 at 09:33 AM ----------

    Sadly, I have a hard time expressing this to him. I see him constantly, but just can't get it out. As selfish as this is, I had to take this opportunity to clear my head of these built up thoughts. Sorry

    ---------- Post added 28th Jan 2013 at 09:36 AM ----------

    Considering your 16 yo and not educated on the perils of life now. I wouldn't expect you to understand. I had no problems or cares when I was that age. I had to clear my head and I'm sorry if you are so easily offended and aggravated by this, but get over it.
     
  12. Owen

    In Loving Memory Full Member

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    The thread's original poster hasn't logged in in nine months. He's probably not going to see these replies. Let's let the thread rest.
     
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