So I've taken the plunge and came out to my family about 4 weeks ago. It's a great feeling to be able to live openly as I've always felt. But now, I don't really know what the next step should be... I mean, what does dating look like now? Where do I go to make new gay friends? I guess the answers are obvious (take advantage of the GLBT center in Denver), but to be honest, it's a daunting idea. I've always been shy, and going to any of the local groups seems doubly daunting. So I don't know... Any advice from anyone who is farther along in the coming out process would be most appreciated. Thanks! -Nick
Congrats on your coming out!!!! That's a great step! I think the GLBT Center is the best place to start because you can start opening up and make new friends and it's easier / less intimidating than through other methods, imo. Even if it feels a bit daunting at first, just show up. If they have different activities, do something that you enjoy. Take it slow and be patient with yourself. It takes some time to get comfortable with your sexuality, at least for me, it took a lot of time.
Don't underestimate online dating sites. I just started using them a couple months ago and already I've made a couple really good gay friends. Who knows, maybe eventually I'll actually find a BF too
I've met some interesting people through online dating, only as internet penpals right now, but still, cool people.
I'm not sure how the LGBT center in Denver works, but if there's an option to talk to any available employee (or designated advisors) at the center, by all means take advantage of this opportunity to talk to someone one-on-one. You can ask to be referred to someone who can best relate to you, and who will be able to advise you on what you should do now that you're out of the closet. If you're intimidated by groups, just think about how many other attendees are going through exactly the same situation, and how they had the same reservations about attending. It can help a great deal to know that you're not alone, but if you don't attend, you won't get to see that there are people in the flesh who are feeling what you're feeling.
Concentrate on making gay friends first--then your friends can help you with the whole dating scene. I'm kind of shy, too. I find it a lot easier to get involved in an activity, rather than just going in to clubs or community centers. Denver has a pretty decent-sized community, so there should be plenty of organized activities for gay people. You should be able to find something you will enjoy and be interested in.
I can cure your shyness right now if you would simply follow these instructions: 1) Rear your head back, and say, "I need dick. I must get dick. If I don't get dick, I'm dangerous." 2) Go for a walk or a jog, and stop somewhere to get yourself a drink. 3) When you get home, make a point of giving your mother a hug, and offer to do some chore you don't usually volunteer for. Shyness cured. The reason it works is thus: 1) it's actually easier to be serious and be taken seriously when you can have a sense of humor about yourself and what you are doing. 2) Getting a little fresh air and just getting out for the sake of seeing people is good for you. 3) When you make a point of being nice to your parents or the people you live with, you get positive feedback that helps make you feel more self-confident. Anyway, good luck.
Hi Nick, I agree with the others. I think you should go to one of the LGBT centers for starters. It's OK to be shy (I was very shy when I was younger) I'm sure there will be others there just like you. As to the internet sites.....there are lots of dating sites that could help you in meeting others in your area. Be sure and read the section that most of them have about safe internet dating. There are also lots of sites that you should stay away from, I think you'll know which ones those are. Good luck.
Thanks to all who responded, it was all very sound advice. I particularly liked the points about realizing that others were in the same boat I'm in and having the confidence to laugh at myself. We'll see what happens this week...