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I think she might be gay too..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by October, Apr 16, 2012.

  1. October

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    Okay so my best friend and I are very close. She doesn't know I'm gay because I am too scared to tell her thinking it might ruin the best friendship I have. I really really want to tell her but I don't know how. I can't seem to find the right words or the right time.

    Anyway, I have my suspicions that she might be gay. She never wants to talk about dating and claims she isn't going to marry. Multiple guys have told her they like her but she immediately makes it clear she's not interested. I swear she has like eighteen guys in her "friend zone" that would love to go out with her. For a while I thought that she was maybe asexual but she doesn't seem the type.

    Problem is that I don't have any way of finding out without making it obvious. I'm scared that if she's finds out I'm gay she'll distance herself from me just like she did with her guy friends that developed feelings for her. I don't exactly know how I feel about her, I just want her to know I'm gay and I want to know why she isn't interested in dating anyone.
     
  2. Is there any way you can subtly bring up something about the gay community IN GENERAL, like news or something? That way you can at least find out how she feels about gay people. Then, if the coast seems clear, you might be able to come out to her.

    The only way to find out for sure is for her to tell you, but if you're not willing to come out yourself, then I don't know why she would either.

    And even if you do come out to her, it's not entirely necessary to tell her that you're still unsure of your feelings toward her. It sounds like that is what you're really worried about. That she'll think you have feelings for her and if she doesn't have those feelings for you, then your friendship will change. So, until you're certain about your feelings, you don't have to share that.

    But you might want to test the waters as to coming out to her anyway. That way, if she is gay/bi then you'll have created a safe space for her to tell you, if she's ready to do that.
     
  3. Just Passing

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    I would come out to her. If she's as good a friend and she sounds, then she can't react too badly to the revelation and it may help her with her own avoidance of the whole dating topic, regardless of her own sexuality.

    Still, if she isn't asexual like you think she is or she's not interested in those guys who want to go out with her and is still straight, then maybe she just wants to wait for the right person to come along or someone she truly likes. It's completely honourable, considering how some people just date whoever they want to regardless of whether or not love is actually there.
     
  4. October

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    I really think I will. Soon. Note that it took me three years to come out to my gay best friend so soon is like within the next fourish months. Today when we were eating lunch one girl made the comment that she would become a lesbian before dating this certain guy. Another one of my friends surprised me by commenting that the word lesbian made her feel sick and how gross it was. My best fried didnt really have a reactoon to it but i really just wanted to come out and go off on her.