I was at this personal development seminar the other day to look for a kick in the butt so I can get motivated. The guy told me in front of the room - and I'm ok with that, I went there to hear something - that I'm a gray cloud, I suck life out of people, I'm resigned, that kinda stuff. OK, I said I see what you mean. He said what do you want for your life? I said I want to be happy. :icon_bigg: He said it's that simple but you won't allow it - I'm a repressed kinda guy in terms of my emotions - I've a major conflict in my life named work-life balance. Here's my strategy for being gay and enjoying life: 'Get rich or die trying' The thing with me is that I want money badly and I've been trying to get rich for the past few years because if I'm rich, then I don't need to live in a straight man's world no more and I'm done with the jobs and all that crap. I pushed myself to work in City of London kinda finance job which I didn't like... Fast forward, I'm like 'ok, let's own real estate to get rich'. I did some expensive training and acted on it. And now, in the middle of a conflict with my business partners, I just want to stay in bed the whole day, basically while I'm supposed to do renovations but my idiots financing partners couldn't get a line of credit if their life depended on it. Which causing the project to be delayed and me to be broke.:bang: Maybe I should take it easy and success will come to me easier than forcing things... I'm just feeling like a double loser right now: my personal life sucks and the money part doesn't work right now... I just want to be my gay self and to be happy in everything I do! Maybe I should change the strategy but I don't see myself happy in a low-paying job either or sucking dicks for a living to put it bluntly...
You'll never get there forcing it. Don't get me wrong, I have the same aspirations, but the only way to get rich is to do something you like and be clever about it. What do you like doing in your spare time? Try to make a business out of that. You probably won't get "rich" in the sense that you want to, but you'll be damn well-off and financially secure.
I think your going about it with the wrong motivations. Get rich so you don't have to live in a straight mans world? Get rich and then get rid of all the jobs and stuff. Dude, there is one thing I have learned in life...there is never enough money. No matter how much you make you will want to make more. We all want to have enough money to live comfortably, but it wont make you happy. I live pretty comfortably but my brother has a ton of money, is he any happier than I am, no way, and he doesn't even have to deal with being gay! You, me and everyone else on this site will ALWAYS live in a straight mans world, so to think you wont have to live in it is, well, (I hesitate to say) foolish. Lastly, maybe you need more than a motivational seminar, maybe it's a counselor that you need to help you work through these issues that the presenter referred to. I truly wish you the best in your future. It's a tough road...and even tougher being gay.
Ultimately, I want to own Real Estate because I need passive income to get rich, i.e. like a paycheck every month from the rental properties. To get there, I need cash and credit. So I can get a job, do another business or raise capital. For the moment, I'm trying to raise capital because it's a skill that I need to have as a business person - if it doesn't work, well, I'll do another job or business or something where I'm having some fun because effectively, each time I force something, this is going nowhere. As you say, it needs to be something I like or it will never work. Real Estate could be kinda fun but if u don't get along with your partners, it makes your life look like hell on earth. I'm not gonna force the Real Estate down my Partners' throat as I did before. We're gonna have an open conversation about it - I wanted to split 2 weeks ago and then they were like oh no, we should be talking first- which we're gonna do on Sunday and I'm planning on rocking the boat!
Yes, I spent lots of time on the French riviera and I know multi-millionaires trying to commit suicide, killing themselves, depressed etc. in their seemingly perfect life. Money doesn't equate being happy. 'Never enough' is your relationship to money though, not somethin' kinda universal. I'm ok being foolish as long as I speak my mind and I'm real. Too much discrimination in the workplace means I just want to dump the whole job thing, absolutely yes! I've seen so many counselors in my life, I don't even count them. I just go to the Doctor to get my anti-depressants and anxiety pills so I'm feelin' cool. She tells me I should stop, and I say no, not at the moment.
Well for what it's worth, I respectfully disagree that "never enough" is not something universal. How about those people that win it big time on the lottery and then turn around and gamble it all away? There are thousands of examples. I'm not saying that you are like that, because I don't know you. I guess maybe what I am saying is that your focus to happiness maybe should be directed somewhere else, only you know where that could possibly be. And, I didn't mean to insinuate that you shouldn't speak your mind......as long as you equally listen and am open to the rebuttal. I would never claim to be better than the next guy and I don't speak with authority but I do speak with experience. I'm 23 years older than you are so I do have lots of experienced. I do know what bullying, harassment, embarrassment, and discrimination are all about. Unfortunately, I have lived them all fully!
Happiness isn't about money or sexual orientation. It's about attitude. What's keeping you from being happy right now? Nothing other than your attitude towards your current situation and the people and things around you. That's all. Now - is it easy to change that attitude? That approach to life that you've had for decades? No. But I'll suggest that it's possible over the longer term. I'll echo JimL's thoughts in saying that there's not likely a magic amount of money that is going to tip the scale from unhappy to happy. I haven't found it yet, and I'm now earning almost 5 times what I earned when I entered the working world after university. I still don't feel like I have 'enough' to do the things that would make me REALLY happy. But I'll say that I am happy - because I appreciate and I'm grateful for the things that I do have. What I don't understand is how you're not comfortable being gay in the financial services business. One of the leading companies in LGBT diversity in Canada is TD Canada Trust - which is (partially) based in London Ontario. Most large accounting firms are also members of Pride At Work Canada. If your company doesn't have an LGBT Affinity Group, maybe it's time that you reached out to someone in HR and talked about starting one. You might be surprised at how much support there is for such a group, and how much better you'd feel about being gay at work if you could 'affiliate' with other gay employees. With respect to the real estate thing, I'm with you there. I'm renting out the condominium that I had bought when my wife and I separated, as I'm now living in my husband's townhouse. The thing is that it didn't need any work - I had been living in it myself. It's very low maintenance, which is what I need. (I'm not particularly handy!) So I would agree that this kind of thing can work out very well and I think it's a sound investment. But you need to know who you're in partnership with and you need to set out some pretty clear rules. If people aren't living up to their expectations then there need to be implications - one of which is disolution of the partnership. Ideally you'd have much of this in writing. Let me know if you want to chat one on one about any of these issues.
I'm trying to listen and be open but frankly, I am feeling lectured on what I should think. I'm not saying that you're doing it on purpose but that's how it comes across to me. And when I feel that way, it's really hard for me to listen because my emotions switch automatically to fight mode which I really don't want to do in here. Maybe I brought up the wrong topic for the forum though. It's just that my work and my life are so intertwined...
I didn't mean to lecture. I am sorry if I came across that way! I'll chose my words more carefully next time. Bottom line is I suffered most of my life not being truly happy and it pains me to see others in the same place. I really hope you can find happiness in your life. Hugs for you. (*hug*)
The attitude thing, totally agree, I understand it intellectually and now I have to experience it in real life. Just need to be patient with myself. Just to be clear on the Financial Services, I never worked in Canada in that industry. I worked in France, Holland and the UK, so really what I'm talking about is not about Canadian Financial Services. By the time I got here, I decided to ditch that industry for good because I didn't feel like trying again in a fourth country... And it wasn't all bad, I worked my ass off but at least I was paid to learn English, whatever... Oh, and I live in Northern Ontario. Probably, I need a bit of time to settle down and stop immigrating to another country more often than I buy a new laptop.
Oh! I picked up that you lived in Ontario and that you lived in London - so I assumed you worked in London Ontario, where several banks and insurance companies are based. Living in northern Ontario is another story. Not likely as accepting. (Possibly not as attractive to own real estate as an investment either - but I'm not an expert on that.) At any rate, I got your PM and I've written back. Hope it helps.
