Sorry for beating a dead unicorn here, but... I've noticed since coming out that my awkward, quick glances at guys that attract my attention are starting to ramp up to full-on crushes. This is probably just a backlog of emotions forcing their way through since I've long bottled up any same-sex attraction I've ever had. While none of these crushes have developed into anything more than that, I'm finding that this tight control I use to have over my emotions is gradually starting to slip away. Quick background - I went into Manhattan to watch some of the Doctor Who filming that was taking place. I parked myself next to a guy that caught my attention and started talking to him. We were still talking six hours later about everything - Doctor Who, the filming, school, family, work, travel. We just couldn't run out of topics to talk about. We ended up befriending each other on Facebook and have chatted several times since. We're even planning on meeting up again to hang out. Alas, he is straight, so I'm not going to push for anything more than friendship. It just sucks, though. Finally find a guy I'm attracted to, who's fun to talk to and I share a lot of interests in, yet it can't be anything more than just that. I made the mistake of looking at his photo album on Facebook. He just reinforced how attracted to him I am. I'm not sure if I'm even looking for advice or if I'm just wanting to get this irksome bother out of my system. I left high school back in 1996, yet it feels like I'm walking those hallways all over again trying to keep a stupid grin off my face. Grrr.
Many of us experience the same kinds of feelings. Coming out later in life we 'revert' back to being in high school when our hormones and emotions were expected to be raging. But many of us supressed those things while in highschool and when we do come to terms with our orientation - regardless of age - we still need to deal with them. This period is short lived though. You'll get back to feeling more normal before long. Does this guy you met know that you are gay? Did you tell him? Is that your status on Facebook? Make sure he knows - because while he's straight, he might have a good friend who isn't!
A straight crush it what brought me here. Last year a friend brought a guy to my birthday. He was friendly, kind of cute, and seemed to want to get to know me. A few months later I had lost a couple friends (they were crappy friends), and he had not only stuck around, but grown closer to me. We had everything in common (sense of humor, attitudes regarding our expectations of friends, interests, life problems) and I quickly found myself crushing on him. When we started working out together, and he started becoming really comfortable around me, well it just seemed like things were going somewhere more. I fell stupid, crazy over him. His looks, his voice, even the way he smelled, everything about him I found addictive and beautiful. He would do little things that would make me crazy, like holding my hand when we were out for a run, or giving me a hug from behind and putting his chin on my shoulder. Apparently he does this with everyone he is close to. Some of our mutual straight friends have questioned his sexuality. My close friends feel that he is either A: Deeply closeted or B: Just a big flirty cock tease that will never act on anything. I figured he if had something to say, or had feelings for me he would act on them, but I couldn't just wait around like a love sick puppy for that day. Eventually it got to a point where I had to tell him. While he did not react poorly, he did not share my romantic attraction. He is straight, just incredibly flirty and comfortable with himself. At least, that's how he told it to me, so that's what I have to believe. I knew I was on a bridge to nowhere, no matter how returned I felt some of my feelings were. Bottom line is, crushes are fun for a while, but eventually it has to end. The sooner the better. He still makes me feel amazing when I'm around him, and he is a great friend, but I had some pretty painful days where I just had to scream it all out. If you want, you can read all about it below. First Thread Second Thread
^^^^^^^ what archery set said was very good. sometimes the person can seem ideal but in the end you get tired of wondering and guessing and you have to ask and then ultimately the sad odds are that he will say "im straight". so the best thing to do is either tell the person upfront you're gay or erase all hope from the start that the person is gay and just see them as a friend. pining away for months will only cause you unnecessary confusion and heartache. in most of these case, the "straight" person displays behavior or sends mix messages that a "straight" guy would never really do. however, no matter how affectionate or nice or responsive they are to you, if they say they are straight, then you have to accept it no matter if you really believe it or not. sure it would be great to be able to just meet guys and they turn out to be gay or interested. but the reality most will be straight so its best to focus your romantic interests on people that you know are homosexual. anyhting else usually is a waste of time or just about sex anyways.
Well, I read both those threads and you certainly have my sympathies. I'm no where near that level and I can't even imagine how you're dealing with it. I'm sure at some point cold showers just don't cut it anymore. It really sounds like a mindgame and you're waiting for the next move, but you don't know where all the pieces lie. For the time being, I'm just going to enjoy the FB chats as they are - simple, random comments and not read any more into them. There's an Ivy League mixer for gay students in the Manhattan area tonight so I'm going to go there and try my best to mingle. I don't know anyone else going so it should be interesting (or two hours wasted that should've gone towards end-of-the-semester projects). Hope it works out for you. He sounds like an awesome guy.
