One foot out of the closet and it still feels crowded. I'm pretty sure this isn't one of the first threads regarding coming out. And it's definitely been an issue that's been occupying my mind lately. As opposed to being completely reluctant though, I actually really want to come out. At the same time though, certain bits of logic and possible consequences stop me in my tracks. I've finally accepted the fact that I was gay around several months ago. Since then, I've refrained myself to only telling a couple of really close friends of mine, especially since one of them is gay as well. I've been talking to them about the whole ordeal for a while and they've really been helpful and supportive about the whole thing. While they do give me some breathing space when it comes to being open about my sexuality, I still feel like I'm holding a lot in. I hate having to dodge questions, be vague, or lie through my teeth to avoid giving it away. I feel like I'm barricading off a major part of who I am and it's been causing some frustration.*For a while, my eyes have been set on telling my family and certain group of friends. Both seem to have their advantages and disadvantages though. I'm gravitating towards telling some of my friends first. All of them are pretty open-minded about it and have someone that's close to them that's gay. If I told them, that'd give me a lot more breathing room and I'd just feel more comfortable around them and the subject itself. However, there some problems. First, I'm worried some the girls might feel awkward around me. It's a bit irrational of me to think that way, but still. I don't want anyone else feeling uncomfortable. On the other hand, I actually do like one of them and I have liked them for quite sometime. Sometimes I find myself jokingly flirting with her or acting all chivalrous. (Opening the door, helping carrying her stuff, etc.) She probably thinks I'm just being silly or overly nice. If I come out though, she might catch onto some things. Then there's my family. In my mind, I've played out several different reactions, and all of them completely hard to work around. It'd be great to have their support and have them understand what I'm going through. But that seems like the hardest thing to do. I don't really want to have a whole big confrontational group thing. But that's where it stops. Individually I'm worried. While my mom is generally alright with homosexuality in general, she's awfully aloof when it comes to the subject and doesn't seem to take it all too seriously. She'll probably think its temporary or just try to ignore discussing it altogether. My dad is harder. He seems to share the same attitude as my mom, though I've heard him tell some homophobic jokes that've made me silently cringe in the past. I don't even know with my brother. He's probably my closest friend in the world, but I honestly don't know how he'd react.* I really want to tell either one or both by the end of the year. I hate having to bottle it all up inside, but a part me says that it's probably for the best. I don't know whether or not I should, and if I did, how I would. Sorry for the long-ass post. I'd appreciate some help though.*
I know how you feel, believe me Listen, coming out to anyone is a pretty big step. For most people, it's a Hell of a journey, but worth it. I would start of by telling a couple of close friends first, almost testing things out. The first time you ever admit it out loud can be stressful, so when it comes to telling significant people in your life it would be best not to have that extra stress. Make sure you tell people you trust absolutely, so that your family, or people you aren't ready to come out to, won't find out from someone else. Be careful who you choose, and consider their views in detail. Make sure you have a good idea of how they'll react first. About your crush... well, all I can say is that she'll have to find out about your sexuality eventually. You can put it off, but it won't really get you anywhere. I would suggest telling her, and if she does suspect things, you will just have to be more discrete. It's the same thing straight girls have to deal with around guys they like, really. When it comes to family, I think you should listen to other posters, as I have only come out to my father and my friends. I would say, try to find out exactly what they think about gay people first, and work from there. If you think they'll react badly, it might be best to wait until you are financially independent, or maybe slowly start hinting and trying to get them used to the idea first. family is always the hardest, because they are th one's whose opinions you value the most, and who you have the most contact with. Lastly, it is important that you only come out to someone when you feel ready. Don't feel pressured by anything, you can take your time. If it feels wrong, then it probably is. Hope that helps, and good luck xxx
First of all, Im really sorry for all that you are going through. I can tell you, however, that these are all very normal feelings to have when coming out. There is this big stigma behind being gay. Kind of like the feeling of not being "enough". Therefore it is easy to think that your friends and family will not like you once you come out, because perhaps that isnt what they want to hear or know. The thing is, coming out doesnt change who you are, you are enough, and always will be. Now thats not to say that people will never judge you in the future, but it is their ignorance that makes the world a sad place, not your sexuality. There is also a big split between your friend and family. If any of your friends dont like what you have to tell them when you come out, then those are friends you should really not choose to keep, because obviously they cant look past one piece of information that is completely irrelevant to them. Your family on the other hand will always love you. From the sounds of it, there is not much to worry about with your family, especially your brother, however in the worse case what would happen is they would show their disapproval, and get over it. Parents, actually, are remarkable about doing this. Some of the most martyred ignorant parents make complete shifts on their opinions and views just for the love of their children. If you really want to come out by the end of the year then I applaud you. Thats one more step to acceptance. And just so you know, once you are out, it feels so much better Sending love,
I've only, too, realized that I was gay a few months ago as well. And I am truly jealous you've told people already, that takes a lot of courage. I think you should definitely tell your friends if you're comfortable with it. And if they feel uncomfortable, they just need some time to get used to you being gay. A lot of people have never met someone gay so they don't know how to react. And if a friend just totally ditches you, they weren't worthy of your friendship anyway. Coming out to my family seems the scariest as well. And seriously my mother and father are EXACTLY like yours, it's uncanny. I may be a bit hypocritical here but I think coming out as soon as your comfortable would be the best thing for you and your well-being. After (or before) telling your friends I think you should tell your brother. Me and my sister are absolute best friends as well and I know she would except me, just like your brother will. I really wish you the best! And if you need to talk to someone I'm always here, we seem to be in the same situation. <3
