Hi there! I made a few posts here before. This place has helped me an awful lot with accepting myself and I would like to thank you all once again for the invaluable help that saved me from the worst. I never ever thought I'd be asking for advice about relationships! Though not in its strictest sense. I haven't come out IRL yet, I plan to after school (I'm fully ready to - I don't want potential drama, when I'm nearly cracking with exams. About 2 months from now is complete freedom!). I sometimes visit a gay-chat room as I enjoy chatting with the people there. I am going against my own nationally here but I find with Irish people on the internet they are only interested in meeting up and having sex. But I don't know if I'm being naïve with the fact that it is a sex-related chat room... But I'm certainly not comfortable with meeting up with someone after one chat and have sex. I feel I got too caught up in it at the start and I made some bad choices that I regret. I got a bit too close to some of the (lack of a better word) men. One particular is in my area (he is about 12-13 years older than me). Our friendship didn't end on the best of terms (as I said, the interest in sex...) and I have myself avoiding a certain place where he works at. I know he is a nice lad at the back of it all who wouldn't do anything bad to me or the sort - just far too awkward when I can easily gloss over the situation and move on with my life. But I find myself avoiding everything that could lead to something. If I didn't listen to my head telling me 'no you could die' it would be a very very different story. Like just there (what provoked me to write this post) I was talking to a guy who happened to be the same school as me and wanted to meet up straight away but I left when he asked for my number. Besides not wanting to be out, I just threw away something that could've been really good and fun... I'm not sure what I am at all. I am scared that I could be found out and caught. I don't like the idea of meeting relationships on the internet (from one meeting I mean, it would be a different story if anyone there bothered to try on work on a friendship first - trust is a big thing for me but no one seems to want to do it!) But I am too socially awkward and oblivious to situations where I could meet someone in real life... Is there advice that could be given to me on what I should do/not do? I am just feeling like :eusa_doh: ! Thank you in advance for reading and possibly posting! (I am a rambler...)
Well... that certainly is a good explanation for it Honestly though, the majority of people (even including a lot of dating sites) seem to be in it only for hookups. I'm sure a chat room is not really the best place to be looking for a serious relationship. That's the other thing, your age the age of the guys you're talking with. 12/13 years is a sizable enough gap that middle-aged men would 'prey' after you (assuming you're mid-twenties). This probably only gets worse the younger you are. You have really good reasons for not wanting to participate. The first is that you'd rather be closeted for the moment, and the second of which is that you value your personal safety. Honestly, if he's at your school, I'm sure you could have found him without a chat site, no? I'm trying to imply that he's not the only fish in the sea. Honestly, I don't know how people find relationships when they're closeted. There's not much to really do but simply face your fears. Trust issues, depending on how severe, you could probably talk with a counsellor or something (if you're interested) to help remedy some of that. More than anything though, I feel like the Internet is not the place to be looking if you want to find someone you can trust and doesn't just want a hookup. If what you're doing isn't working, maybe it's time to try something different. Expand your horizons a bit.
You know, when someone else says that it is a sex-related chat I realise how silly I sounded. :lol: I don't think I'm particularly looking for a 'serious' relationship, I just love to be able to chat and have the 'craic' as we say where I come from. I want to be able to connect to someone on a slightly deeper level where I can to someone who 'understands' I suppose? I am a little embarrassed with this happenings. I regret ever pursing anything further but I can't change what happened. I take it as a learning experience and I feel like I'll be able to deal anything associated with this. I am seventeen by the way. Which probably makes it sound worse! I could bring up the whole debate that my area is a very small-town-narrowed-minded mentality. But you are right, if I looked hard enough in real life, I'm sure I could find what I would like. Just find that difficult to do at the moment! I'm not too sure how deep my trust issues are, I have no problem with talking with certain individuals about sexuality and stuff (those close people just happen to be on-line!) but in real life I'm a mess at it. I just can't bring myself to actually coming out - I'm a coward? Or too conscious of my safety? I just don't know. I wouldn't lable it a relationship myself in the biggest sense, as I said I just want someone who I can relate to. If you get me. Thank you for the prompt reply though, highly appreciated.
idk but i would love a list of reasons / excuses for not coming out...maybe because its like so cosy in the closet? how long ago did you 1st seriously think "i am gay?" maybe your mind is telling you to slow down and get more maturity to be sure first? i think with me i am not out for several reasons, one being exactly that, i needed a lot more time to just live and subconsciously work to process everything to be sure. hmmm...writing a list may not be a bad idea...
