I Let Him Get Away!

So I don't know if I'm posting just to share or to get some kind of advice or opinions but here goes. This is incredibly detailed but just about every detail counts!

For the first time (that I recognize) I met a guy, he totally seemed interested and I felt a mutual interest and I let him get away!!:tears:Seriously. I never felt anything like that before. I don't know hardly any gay people. Just a couple workmates I NEVER see. I have had a couple customers be very friendly, and I knew they were gay but no actual attempts at anything or interest on my part. In the last few years that I have been aware of my attraction to guys, I have never been attracted to a guy where he also seemed interested as well. So this was a first! I have freaking goosebumps! Anyway I will continue...

So he wasn't quite what I expected my type to be. He was instantly cute but at first thought, not super cute. He looked about 30 which is way older than I ever thought would interest me (I'm 21). He had 3 little girls with him. He said they were "his." I should have but I didn't question it. His eyes were lingering and lit up I might add and based on his posture and the lisp as well as the way he interacted with the girls, I should have had the guts to say, "Oh they're yours?!" But anyway usually the people at the counter aren't looking much at me but instead their eyes wander and look at the different kinds of doughnuts (yes I work at krispy kreme. The bane of my existence) He simply ordered his doughnuts without much looking around. He kept his eyes up toward me. I meanwhile am FIGHTING to keep from continually looking at him. He pulls out punch cards and begins to explain his dilemma. As he does so, I for the first time am looking straight at him, no interruptions. I instantly notice his speech begins to fumble slightly. He is grasping for words and talking a little faster. I'm thinking, this guy is so damn cute! He's getting a little nervous! Each second he is getting more attractive in my eyes. I don't say much but I stop him and assure him, that I can take care of it, no problem.

So next I ask him if he would like free samples (Its mandatory ok, I wasn't treating him special). I look over around the corner at the girls and I say, "three of them, right?" He looks over once and back at me, pausing... "yes." His attention and body direction never really turns away toward the kids. They come up to get their samples. I was feeling very friendly and handed it to them personally. Parents almost always turn away from me, and hand them to their kids. This guy let me do it myself and mostly kept watching my interactions with them. By now I have already gotten him the dozen he told me he planned on. So I ask him, "Would you like to get more, we have the hot glazed ones coming off now?"

He thinks for half a second. "O-oh okay... Yeah I'm bringing them to several kids so I'm sure they'll eat them all up anyway."

How cute, he's making excuses to accept my offer. "Little kids? Of course they will!"

So at the register the chit chat continues. He tells me about where he's from (it was hard to hear since I was so focused on his very animate expressions) and how he is taking the girls over to his friend and his friend's wife's house (He specifically says, "my friend and his wife"...he on the other hand had no wife with him by the way) so they can play with their kids. He looks down at his wallet to pull out punch cards. He pauses, his eyebrows furl in concentration. "Wait. How long have you worked here?"

"Almost a year."

"Oh... Wow." In his hand he was holding four different punch cards. Each with multiple stamps in it...

After we finish I hand him is bag, and he thanks me repeatedly and gets wordy again... taking his sweet time to leave. They walk away to the other end of the store. I am busy taking care of customers or just doing things that need to be done. I notice in the corner of my eye that he is slowly heading back to the front near the counter kind of at the same time that I am moving that direction again. He waits at the corner, still occasionally watching me. Me being stupid, I stay away even though I seriously want to go ask if he needs anything. There is this spot that customers always stand in when they want you to approach them. Always. He was there. But as a couple minutes go by, I still stay away. My workmate asks him if he needs anything else, the man says no. And glances my way again. I continue to stay away and after another 15 seconds or so, he turns and slowly leaves the store.

My workmate then says through the headset, "Dude. I think he was gay. He seemed pretty interested in you."

"He had those 3 girls. He's not." I'm lying. I am pretty sure they weren't his biologically at least. He wasn't fatherly with them anyway. Just like caretaker-ish. Like a nanny or an uncle.

My workmate looks at me, raising his eyebrow. "You sure? Did you ask?"

"He said they were HIS." My workmate catches the hint. He leaves it be.
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As soon as he left I regretted the fact that I ignored him. It wasn't to be rude. I was honestly scared for so many reasons. Just how he moved, looked, and paused and how he responded to my workmate... I had the nagging feeling he wanted me to come over. He just seemed like he was standing there contemplating what to do and say. Like when you want to take a chance but something holds you back.

Maybe it is all in my mind. But this is one of those instances where my whole body was screaming it. I constantly second guess myself but in this case I overwhelmingly believe that I read things right. It is one of those "what if?" situations. Had I gone over there, would have have asked my number? Who knows. It is a little late for that.

For those reading, what would you have done? Would it have been weird for me have made a move? The only positive is he is no doubt a regular customer. So if he comes back... I don't know what I'd do. He just was so nice and genuine and interested. I know you shouldn't judge based on first impressions but this guy seemed like a real, honest person.

 

I would BET MY LIFE that guy was gay!

I feel like an idiot because I probably would have been more open to talking to the guy had my coworker not been watching. I am not out to that coworker and he always asks about girls. I then lie or very reluctantly answer or change subjects... He's mormon. I was seriously on the edge of just blurting out something like, "are you gay?" and seeing where that goes. But I let other people hold me back. Grrrr.

And what is more ridiculous is I'm pretty sure after seeing how bright and happy I was around that guy, my coworker figured I was attracted to the guy because he suddenly was asking about why I don't have a girlfriend. And yet I still feel the need to pretend I am straight. Ugh. I don't even do a great job of it.

 

I hope! I tried to play it cool but I was a fumbling idiot just like that guy too. I was seriously in LA LA land for an hour after he left. I need to pick up more shifts so I can make sure I'm there next time he comes!

I think I will seriously make it my goal, no my necessity to find the truth next time we meet.

 

I couldn't guess his age well. He looked anywhere between 27-35. Young face though. But yeah that was my first thoughts... "Cute but too oldddd." I think it could work. Maybe.

 

He better come back! Well I'm sure he will but I personally hope he comes back on a weekend afternoon/evening when I'm there!

And I don't know that I gave him "the look" but I tried to seem... interested. LOL I don't know how to do this stuff!!! I was nervous talking to him and self conscious about the fact that we were being observed. But after he left the counter and then came back and waited and watched I stayed away because I was afraid he'd like ask for my number while my coworker watched. I'm a dork. Most likely that wasn't even gonna happen.

Please be a next time!