Ok well for the most part my life has been going pretty good lately. Finally got a job, my mom and step-dad have finally learned how to get along with me, and I even finally got another computer (though that has nothing to do with this). But the one thing that I still feel down about and constantly gets to me is my love life. I'm still single even after almost two years of being out of the closet. I do nothing at all to hide my sexuality anymore and while it feels damn good to finally be able to act the same in front of my friends AND my family, I hate the fact that everyone seems to assume I'm straight on first sight and I'm guessing that's leading to me having much less chances of meeting someone. Everyone that I know and went to school with have all gotten boyfriends and I am literally the only single one left. Even my closest friend who constantly used to feel bad for being slightly overweight (my friend is a girl btw) has found a boyfriend. So then what on earth is the problem with me? I know I'm not exactly a model but I don't consider myself ugly or anything. I mean (not meaning to brag at all) if I walk outside or across the street with my shirt off I'm used to getting honked at or whistles etc but I just can't figure out why I can't seem to find a relationship. Every guy I've met until now has either led me on or only wanted sex and I want more than just sex. And the one guy that I've grown feelings for that I feel could possibly grow into more than us just being friends is the biggest flake on earth. And by that I mean it's gotten to the point where I just recently saw him for the first time in 10 months and even now any time we make plans to hang out, I always just ignore it and make other plans as well because I know there's only a .01 chance of him showing up. Even with that, I've never had a guy hit on me in person. Everyone I've met before now has been through online talking first then meeting in person. That could contribute a little to my bad luck but even then I feel like there's more to it. Idk, I just really wish I could meet a decent guy that isn't going to just want sex from me and is actually interested in me besides for what's in my pants. And I don't want a relationship just for the "title" or whatever, I want one because I feel/know that I'm ready for one and to finally share myself with someone else on an intimate level that doesn't revolve around us rolling in bed together. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against having sex or anything, but I want more than just that. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and have someone call/text me to say good morning or be able have someone brighten my day just by seeing them yet no one I've met seems to want anything close to that. My job doesn't exactly help either. I work as a cashier at a Walmart and constantly see couples pass through my line and I can't help but almost envy what they have. Well there's the end of my rant. I just finally wanted to get that out somewhere besides my journal where I could get a response besides the one I've gotten from my friends which is always "You'll meet someone eventually " Thanks for any input on it.
Oh something else I'm curious about: For everyone out there that's partnered/dating/even had a bf/gf before, how did you two meet and/or first begin dating?
It's the most inane thing to say in response, but try not to worry too much - not because "you'll meet someone eventually," but because relationship statuses are always up and down. Sooner or later you'll be with someone and one of those friends you're jealous of will have had their heart broken. So don't be jealous, especially if you don't want to be with one of them, because your really never know what the inside story is (don't even get me started on the couples in Wal-Mart). And forgive me for saying it, but it also seems like you're investing in the wrong things. From the way your post is worded, it sounds like you can't understand how being honked at while walking down the street doesn't at least coincide with people wanting to date you, while you're surprised that the overweight friend you used to feel bad for has found someone. But beyond initial attraction, these things have very little - in fact almost nothing - to do with having a good relationship with someone. For that matter, I wouldn't date a skinny guy to save my life - it may just be the case that your friend's significant other totally loves the way she looks! Someone out there thinks you're the hottest thing they've seen in ages, sure, but that's only a foot in the door. The rest has to do with other things. As an example: I've been in two ltrs in my life. One started when I was taking a class with the other guy - we were both majoring in the subject, and our professor got us in touch because we each had questions about something the other had studied. Lasted eight years. I met the second online, but we hadn't even seen a picture of each other before we met in person - we knew we were vaguely each other's types, but other than that our biggest interaction was spending five hours on the phone together the first time we talked, covering everything from kinds of food we liked to eat to careers we were interested in to how we dealt with being out in public, with family, etc., and everything in between. Moral of the story: in neither case did it begin with "wow, that guy's hot!"
That is a lot of reading for me at 6:30am.. lol. I can give feedback on the 'how you met' thing; I met my ex because he was my neighbor, and became his friend first; I think friendships before relationships are more common in the gay world unless you met specifically for romantic intentions.
I didn't mean it to come off as me thinking relationships are always based on physical attraction, I know they aren't. I just can't see why I haven't been able to find anyone wanting a relationship yet and that was one of the many things on my checklist that I crossed off. I have yet to even make any close gay friends. The two gay guys that I know live miles away and we don't talk much. I just wish there were some way of making myself stand out more. There aren't any normal hangout spots for gay guys/girls anywhere near where I live that I know of and other than that or wearing something with a rainbow on it, I'm stuck on how to move further.
As a person that just got out of a disappointing end to my first meaningful relationship, all I can tell you is do not rush it. The idea of being in a relationship with someone is exciting, but once adversity arises, depending on how you both handle it, it could leave you feeling a hurt you never knew you could feel. You will eventually find a person and you both will hit it off, but when you do, please take your time because I don't want you or anyone to go through what I'm feeling right now.
Fair enough. But the only answer, really, is time and putting yourself out there. Sometimes it happens right away, sometimes it takes forever, but if you're looking, chances are it will happen eventually. Not to say that "eventually" isn't a painful concept, but there it is.
I don't really have much advice, since I've never been in a relationship like that, but I would like to say: 1) You'll find someone =] maybe find an LGBT group somewhere and make some more friends. 2) By coming out, you're starting to have the same problems straight people have. I dunno, I might be off my rocker, but it seems kind of neat to even be able to be worried about that sort of stuff, because it's just like everyone else.
"Eventually" seems to be a very painful concept for me. I've tried everything I can think of the put myself out there besides doing something as bold as wearing something to just represent being gay. The LGBT group at my school is small and doesn't really do much, and on top of that I'm not even technically taking classes (just a gym class to be enrolled as a repeating student next year) to be there and check in with the group often. And to make matters worse/prove my point even more, two co-workers and I were having lunch and after one made a joke about gay people after I pointed out my male co-worker with us checking out a hot girl she was shocked to the point for a while after she didn't believe I was gay saying she never would've guessed I'm gay. I sometimes just really hate that I come off as straight for whatever reason people see.
Well, maybe you might try wearing something overt then. I know that whenever I see a guy wearing something to indicate that he's gay it catches my attention. It doesn't have to be a big rainbow shirt that says "Recruiter" or something, it could be pretty understated. I tend not to come off as overtly gay either, so for a while now I've worn one of those stainless steel rainbow rings. It's sort of muted, but obvious for anyone who cares to look. Something like that might be a nice "in" for people.
Never seen/heard mention of a rainbow ring before. Where might I buy one? And by overt were you referring to just the ring or is there anything else that might make me stand out?
Well I'm not sure what we're allowed to post here, but if you search for "stainless steel pride ring" on amazon, a bunch of different things will come up. A company called "My pride jewelry" makes some pretty decent but affordable stuff - I've had mine for a year and it's held up great. There are lots of other things - you might get a little hemp bracelet, necklace/pendant, wristband, earrings if you can wear them (though something on your face is sort of, well, "in-your-face," unless that's what you're going for), and so on. Probably more than I'm aware of. Search around and see what you find.
Will do I think maybe I'll go with the ring. A necklace for me seems like a really bold first move and I'd rather keep my current earring. I hope this gets me noticed a bit more.
I got one too there very sutle for people who don't know what it is but for people who do, you get noticed
Hi there, I thought I'd offer my story of something that's happened to me recently, not to boast, just to show how quickly and unexpectedly things can change. I've been out for over a year and a half, most people assume I'm straight, I've tried internet dating but never really got anywhere and was the only single one left in my circle of friends, I've been despairing, feeling rather depressed and wondering what's wrong with me, so I can definitely empathise with your situation. However, I recently got a part time job at a theatre, and during my very first shift I got asked if I wanted to go along to the local gay bar with some of the people who were doing a show there. At first I wasn't going to go as I was really nervous (hands shaking) but I took a chance and went along and hit it off with one of the guys and now we've started dating. It's only been a little over a week so early days yet but it definitely seems to be going well. The point I'm trying to make is that something may happen totally without warning to change your situation in an instant, so don't give up hope and try to stay positive, as you never know what might happen! Good luck
Sorry to bump this thread up if it's against the rules here but been busy working and forgot to check back here. Thanks for that little bit of hope SFSorrow. I'm just wondering how long will I have to wait before I finally meet someone interested in dating and not just sex. Also for Laura and Gravity (or anyone else out there who wears anything to be a bit more revealing about their sexuality) about how would you rate your increase in getting people who notice that you're gay/possible try flirting while wearing something like that compared to before you started?
The hardest thing when you feel like your not getting anywhere is just to try and stay positive and keep going, but if you do you will reap the rewards in the end. These things do tend to happen when you least expect it, my advice would be to go out and about, maybe start a new hobby or join a new group and go without expectation of meeting a new potential relationship but go with the outlook of making friends this way you are more likely to be successful. If you go out with your sole intention of finding another half sometimes people can come across wrong and you end up giving off the wrong impression.
