Okay, this is pretty embarrassing for me. I actually almost put it on the anonymous forum, but I have learned (largely from the people here on EC) how to not give a crap about being embarrassed (plus, none of you actually knows who I am, so it's anonymous anyway). First off, I want to know if I'm still technically a virgin. The closest thing I've ever had to having sex was being fingered by a girl. Does that count as losing my virginity? Secondly, I am sexually attracted to guys, and I have a guy friend with whom I do some stuff because we're both single but neither of us want to be in a romantic relationship right now (certainly not with each other). I thought that the only problem with our arrangement was that he wants sex and I don't. Actually, no, that's a lie and a half; it would be more accurate to say that he wants sex with a girl and so do I. I just have no interest in having sex with a guy (and, truth be told, penises totally freak me out :icon_eek. However, I have realized that there is potentially another problem: when I use a tampon (just bear with me for a sec) that's bigger than the "regular" size, it causes severe discomfort (if I use size "super"), or even pain (if I use size "super plus"). Penises are generally bigger around than a regular sized tampon, yes? Do you see the problem? Because I do. My question is, does that mean that sex with a guy would be painful for me, too? Sorry this is pretty awkward to read. If it makes you feel any better, it was pretty awkward to type.
Ill try and answer a few bits of this First im not too sure on definitions of loosing virginity, so pass on that. As to would having sex with a guy be painful? Well the first time can be. However dont be afraid that issues with tampons would neccessarily make that the case. Relaxation is the key ingredient to making it work, so dont stress about it, also if you dont want sex with a guy, then dont have sex with a guy. Only do what you want to do Hope that helps a little bit.
Sex always hurts the first few times. On a side note a super sized tampon is nothing like a dick or having sex with a man. When you have sex your moving and thrusting- which causes pleasure. A tampon just sits there- which would be uncomfertable if it is to big for you.
...It was even more uncomfortable when it was moving...when I was putting it in or taking it out, I mean... Does that make a difference or change anything?
I am not a doctor, but you might want to look up vaginismus, which is a painful spasmodic contraction of the vagina in response to physical contact or pressure (esp. in sexual intercourse). (Thanks Google). For the longest time, I couldn't even wear junior sized tampons due to the pain. Thankfully, I managed to treat it by... eer... desensitizing the vaginal muscles myself, and now I can use regular tampons without any trouble. Hope that helps some
your vagina behaves and feels very differently when you're sexually aroused. It expands, for one thing.
What Jim said, in respone to your question. The penis also has a different feel to it. Like I hate fingers, I find it uncomfertable but the actual thing doesn't bug me. Its just experimenting with what you and your body likes. You may want to look into what Chimera said as well.
I definitely don't have vaginismus, i actually went to see my doctor a few days ago (before I made the original post) and she brought that up, too, when I described the issue to her. But she ruled it out, eventually. She said that I'm just tight down there. And what about the virginity question?
Well, first off, penises are gross imo too, so y'know. I don't know about the sex thing in terms of physics - but if you don't want to have sex with him, don't. You don't owe him it!
Well when you do have sex with a guy, you will (most likely, if he's doing stuff right) be wet, and there will be lube. The first time I had sex with a man it was painful at first but that eased away after a bit. And then it just got awkward. (I'm sure that won't be the case with you though, hah) And tampons hurt me too, still, because vaginas are usually dry and tampons are cloth, were as a penis is smoother. You shouldn't worry too much, just make sure there's tons of lube
Agree's with julia. I know girls produce their own lube, but sometimes it isn't enough. I remember telling my gf befor she lost her virginity that she will probably end up wanting lube (she is a very small girl) and she just laughed and said she made it herself. No - sometimes it isn't enough, now she is a proud owner of it haha. Also you were officially being penitrated, so i would say yes - you lost it. Though to me fingering isn't as personal as other actions...So its a very small yes in my books.
May I ask what "other actions" you are referring to? I'm not trying to be creepy or awkward, but when it comes to all things sexual, I'm basically an idiot. I know nothing.
Ahh Well thats a tuff one, considering the fingering was a lesbian act - so I don't know to much about that form of love making. I would reckon oral would be more of a personal act. I would say strap on but that is in a way like fingering, just the girl would be thrusting and the dildo would feel differently. Don't get me wrong, pretty much everything done with a sexual partner is going to be personal, just some things more than others.
In my opinion, fingering isn't loss of virginity. In female-female relationships, oral sex or direct genital-genital contact is enough - vaginal/anal for male-male or male-female. Virginity can only be lost in an act which can't be done to yourself in my opinion. As fingering can be done to yourself, it doesn't count. But that's my personal definition. In terms of sex, from what I've heard, the first time for a woman can be a bit painful. But fear not, the vagina was designed to open up and make sex less painful when one loses their virginity.
