I'm venting. Don't really have any specific questions, I just needed somewhere to type where someone else would see. ._. I'm feelin' kinda down, kinda lonely I guess. A couple of my housemates and a lot of other friends have moved out for the summer as of today. I get to stay for the summer (which I'd prefer; I don't want to be home), but I already miss them. I don't know. There's a couple of other people here (less close, but still friends) that I can and will hang out with. But a lot of the close friends are already gone and won't be seen for the next 4 months. I know relatively to everything that's a short time, but it feels like forever. Compared to this time last year, when I was still completely closeted and would be telling my first person in a month well... the summer was pretty much a major time for sorting out my life. Now I feel like I don't have any of those friends (especially the ones I actually really talked with about stuff) around to bounce ideas off of. I think what's eating at me is the one girl isn't living in the city anymore, so she has no need to come down really besides to visit us, which isn't exactly a priority. The other guy got a scholarship and he's going out of the country for the summer, so he's pretty inaccessible as well. Those were the two who were really awesome with my problems, the ones who put up with my worrying, the ones who'd give me hugs when I was feeling bummed. Pure awesome friends through and through. I think I'm just worried. I made so much progress over the last year (starting with the summer) that I can't even fathom it... the last thing I want to happen is for the progress to stop (or worse, revert somehow) because my "resources" are gone, and consequently I predict I might bottle up a bit. And of course, they're fun to have around; I'm gonna miss that. :/
Awww. D: It's gonna be alright~ 4 monthes, though it may seem like a long time, is gonna go by rather quickly. Yoi'll see them in no time, I promise! ... need a hug? (>'u')>
I think you need a hug. (>'u')> These 4 months will go by fast and they'll be back before you know it. If you ever need to talk....I'd be happy to talk with you.
Hopefully you'll be able find something to occupy your time while they're gone. It won't take away all the loneliness, but at least it'll make the time pass by more quickly. Meanwhile, there's always EC if you need someone to talk to. Glad to hear that you have such an amazing bunch of friends, though.
Yeah, I do need to find something to do this summer outside of classes and work, 'cause last summer it was hanging out with the aforementioned guy (which coincidentally is probably why we're so close). That's another thing I've really been noticing lately; obviously all the "being closeted" stuff is stressful, but I can only seem to put it aside if I'm actively distracted. As soon as I get bored, my mind wanders back to it and I feel well, depressed I guess. And I really don't want to be in a funk for the next four months. I'm happy but sad, because I'm sad, because they're gone. I guess I never really thought that I'd actually get close enough to people in this lifetime to actually miss them to this extent when they aren't here anymore. I suppose that's a good thing. Shows how far I've come, personally. And thanks guys for listening. And the hugs (now if only I could find one IRL...). (*hug*)
In case anyone cares, I think I finally have good news. I was talking with the girl who's staying and basically outright checked with her that my talking about gay stuff and my problems isn't awkward, and she says she's fine with it. So maybe all hope of a support system isn't lost. I still miss them, but at least I feel less "alone" now. Thanks again guys. (*hug*)
I'm so glad that your friend has made herself so available to you! I know that you will do fine. To give some perspective, I faced a similar situation when I was in college, but didn't deal with it as bravely as you. I was living alone over the summer, but rather than look for encouragement in friends, I pulled into myself and became severely agoraphobic (this was also before I came out). To give you an idea, even when a door to door salesman knocked on my door, I was overcome with fear. I didn't even answer the door and simply waited until he left. Even walking 40 feet to get the mail was an ordeal for me. I lived a life filled with fear, and because of that, I lost every friend that I had gained. It got to a point where I considered... well... not living anymore. But fortunately, I found a counselor that helped me turn my life around, and I am the happiest I've been in years (This particular summer was 4 years ago). I don't mean to be a downer, but I just want you to know that you're not alone, and that you are coping remarkably well. You have the resources and ability to make it through anything, just know that a negative present doesn't necessarily extend into the future. Good luck!
