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Going to a gay club alone

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Luiensz, Apr 22, 2012.

  1. Luiensz

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    Ok here is the thing. I'm not fully out yet, but I'm planing on doing it. I'm really happy to say that
    In the past 6 months, i told a cople of people I'm gay. I don't have any gay friends to
    To hang out. I really want to meet more gay guys,
    I was wondering if going to a gay club alone is a good idea? I never been to one so I don't know what to
    Expect. I been to straigth clubs with my girl friends and I love music and dancing.
    I think I would feel awkward just standing there staring at people dance. I know that alcohol makes
    Everything better, but I can't drink when I'm planing to drive back home, since the closest gay club is an hour away from where I live.
    So what do you guys think? Should I go alone? I don't feel rigth taking straight friends with me.
     
  2. nooneknows

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    when u figure that out could u let me know ?! i've been thinking of doing the same thing but i'm scared to attend a any bar alone...
     
  3. Luiensz

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    I think i'm going to do it this coming weekend. But im not going to lye, im a little scared. Im not sure what I will do once i get inside! :frowning2:
    For sure i will let you know how it goes.
     
  4. Beertruck

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    There's absolutely nothing wrong with it - going to the gay bar by yourself (or the gay club, or the gay trivia night, or the gay volleyball league, or the gay whatever activity you enjoy) is something that I think we all have to go through at some point. Even if you have the world's most supportive friends, when you want to become part of the local gay community they can't be holding your hand!

    That being said, since your "local" gay club is about an hour away and you have to drive, that does complicate things. But here's the thing - all clubs are essentially bars. Find a good cozy place to sit; make friends with the bartender; start talking with the people around you. In this case, actually the driving thing works in your advantage, as you can't get drink so much that some creep can take advantage of you.

    So I would say yeah, go for it. Have fun! Have to jump from the nest some time.
     
  5. nooneknows

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    Good Advice above : ] Good Luck and let us know how it goes
     
  6. socalguitarguy

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    I went to my first gay bar when I was out of town on a business trip. I walked in (after pacing back and forth nervously outside for a bit) and ordered a drink. I spent the whole time nursing my drink and just checking out the atmosphere. It wasn't bad at all. I even went back the second night. That night I chatted a little bit with a couple guys.

    I always have a hard time striking up random conversations in bars. For me, the best way I've found to make gay friends has actually been online dating. A couple of the guys I've gone out with have become friends and I've hung out with them recently.
     
  7. Luiensz

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    Do you guys think that if i stand near the dance floor, will someone ask me to dance? because I would really want to go and dance with someone.
     
  8. sepphhyy

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    If your straight friends are comfortable enough to go with you, then you should bring them. I'm kind of in the same boat right now, except I out to everyone I know. My best friend is straight and she can't wait to go to gay clubs and the gay pride parades this summer!

    But if your friends don't want to go, then think about taking a cab to the club. Alcohol will definitely make it easier for you to meet people.

    Hope this helps!

    Sepphhyy
     
  9. Dalmatian

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    Ah lol, same thing :grin:

    I was on a business trip and my hotel had a gay guide for which I had to return to the lobby after check-in so that my colleague doesn't see :slight_smile: I went to where this sorta club was and I passed it like three times. Than I sat into a "normal" bar in vicinity to stop my heart pumping so hard. Then I went for it again and couldn't enter, so I sat on a bench in a nearby park. I texted a friend saying how I need help, he said "shut up and enter", so I got back and entered. I just sat there and drank my beer, nothing more, but seeing a group of happy gay people (is "happy gay" a pleonasm?) and a couple of people at the bar just talking and smiling, it was nice. Then a very flamboyant waiter came back with a drink and when returning some money to me he did it with just a little too much touch :slight_smile: And it felt great actually :grin:

    So yeah.. my advice, just go there and have a drink (non alcoholic). Sit and relax, drink and look around, for the first time you don't have to expect too much of yourself. If it so happens that you feel ok and start dancing, great, but if it feels awkward, that's fine too; you can always go another time. The second time I went to the same club as above I did feel some awkwardness, but I entered straight away :slight_smile: The third time I was in a gay bar/club/anything I ended up talking to a barman and one other guy at the bar and it was really nice. So, yeah.. make the first visit stress free by not expecting too much.

    And report back :slight_smile:
     
  10. insidehappy

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    yea, go you will be fine. taking a taxi and hour away seems very expensive. just drive and dont drink. you dont need the booze anyways.

    go in and have fun. walk around, check out the scene. get a non alcoholic drink and just watch people. if you are cute, people will walk past you and and stare at you as they walk away and continue to stare. if you are more passive than you are assertive, you will have to wait for someone to come and talk to you. if you are assertive, then if you see someone that you like that also seems to like you, speak to them and say hi. most people fear rejection so just go up to someone that is obviously checking you out or smiling. if yoiu are near the dancefloor people may not ask you to dance because again, many guys are passive and fear rejection. however, there are some assertive ones that will ask you to dance or come over and talk to you if they like you. my advice to you is to smile and look friendly and approachable.

    you may actually do better going solo. if you go with friends that are straight they may not feel comfortable and may say things that make you also feel weird. if you go with a girl, guys may think that is your girlfriend or even if they; dont, they may be too scared to come over and talk to you with her around.

    you can move to the beat of the music by the dancefloor if you want. no problem. strike up convo with people that look friendly. you can say hi and if they talk back, then so be it.

    it will be fine.
     
  11. RedState

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    It's not that bad or scary.
    I go to gay bars alone sometimes....but I don't ever leave alone :slight_smile:
     
  12. mikeboy

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    I'm not out at all but last Friday I decided to go to a gay nightclub for my first time. I went in, sat down and ordered a drink. Immediately I noticed how friendly everyone is. I began talking to folks beside me and the bartender was kind too. After a while I got really comfortable and this cute guy came to the bar and it seems like everyone knew him. We chatted and one thing led to another, we ended up dancing all night until things got really frisky...

    Later on that night I got invited to a beach fire, a hot tub party, and a threesome with 2 hot guys. I had a blast going for my first time, wasn't expecting anything but so much had happened I still can't get my mind around it. My advice is just have fun.
     
  13. greatwhale

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    I related in another post about a recent visit to a gay bar, there was dancing, so I danced alone, didn't bother me and I loved it.

    I did notice a guy walking by me and staring at me, he kind of circled twice...but I sensed that he felt shy about approaching me. If I had been interested in him I would have smiled and bowed my head a bit, as if to acknowledge his stare. But I didn't as he did not attract me.

    The smile part is important, and it does make a connection. I intend to return a few times, if only to become a kind of "irregular-regular" :grin:
     
  14. Wildwings

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    I was under the wrong impression at first and thats what held me back going to one alone. but i decided to go to one last week and it was not as bad experience as I thought it would be going alone there always someone around who will talk to you especially if they see you there alone there more then likely others there alone as well as you. One thing I will say is if your driving don't go drinking like others said you don't need to drink to have fun, but if you wish to drink you may have to take a taxi which will cost more.