Hello! I've been browsing this forum for a little while now, but I just signed up today. I came out to my close friends over this past February, and they've all been very supportive. There's been two or three smaller "scares" about leaks, but they've turned out fine. I've only told a few others since then, because I want to prepare for telling my parents. Today hit me pretty hard though. I found out that a staff member at my old high school who knows about me heard another staff member gossiping about me today. She came up to the lady who knows and said, "Guess who came out of the closet recently?" The lady who knows didn't let on that she already knew, but she did find out that there were girls I've graduated with who were talking about me coming out at some sort of tournament last weekend. The problem is I haven't told any girls from my class, except for one, and she definitely has nothing to do with it. The worst part is that my Mom works at the school. I thought that she would have heard about it. So, I made a point of coming home for supper just in case, because I expected to be asked about it and wanted to get it over with. But when I arrived, both of my parents didn't mention anything, and I didn't pick up any awkwardness vibes at all. It appears that they haven't heard yet, but I have no idea how long it might be until she does hear something about it from the other staff members. And while I was going to say something tonight, because I thought I was fortunate that they really haven't found out apart from me telling them, I can't work up the nerve. I'm definitely not as ready to tell them as I thought I might be, even a couple of days ago. Has anyone faced a similar situation? What did you do? I've been making a point of containing this secret until I could tell my parents, because I want to tell them myself. But now that the day of reckoning seems to be pretty near, I'm stuck in a dilemma. :bang:
Firstly, welcome to EC You still can tell your parents yourself. I can't imagine anybody would approach your mom and say "So your son is gay? Kewl." So don't stress about her finding out. You also can still take your time telling your parents. If you aren't ready, don't tell them. Simple as that. You can't be forced out of the closet, you can come out when you are prepared to. I know it's easier said then done - but it's the truth. I think the main reason you feel so unprepared is because "the day of reckoning" is coming close, so you're getting nervous. It's fine and normal Good luck! x
Ya I though I was ready and willing the night I came out but I just told myself its now or never and I blurted it out b4 I changed my mind its been great!
I really do want to keep waiting, but I also live in a smaller town. I think there's a different sort of dynamic for how word spreads around.
I'm hesitant to say the wrong thing, but I'm just throwing options out there. Do you think you have the courage to just blurt it out? Maybe it's time for them to know. Maybe, even if your mom found out, she wouldn't confront you about it - again, you can still come out to her. Possibly?
I almost did when we finished supper. My analytical mind always gets in the way, though. For some reason, I'd rather tell them when they don't have to go to work or anything and pretend like they haven't been absolutely shocked or whatever the night before. But yeah, a couple of my straight guy friends keep telling me that I should consider telling them fairly soon if I want to tell them myself.
It's a realistic thing to consider, unfortunately, that you might need to tell them soon. Maybe tell them Friday? That gives you the week to get ready, them to (probably not) find anything out, and then you all have the weekend to get used to your coming out.
Not a terrible idea. Although each day will be a gamble, I think. I'm busy with the last parts of school for the rest of this week, including the weekend. This is all just extremely poorly timed.
If there is a real chance/risk that they will find out from other means, then you should probably tell them yourself. I know my parents would be more upset if they found out from gossip than from me. Good luck!!
Well if the idea of telling both your parents at the same time is daunting to you (as it was for me) you could consider telling them one at a time. Also I think it would be best to tell them before someone else does. If you could put yourself in their shoes, it would be a little tough to hear about something so personal from some random person at work instead of from the person himself. Though obviously I know that keeping it a secret from your parents does not mean you don't trust them or don't want them to know, they might not immediately realize your perspective on the situation.
Thanks everyone! I just told them. My one straight friend kept nudging me to do it. They were really, really chill about it. I'm not even sure what I was so afraid of anymore. @sguyc: I consciously decided to tell them together, rather than separately. I was raised as an only child, so whenever I've talked about personal things, it was always as a family unit. Plus, I didn't want to feel (myself) like I had chosen one to tell "before" the other. It just seemed more comfortable.
Congrats on coming out to them! I'm sure it was hard, but my guess is your mom may have already suspected or known. Schools, particularly teachers and staff, are *incredibly* gossipy, so she may have already had time to process and think about it. But at the end of the day... now you're out to them! And you'll find it easier to continue to come out to others and eventually it will just become one piece of who you are rather than a dominant theme.
