Discriminating teachers/principal?

That must suck! My school also does that. I see my friends getting in trouble everyday for being bisexual.

 

As I said before (since we're friends anyway), talk to the principal about this. 1. Your school is being homophobic and 2. If PDA really isn't allowed, they need to actually put it legitimately in the rules list.

My school is just like this... fine with straight couples kissing but blames it on "PDA" for gay couples holding hands... thinking about talking to the guidance counselor about it. -.-

 

I think it's kind of inappropriate for a principal to ask a student if they are bisexual. Did you talk to your family about it?

Also, that aside, PDA rule or not, you were being bullied. And what this principal is doing is letting people get away with it, by saying YOU broke a rule. I would probably talk to your family about it if you can.

 

Talk to your principal, if he dismisses it again and you are 100% sure without a doubt, then threaten to report the school for discrimination, it is completely out of order and should not be tolerrated, teachers are supposed to be educated about everything, including orientation.

 

I would be tempted to ignore this, but ignoring things is how absolutely nothing can be done to accomplish complete equality. Confront your principal about it first, then maybe go to the board with a well-written account of what has happened, including citations from the handbook about equality and bullying. Both would be necessary so you could argue the case that you were being harassed and, since there is nothing in the handbook about PDA, that you were also being discriminated against. A well-placed argument could get your principal a warning, and if it continues to happen, your principal may be fired.

You could also go back to your principal and state that you were being bullied because of a simple statement (they were laughing at you two after you mentioned your orientation). This should lead to consequences to the juniors in choir you mentioned.

 

What a jerk your principal is. They way it sounds, he was not all that enthusiastic about your sexuality.
Politely ask him to show you where the PDA rule is. If he can show it to you without fail, then so be it. If he CAN'T, then there's a good chance that he's discriminating.
If he wants to use the handbook against you, then use it back against him. In my planner, there is a sectin that says "no student nor faculty member may discriminate against any sex, race, religion, disorder, and sexual orentation". If he's making these claims and ignoring the fact that you were bullied/harassed, then he's not following the LAW. Definitely make sure to bring this up to your parents if it happens again. If it continues, he can get in some serious trouble.
Keep us updated!

Stay strong girl! *hug*

 

as i remember from high school, pda is NOT allowed at school (straight or gay). You are there to learn and not make out. You can kiss and make out outside of the school grounds. Now whether this is enforced or not and who they enforce it on is a different school. As I remember, simple hand holding was never "stopped" kissing and petting of course were quickly dealt with and broken up when found by administators.

you should have your parents call the school and speak with the principal to see why bullying is allowed at the school. he may say that the students were merely acting out to something they felt harrassed by seeing (PDA). however, in both cases each student should have received a warning. if you are out, turn it over to your parents to deal with. if you are not, stop the PDA at school and speak to your counselor about the fact that you are getting bullied at school for your bisexuality.

if the principal is a bigot, and since he likes to read notes, everytime you are bullied, make a note of it and the time and date, who was around when the bullying happened who saw what who said what, etc. give that to the principal and tell them that you want the otehr students to be warned about it too. of course this could cause problems with you and the girls and if they are crazy they could try adn come after your physically but you sound like you can hold your own. i personally would talk to my parents about it if were out which if you're pda'ing at school it sounds like you're out.

 

complain to some one in a higher possision then your principal.

 

Ugh. Emotionally, my instincts are to protect you and steer you away from harm. However, that would entail telling you to keep your head down, do what he says, tell yourself "It Gets Better", and just accept it.

...but that's the wrong thing to do. The truth of the matter is, throughout life we all face challenges and difficulties. There may come a time in your future where you face this type of situation again, except next time instead of it being a principle, it could be your boss or supervisor.

Also, since your out and open about your sexuality (at least according to your status), you're actually in a unique position to do something about it. I can't tell you how proud I am that you're brave enough to come out at such a young age; I envy you - I truly do. I'm turning thirty this year, and I'm literally just starting the process of coming out to everyone.

I know that somewhere in your school there is another LGBT youth who looks up to you and admires you for the courage you have. They're afraid. They aren't as brave as you. They know and see you being treated this way, and don't believe they can handle it.

Here is what you should do. First, you need to have a conversation with your mother. Don't delay in doing this. She NEEDS to know what happened. This is very important. Tell her about how the other kids treated you, tell her about you not doing anything wrong, tell her how you feel singled out. Bring the handbook with you when you talk to your mother.

Together, with her, both of you look through the handbook in search for this PDA rule. If it's there, you're kinda screwed. You have to follow it. If it isn't there, then you have legit grounds for complaint.

Second, regardless of whether or not you find the rule, you need to tell your mother you're returning to the principle to discuss how you feel, and inform him about the people who were taunting you. She may be apprehensive about this, because her natural instincts will be to protect you from harm. If she is completely against it, ask her to go with you. Ask her to stand up for you. In all likelihood, unless she simply can't show up to work late or something, she's going to agree to that.

Third, you're going to want to take other people with you when you go to the principle. You're doing this to help you not feel intimidated by his authority, but also you want them there for witnesses for anything he says or does. This way when you walk out of the office it isn't a he said she said type of deal. You have other people who can back you up.

The first thing you're going to want to do is simply tell him that you want to talk about what happened the other day. Don't be hostile or start throwing around accusations.

Assuming there is no PDA rule in the book, simply tell your Principle that you spoke to your mother (assuming she isn't there with you), and that you both looked through the book together and couldn't find it. Ask for him to show it to you. If he finds it and shows it to you then that's fine. No big deal. If he can't find it - then it starts to become a big deal.

If he can't find it, then ask him directly why he told you it was in the handbook.

Whether or not he finds it, inform him that you weren't aware that it was against the rules to show simple displays of affection, and that you've seen heterosexual couples doing it. Tell him that you never heard of them getting into trouble. This might be where he gets kinda angry and defensive. He might even ask for your friends to leave.

Don't get defensive and don't argue back. Simply politely tell him that you'd prefer it if they stayed, and that you don't mind him saying whatever he wants to say in front of them as well. They are your witnesses. If they leave the room; leave the room with them.

Now, he might tell you that he does the same thing for straight couples, and that you weren't singled out. If he tells you that, you're going to have to take him at his word. He can't reveal specific instances of discipline he's handed out to other students to you - or at least he shouldn't. So it's pointless to ask. If he says that, take him at his word for now, and thank him for telling you - once again pointing out that you felt singled out, and that you didn't want to be singled out unfairly.

Assuming that the PDA rule is in book, and he tells you that it's being enforced equally - then you need to thank him and tell him that you intend to follow the rules. And yes, you have to follow the rules.

Before you leave, though, you're going to want to tell him about what happened the other day with the kids that were taunting you. They can't stop bullying if they don't know it's going on. Whether or not he takes any action is up in the air, but making sure he is informed and that other people witnessed you informing him is important.

Assuming you leave on a good note, and hopefully - if he's doing his job well and properly - he's treating you fairly by the rules, then you're going to leave his office feeling that you were dealt with fairly. You might not like the outcome (no more hand holding or kissing your girlfriend at school), but at least you can assume its fair. Also, if he's a hard-ass rule enforcer with a zero tolerance streak, he'll likely come down hard on bullying. So if you report it to him he'll handle it. That's important, especially if he's actively enforcing it. You'd not only be standing up for yourself, but speaking out for all the other LGBT youth at your school who are afraid to come forward.

However, let's assume that things don't go perfectly.

Well, I can tell you that you almost certainly don't have to worry about him insulting you directly and screaming at you. The worst case scenario that you'd likely imagine - isn't going to happen.

If he insults you, it's going to be indirectly. If he threatens you, it's going to be implied rather than openly stated.

The reason I want you to inform him that you told your mother, and for you to actually do it, is because one threat he might try and use against you is something like: "Well, I guess I'll just have to talk to your mother." The implied threat here, on his end, is that he's going to out you to your parents. Since you're already out, and you've already spoken to your mother, if something like this were to happen - simply smile. Then tell him, "That's fine. You can talk to her if you want, I don't have any problems with that. Like I said, we already discussed it, but if you feel you need to talk about it with her, I don't mind."

A type of insult that he might use against you, especially if you WERE targeted because you're in a relationship with a girl is something like: "That behavior isn't acceptable here." Basically, he's trying to intimidate you and insult you at the same time by telling you that being in a lesbian relationship isn't acceptable.

If he were to say something like that, your response should be something along the lines of, "What type of behavior, I don't understand, can you be specific?" The reason you want him to be specific is because of the witnesses you've gathered. They're going to hear him tell you that being a lesbian isn't acceptable, though in all likelihood he wont tell you that to your face.

Most likely, he's going to say something like: "That lifestyle is unacceptable here at school." Lifestyle, of course, being a code word for being in a relationship with a girl. Your counter to that should be, "Are you saying being a lesbian or bisexual is unacceptable here at school?"

You want to draw him out and force him to be specific for the benefit of the witnesses you've gathered.

No matter what he says, no matter how hostile he gets, don't argue back with him. Don't yell at him. Don't shout at him. Don't verbally attack him. Do not engage him in that manner. You don't have too; you have the upper hand. The minute he becomes belligerent, hostile, or insulting is the minute that you win. If your friends try and speak up to defend you, simply tell them to be quiet and let him finish. Sit silently and listen to him. When he is done, simply thank him for his time, tell him that he's made his point perfectly clear, and then leave.

Regardless of what happens you should go home and tell your mother. You ESPECIALLY need to tell her if he becomes hostile, belligerent, or insulting. If he becomes any of those things, there are actions that you can take to defend yourself.

You need to discuss with your mother the potential reality of talking to a lawyer. There are lawyers out there that will represent you for free; or will at least give you some free advice. You can contact the ACLU or Lambda Legal (Google them). The ACLU specializes in defending the civil rights of all Americans. Lambda Legal specializes in LGBT defense.

Talking to a lawyer doesn't mean you actually have to do anything. It doesn't mean you have to go to court, and it doesn't mean your Principle even has to find out. Talking to a lawyer, especially one who specializes in LGBT rights, will help you understand your options.

If you decide that you want a lawyers help (and it's okay to say no thanks!), it might take nothing more than a strongly worded letter to the school letting them know that their behavior is unacceptable. Basically, they're standing up to the bullies. They're going to worry about how things might look publicly, and potentially losing their jobs. In a lot of cases, that's enough for them to back off.

However, worst case scenario: things remain the same (the bullying and taunting continues, the Principle singles you out), or potentially they get worse. In either case, this is the main reason you've made contact with a legal group that can defend you. If things don't start getting better, you can let them know. You can keep them updated, and if necessary they can step in to defend you.

The whole point is to create a situation in which you can stand up for yourself and be protected and defended. If you are being singled out, if you're being intimidated, if you're being bullied - you don't have to take it. You can do something about it; though admittedly, yes - it's kinda scary, but you're not alone. And by standing up for yourself you'd help other people who can't.

You'd be helping the LGBT kid at your school who reports bullying to the principle, only to have the principle threaten to "tell his parents" - meaning he'd be outed, and thus has to suffer in silence.

And in the end, besides making your life slightly difficult temporarily, your Principle can't really do anything to you. Imagine being an adult, and having to put up with this from your boss or your supervisor. You could potentially lose your job, your health insurance, and with that so many other things. By comparison, your Principle is toothless with no power or authority to really do anything aside from make your life slightly difficult.

I understand that it is scary and intimidating. I don't want to encourage you to do something that you feel uncomfortable with doing. However, I believe it is important for your mother to know what is going on, and for the principle to know that she knows what is going on. You do not deserve to be mistreated, singled out, or intimidated.

If you don't think you can speak to your principle yourself, then you need to ask your mother to go with you and for her to do it. All of the same things above still apply if she does it.

If you do it yourself, and you think you might get upset and cry - that's okay! Just bring some tissues, and put them in your pocket before going in to meet with him. Then remember that you aren't there alone. You have your friends there to support you and back you up. Not being alone with him is very important for that reason, and discuss ahead of time with your friends about them not leaving if he asks. If he's going to try and bully you, the best way for him to do it is to get you alone. Don't give him that advantage, because if he does attempt to bully you it is very important that other people witness it.

I hope this helps. Ugh. I hate that you had to endure any of this, and I hope that he's on the up and up. I hope that you weren't singled out, and that he isn't a bigot.

E-hugs. I hope this helped you. (*hug*)

Don't let yourself be intimidated or bullied. You don't have to take it.