I find it difficult to talk to people and relate thoughts and ideas not centred around something academic or political (so, anything relating to the way i feel, essentially). As a result, i tend to clam up, which is bad. It's been suggested to me in the past that i can communicate my innermost feelings with people via writing if saying them is too hard. I guess my question is, is that likely to pigeon-hole me into that way of communicating forever? I want to get better with talking, and opening up to people, not rely on a quick-fix solution that doesn't address the main issues. Also i don't know if writing can ever provide the same level of communication and connection as talking face to face. And wouldn't most people find that weird and off-putting?
im alittle curious, but is that how you approach your friends also?? what about they way you talk to kids?
What is the problem, specifically? I can think of few reasons why writing would be better than talking, but I don't see why any of them would be applicable in long term. For example: 1. the interlocutor is difficult to talk to, constantly interrupts, ridicules or belittles your ideas. In writing, you are sure you will get to say everything you want to. 2. the subject is difficult for you and you are not sure if you will be able to go through all the points you have prepared. This is essentially the same as above, it's just that the person interrupting you are you yourself. 3. the subject baffles you at least so much that you can't follow a line of conversation or you keep second guessing yourself and changing what you are saying. In written form this would be deleting paragraphs, rearranging sentences and so on. Do you do that a lot? This one doesn't apply in long term because, hopefully, you will eventually get some answers on those baffling issues. 4. you are a perfectionist. You need to be able to approve 'publication' of your own thoughts because you need to be sure they can't be misunderstood or taken lightly or too dramatically and so on. When looked at closer, this is the same as 3 above. 5. You are just very shy. To this one, a question: do you find it difficult to talk to friends, family, children, strangers for example at a store, gas station, elevators,... ? What about internet? How much more difficult do you find chatting compared to forums like here?
No, I don't think that writing your feelings instead of speaking them will pigeonhole you. It's not at all uncommon for therapists to give their clients writing assignments, some people think better in the written word, and that can be used as a bridge into the spoken word. That said, a lot of people will find it offputting, but tbh, a lot of people find talking about emotion period to be offputting.
My friend and I started writing letters to each other when she was studying abroad, and even now that she's back we still write each other. Lately, I have been using letters a lot as I have been figuring out my exact feelings for her and the nature of our relationship. She actually prefers those conversations to happen in letters rather than out loud. I think that it gives me time to think though everything and to make sure that I am communicating what I mean clearly. If you want to use written communication, do it! I think it's just as legitimate as any other form of communication!
I think both methods have their own shortcomings. I've had incidences where what I thought was clearly written was completely misunderstood by the other person. I also had times when I was too emotional or scared to properly articulate my words through talking. For me, when I am particularly stressed for a potential face to face conversation. I write it out beforehand and it helps me get my thoughts in line. The biggest difficulty I find with writing as the form of communication is that you cannot see the reaction on the persons face. I like to see the emotions, reactions or cues for what I should talk about next or which parts I should clarify.
Using writing to express your feelings is absolutely not going to restrict you to communicating them only through the medium of pen on paper (or blogs and such) unless you let it. Like you, I am awkward at expressing my feelings through talking, so I prefer to write. That said, I do talk about my feelings to my friends, and I've gotten better at talking in general through doing so. Based on my personal experience, I believe that finding friends (you may already have some, or you could try to make some) who will hear you out without judging you is one of the best ways to become comfortable with talking about awkward topics like personal emotions.
