1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is there a possibility that I may be a lesbian?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Vanille, Apr 28, 2012.

  1. Vanille

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2012
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Georgia
    This is going to be really long but I have never told anyone this and I need to get it out, and maybe some advice too. Okay, all my life I thought I was completely heterosexual. I have had crushes on boys here and there, but not many. Most of my guy crushes have been little, there was only one crush I had on a guy that was serious. I never really thought about dating ever, even when I hit puberty. I thought to myself "maybe one day I'll take more interest in a guy enough to want to date him." But I never really did. Sometimes I thought i was just too picky. Since I was little, when I watched t.v. shows, movies, or played video games, I always got really excited about female characters or female actresses. I thought maybe I just I admired them a lot, but a part of me felt like I was attracted to them but I didn't think that could be true because that would mean I was a lesbian or at least bisexual I guess. Since about two years ago I have had an increasing attraction to women and that has been confusing me greatly. I had my first girl crush last summer and to be honest, that was the strongest crush I have ever had in my entire life by far. The others don't even compare. I constantly thought about her, I always looked around the room for her, caught myself staring at her often, and when she spoke to me, it was the greatest feeling ever. There wasn't enough time to talk to her often, but when I did i couldn't stop the nerves or the smiles. I wanted to be with her, I didn't just want her as a friend. When I thought about how I couldn't be with her because she was straight, it pained me inside. When I got back to school, ended up liking one of my friends(and i still like her now) but don't want to because that would just make things weird i think. Ever since that two years ago all I've been attracted to is women. I still think some guys are cute but that's about it. I don't think I can develop real feelings for a man, not enough to want to be with them. When I think about what it would be like to actually have sex with a guy or to even kiss them, i kind of don't enjoy the idea much. I feel like I would only like to do that with a girl. The only problem is, I've never done either with a guy or girl so I feel like how would I know for sure? The thing that is confusing me is, when I read about coming out stories, many of the people will say they've known they've been attracted to the same sex since they were little, but I didn't start feeling this until I was 15-16. If I was actually a lesbian, wouldn't I have felt this way sooner? I'm almost 19 years old and the feelings don't seem to be disappearing, they feel like they are getting stronger. Am I just bi-curious or what? Can someone please help because I don't know who else I can ask.
     
  2. Aldrick

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2012
    Messages:
    2,175
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Virginia
    Hey Vanille. Everyone is a little different. Some people realize their sexuality sooner than others; I realized mine rather early, but there are some who realize it much later. A big part of it, I think, is denial. When I was growing up I didn't know what being gay was or what people thought about it. So by the time I found out around age eleven I had already started to realize my feelings for other boys.

    But you pretty much described how I feel about men and women. I think women are pretty. Some might even be sexy, beautiful, and gorgeous. But those feelings are more feelings of admiration, not sexual. I don't have a desire to be with a woman sexually or romantically. A strong friendship, perhaps - no problem, but more than that? I don't think I could ever reciprocate.

    When I imagine myself with a man it's different. The feelings are much like you describe them. They're intense, they don't even compare to the friendship / admiration feelings I have for women. I desire men sexually, and I desire men romantically. A man who is sweet, kind, and charming with a great smile and beautiful eyes can make me swoon. He can make my heart skip a beat, make me feel flustered and self-conscious, and make me feel like - well... it's hard to describe, but I'm pretty sure you understand.

    Do I think you have same-sex romantic and sexual attractions to women? Yeah, I do. I base that answer on my own personal experience as outlined above. Whether you're lesbian or bi-sexual, that's something I can't answer. However, you describe how I feel so closely that it's difficult for me to imagine that you don't have the same feelings toward women that I do for men.

    It'll be okay, though. I promise. (*hug*)
     
  3. Mogget

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2010
    Messages:
    2,397
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    New England
    I didn't get strong feelings towards guys until I was twenty. I'd had minor crushes on girls throughout high schools and barely noticed boys. Sometimes these things take time to develop.
     
  4. Derpette

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2012
    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Osgiliath
    Heyy..I see that this is your first post here so welcome to EC! :slight_smile:
    Now let's get to your problem. I've read your post really carefully and I can tell you that I'm in pretty much same situation as you. I thought was straight all my life, I had a few male crushes (but actually only some celebrities, not boys in the real world) and till I was about 16 years old, I had no problems with my sexuality.
    Now I'm constantly thinking about the whole issue and I'm feeling the same way that you do. Yeah, guys are handsome, hot and so on. But when I imagine a relationship with some of them, it's just that I'm not sure that I would like to spend time with them...I guess I wouldn't even know what to do with a guy. He could be my friend and we could hang out and play pc games together but I guess that is not what a relationship is about :grin:
    Concerning any sexual activity...(I have no experiences with men or women) I can imagine sex with a guy, but honestly I feel nothing. Nothing that would excite me. And concerning the emotional thing...I find falling in love with a men almost impossible.
    Besides..I've fallen head over heels for some woman I can't ever have, and feel the same way about her as you described your last summer crush. I would do anything for her, I would wait every day and night behind her door just to give her a rose or just to see her.
    Well I've just read over what I've wrote here and it sounds pretty lesbian to me, but for some magic reason I'm still unsure :grin:

    But like Mogget said, sometimes it takes time to develop. Personally, for me it sounds like you're a lesbian, since you don't like the idea of being with man physically or emotionally and with women it seems to work out. The best advice would be don't think about it too much and some day you'll come to the right conclusion, but from my experiences that's really hard to do. Hope I've helped a little :slight_smile:
     
  5. Vanille

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2012
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Georgia
    Thank you all for the answers, it was more than I could hope for :slight_smile:
    Especially because I know I don't have the courage to ask any of my friends/family this (or to even talk to them about it). Hopefully, I can figure it out soon, my mom and friends keep asking me things like "Do you have a boyfriend?" or "Who do you like?" I feel like they might start getting suspicious if I keep saying "No" or "No one." Every time I'm asked that I always think to myself "hehe I don't think you want my honest answer about that yet..." If I do happen to only be into girls, I don't think I am ready to tell it to those I personally know just yet. I guess these things do take time.
     
  6. julia

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2012
    Messages:
    461
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    New York City
    You sound exactly like me, haha. I've only liked boys my whole life until recently. I, of course, think some men are attractive, but that's it. I just don't see myself dating or marrying a man. And definitely not being intimate with one. Been there, done that.
    I think you saying you only feel a connection with woman, sounds like you are a lesbian. But don't feel like you need to put a label on yourself just yet. Try thinking about being with a man romantically and sexually before ruling men out completely. If you ever have any questions or just want to talk my ears are open :slight_smile:
     
  7. Pret Allez

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    6,785
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    The thing is, I don't really think you have to do it with a guy and then do it with a girl to know if you're a lesbian or not. Your questioning sounds pretty much like you only really feel sexually and romantically passionate about women. So I think you're pretty strongly lesbian actually.

    I hope you find the woman of your dreams, and welcome to the forum, sister!
     
  8. Vanille

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2012
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Georgia
    Thank you Julia and Pret Allez, maybe I am leaning more towards women.

    When I think about how I felt about my prom there may be some indication in that too... I went with my guy friend and I had fun. I'm not known to go to school dances and I know most people there didn't expect me to dance but I did. The day after prom I was thinking back on how I was dancing and remembered how he was close behind me I got a bit weirded out at remembering that his "thing" was so close to me... I don't know if that was because I just see him as a friend and wasn't ready for how close we were dancing or if I was just weirded out how close "it" was to me. Not sure if that's even relevant but felt I should share it anyway. :confused:
     
  9. fireworks

    fireworks Guest

    Just wanted to say that I'm EXACTLY the same, except I guess it all happened younger. I came to the conclusion that I'm deffo a lesbian, but at the end of the day, it's what you feel comfortable identifying as :slight_smile: listen to the other posters coz they give less suckish advice than I do, hah, but don't worry about labeling yourself if you don't wanna. If you ask me, you sound lesbian, but relax, take your time, do what feels right :grin:
     
  10. addie88

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2011
    Messages:
    202
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    If I had to guess, based on what you've said so far, I'd say lesbian. BUT that totally doesn't mean anything. This stuff can be extremely complicated.

    Your story sounds really similar to mine...when I think back on it, I can remember instances when I acted and felt differently around certain girls, but didn't realize at the time that I had crushes on them. I wasn't really conscious of any attractions to women until my sophomore year of high school. And it was pretty much instigated by one girl. I was completely and utterly infatuated with her for about a year, and I just couldn't ignore the fact that I was anything but straight.

    So whatever you figure out about yourself, and whatever you decide to label yourself as, do what is comfortable for you. And it won't define you as a person. You are you. So try not to worry about it much (empty statement, we all worry about it) and just go with the flow. :slight_smile: