First of all know one does whats going on, and im sorry if this is long. I dont know if im looking for advice or just vent, but i need to get this off my chest. If i told my friends they would all tell me im stupid. First of in 2009 i came out to my friends and said i was Bi all my friends are straight and married. I went on a lesbian date site in may 2010 and met this girl, on there, we got chatting emailing each other everyday, month later i find out she has a boyfriend, she said please dont go give us a chance, she split up with her boyfriend and we started dating, The first time we made love was the most amazing night it was the first time for both of us being with a girl. I was in love, she told me she loved me about 2 months into us dating, i didnt coz i was scared, I told her about a month later i loved her. Sept 2010 she split with me coz we wasnt seeing alot of each other, we both had are own business. We started dating again coz we love each other and couldnt give it up, in January 2011 she told me she wants kids with a guy, she cant have kids with a girl. i was gutted but tried to be understanding. We split up but kept on seeing each other, being going to her's making love to her, or us just going out for a meal, we started dating again but then in july 2011 it was over again, again she said i cant hurt you i want kids, i love you with all my heart but i want kids. The same time she had just brought a house it was being built and she should had been moving in sept 2011, she moved into her ex spare room, and i was being really understanding and supportive. Since July 2011, we have acted like a couple going out for meals, walks in the park, going away for nights. The strange thing is i've never met her friends even though they know about me, and she has never met my friends even though i have arrange dates. Anyway Febuary this year, i find out she is dating her ex again, she says its been going on for 2 months, i then two weeks later go to her and her partners house and see engagment cards everywhere, i go to her your engage, she was shocked, when she told me she was dating her ex again she was achually engage. I then find out she has been on and off with him for two years, Now you are probabley walk away and never speak to her again. Nope, i'm still seeing her, we still meet up kiss cuddle, make love to each other go on dates. She tells me she loves me with all her heart and im the person she wants to be with, she is inlove with me and she can never let me go, but she wants kids. I love her, im crazy about her, i want to be with her i believe she wants to be with me. We are perfect for each other, she wasnt just my girlfriend she is my bestfriend as well, i cant lose her i dont want to lose her. Am i just holding onto something stupid, im a total fool aint i? Have you ever loved someone so much you just cant let go even though you know there is no future unless they change what they want? I know what alot of you will probabley say but i would like to here it. Thank you for reading this sorry its so long. :bang:
I hate to say it, but I think she's stringing you. These days, anything is possible - if two women want to marry each other and have kids, it's definitely doable. I have a dear friend who just gave birth to a bright and beautiful little boy, and she's single, not dating anyone - she just decided, it's now or never, and went for artificial insemination, and now she's a mother to a bright eyed, absolutely adorable little boy. There's also adoption, or potentially the adoption of what they call "snowflakes"... If she really wanted to be with you, wouldn't she have at least looked into the possibility of having children with you by her side, instead of assuming that a man is necessary? I get that not only is she your friend, but your first love, but you deserve way better than what she's given you - you deserve someone who would make the effort to find a way to make their family with you, not keep you on the side while they build a family with someone else.
This. ^ It sounds like she's really not ready to commit to you (for whatever reason) and she's using kids as an excuse.
Are you in a country where it's particularly difficult to have kids without being in an opposite-sex marriage? Because in most places that I can think of, it would be fine for two women to raise a family together. Suggest that possibility to her, and talk it over. Oh, and you're not stupid. You're just in love with someone who hasn't figured out what she wants. Does her fiance know what's going on?
