This is probably going to be very long. This is more for me venting, and to try to get my thoughts out. Though, advice is welcomed. To start out, last summer I acquired my first boy friend. I was blind and love struck, and realization started hitting me. So I left him on Christmas. Thinking back on it he was pretty gross, and I was mad at myself for being so blind. But I learned my lesson. About three months ago, I begean talking to a new guy that I met online. He was pretty cool and all, but he broke it off about a month and a half into it. Problem was that we still talked. It became so complicated and so confusing. He has alot of emotional problems that he has not dealt with yet, so its just on the inside ripping him apart. He says he cares about me, and thats why he broke it off, he said he would just hurt me in the end. That made me mad, I fealt as if my own choice in the matter was being stripped from me. So I tried to help him...I tried to be their for him, which is where the problem now comes in. I hate myself, I hate him. I can't even talk to other guys happily any more. I feel disgusted with myself and men in general. I hate myself for being so foolish... for trying to help someone that was beyond my help. The day before last he posted something on fb which made me extremely mad. He basically said he slept with so many people and none of them were shit to him. So I got drunk last night and did something I really shouldn't have, something I really regret... I had one of my friends take a picture of me and my other friend making out and sent it to him along with the txt 'To drunk?'. So he obviously replied and I told him how much I hated him. Thing is that I still care...I care so fucking much. I hate him, but I care...and it hurts me. I think he relized that. The final message I sent was "Whatever. I don't know wtf is going to make me happy. We fight every time we talk anyways. We don't talk and you put some bullshit up on fb saying you fucked everyone and no one here is worth it. Well if I'm not worth it don't talk to me, thank you." and he didn't reply. So I guess it is a good thing over all, just fairly hurt. Their was a lesson for me to learn here, I just wish I didn't have to learn it. Why did he pick me to rip apart? I have now developed his Pessimistic view points on love, which I'm trying to get rid of. I had my own happy ideals - my fairy tale like ideals. Its just hard to believe in those right now. I don't understand why I'm so sicked in men right now either. I feel so...so...gross... so pathetic. So blind. Like a fool. Some waters are just to dark. It will consume every last bit of light until you yourself is as dark as those very waters.
I think the kernel of the problem is here. Maybe the explanation was incredibly unsatisfying, and maybe the facebook post made things that much worse, but the truth is, he didn't take your choice away from you at all. You continued to hold onto feelings for him and involve yourself in his life for a long time. All he did was make a choice about the role he wanted to you play in his life, which is, as much as it might stink, his choice. It takes two people to consent to being in a relationship, and if he didn't want that, for whatever the reason, then there's not much to be done about it. All that said, I've been in your situation before. It's nice to think that we can help someone, or even "fix" them somehow, but the truth is we can't, and beginning a relationship with that as your goal is just about the best way to guarantee it won't work out. You can't make someone happy, all you can do is add to their happiness, or top it off, so to speak. And if he was already unhappy, then that's all there is to it. As for yourself, right now, I would think the best thing to do is to cut all contact whatsoever and get rid of any reminders you have of him. Delete pictures. Get rid of his number. Unfriend him on facebook. And throw out that box of stuff you have that reminds you of him. None of this is a personal slight to him, it's just a way to help prevent yourself from focusing on him and getting past the feelings of hurt that you're stuck with at the moment. He's not a positive influence in your life anymore, and whatever else that may be, it's not love. So if you don't want it to hurt you, don't let it. Some hard things to do, but hopefully you can work your way towards it. Like I said, I've been there and it's hard. But good luck. (*hug*)
I know Gravity, and thanks. I had already gotten rid of everything earlier today. Your actually pretty correct in the aspect that it was my decision to stay. The thing was that he would ALWAYS talk to me first, even after the break up. I know how breaking up works, but he treated it as if it never even happened. Ugh just frustrating. This is nothing I will die from though. Bottom line is that he is just 'another' guy.
Wow what a shitty story (as in, I'm sorry that happened). I agree with Gravity. Basically, you can't fix a basketcase, which he is. The lesson is, don't try. Also, I a was literally enraged when I read "he cares about me, which is why he broke it off." Fuck that. That sounds like someone who doesn't care at all, or at least is so mentally fucked up that he needs professional help.
Good that you got rid of things! In a way, though, the fact that he's coming to you to talk makes sense. He wanted to break up and not have the obligation, but still wanted to enjoy the emotional benefits of having a "significant" other. It's not that uncommon. In line with getting rid of things that remind you of him, it's also perfectly normal for you to refuse communication with him too. You don't have to answer text messages, etc. It's all about taking charge of the situation and taking care of yourself.
